:::faye for sure:::

:::Long Time Gone:::

2012-01-25T18:46:00.000-05:00

It took me three attempts before my browser would open up my blog. How fitting, as I've let this space fall by the wayside for so long now.

I've moved into an apartment near the place that I work. My shortest commute yet -- 5 minutes from door to door (by automotive vehicle).

Next month I turn 30, which will be great. I feel steady and calm, and happy that I will never again in my eternal existence have to say that I'm twenty-_______.

See you soon.

Bucket List

2011-12-12T22:46:00.000-05:00

I have a short bucket list. This is it -

DC --> England

Check.
TBD.

I recognize my good fortune in hitting 1 out of 2 items on this list, but folks, progress is our watchword. Onward and upward.

I would like to live in England and experience life there. The ups, the downs, the in-betweens. I have no idea how to make this happen. Bright ideas* welcomed.

That's it, for now.

*That do not include marriage.

:::Utah, Part 3 -- Creative Friday!:::

2011-12-08T22:37:00.000-05:00

{Photo credit either Michelle or Jill}

While I was in Utah I was lucky enough to be invited to Creative Friday with blogging friends Jill and Michelle. You have no idea how excited and nervous I was by this invitation. I have read Jill and Michelle's blogs for about four years now, and my life has duly been blessed. I admire both of these women so much. Through their writings I have found strength, courage, determination, perspective, but most importantly peace, comfort, hope, and joy in many hard and uncertain times. They have brightened my life.

The Creative Friday I was invited to actually took place on a Monday because Jill had a half day at her job. Though I was beyond excited to participate, I also felt a little bad for muscling in on their traditional get-together. But not bad enough to turn down their invitation. Ha!

Jill had emailed me a few days before hand to take my drink order for Sonic, ask my crafting preferences, and to get directions to Heidi's house. The day of, she kindly picked me up since I was without a car. It was great to finally meet Jill in person. She was just as I imagined -- Jill through and through. Strong, funny, sure, insightful. A woman who knows how to be a true friend and ally. I have always liked the Jill I knew through her blog, but in person she is even better.

On the ride over to Michelle's she asked me a lot of questions about my life, and it made me realize how guarded I am in my writing, and in life in general. I guess there are a lot of things people don't know about me, but at the same time, I don't really know what else to share. I have such a hard time talking about myself as an actual person, and when I do open up the information comes out all awkward in spastic fits and starts. I feel like such a weirdo when I have to talk about myself. Oh well. Anyhow, I loved talking with Jill.

Michelle came out of her house to greet us when we arrived. You know that part in the BBC Pride and Prejudice (1995) where Aunt Gardiner describes Jane as, 'such a calm, steady girl'? That is Michelle. I am always in awe of these types of women. Michelle is lovely, kind, and full of grace. She is a soothing, non-judgement presence.

I have to break here and tell you again how excited I was to be there with Jill and Michelle. I know I already wrote this at the beginning of this post, but truly, this was just too cool of an experience. Creative Friday! Jill and Michelle! Sadly, since I was such a stress-ball of nerves and uncertainty due to my general life upheaval, I wasn't really at my best. My mind was half in the clouds the whole time I was in Utah, and looking back now, it's hard to believe I was actually there. While I was at Michelle's house for Creative Friday I knew that as soon as our visit was over it would be like it never happened. Alas, this has turned out to be true. If I didn't have photographic evidence, I wouldn't believe that any of this ever happened.

Anyhow, back to Creative Friday. Michelle had supplies ready for me to make these paper flowers out of old book pages. Once you get into the groove they are so fast and easy to make. Once my life gets a little more settled I'll definitely be making some more.

The Creative Friday table! I was there! Really, I promise!

Michelle and Jill asked me a lot of questions about my life, I tried to sound like a normal person, and they gave me advice and insight that buoyed up my spirits. It was much needed.

{Photo by Jill}

Look! It's the rarely seen authoress of this blog! I call this photo, 'Don't Fold Your Arms Under Your Chest It Makes Your Boobs Look Like They're Trying to Swallow Your Face.' In another circumstance I might call it, 'Trying To Impress Gentlemen Callers.'

I barely took any photos due to my camera shame. Michelle and Jill have nice DSLRs, while I'm still sporting my point-and-shoot. They are also great photographers. Click on their hyper-linked names underneath our self-portrait to visit their photo galleries.

Anyhow, I did take a few snaps. This is a classic picture of Jill writing some Good Mail. Jill has a determination that I so admire. She has been writing Good Mail to people for years. Through all phases of life, different trials, domestic and international vacations, sicknesses, new jobs, time-consuming callings, she keeps writing and sending thoughtful Good Mail. I am so, so not that person (as evidenced by my spotty blogging of late). One disruption in my life, and I shut it down. Done.

This picture of Michelle just makes me so happy. She is wonderful. You would be blessed to have her in your life. She carries an increased portion of the Spirit with her. I felt instantly welcomed into her home without pretense.

Oh, Michelle just casually made muffins while we were there. I love that about her. She has a baking instinct that cannot be suppressed.

I got to meet the famous Jack! Oh, you big, hairy monster!

Not pictured...I was also able to meet the whole Chez Moi crew, including...

The one and only, the fabulous, the dynamic, Miss Eva. She was surprisingly shy, but I could tell that she's a little firecracker on the inside, and could be endlessly entertaining when she gets started.

Michelle's husband Marc made a brief but comical appearance. I think he could be one of the most interesting people in the world to talk to. He has a mind full of ideas and unending interests that he actively pursues. He has an idea, then he tries to execute it. It doesn't turn out the way he wanted it to? Oh well. He tries the next thing. What is that gene?

Also, ALSO, I got to meet Tall Max, who is possibly the world's most pleasant teenage boy, who actually engages in conversation with his mother in a real, honest way, and who does his homework without pestering or threat. Yep, this one is a keeper.

Sweet Lucas. Shy, shy, heart of gold. I can tell that he has Michelle's spirit, and I imagine that they are kindred spirits in many ways. Michelle really has the best boys, and she has unique but equally meaningful relationships with both.

Instead of asking everyone questions about their lives based on what I know about them from reading Michelle's blog, I decided to play it non-stalkerish and not scare anyone. Ha!

I only wish Jill's kids could have been there. I would have loved to ask Landon for life advice (the kid has a lot going for him), and connected with the artsy, free-wheeling, casual and easy-going Whitney. I think Whitney and I would be an awesome pair. I would validate every wild and fanciful idea she had. She would tell me to eat more cake and buy hot pink shoes. BFFs.

I had a great time crafting and talking with Michelle and Jill. I hope I was mildly entertaining, though I felt a bit like a wet mop personality wise. I was frustrated with myself for that. Nonetheless, I had a great time.

Eventually Michelle was like, 'Oh, I have to make dinner.' Then, like two seconds later, she had peeled and cut up a squash and was putting it into the oven to roast for squash quesadillas. Michelle is a natural homemaker and creator.

And then...

...it was over.

And Jill drove me back to Heidi's house.

And I was sad that it was over, and wished that I could stay forever and feel safe. Oh, I could feel the imminent change coming, and I felt dwarfed by it. I wanted to linger in these Utah moments and hide myself for a while.

Do you know that these women are wonderful? That is what I'm trying to tell you. I owe them so much.

:::Lame:::

2011-10-30T22:49:00.000-04:00

Truth: I'm writing this from my iPod.

Truth: My laptop cord hath given up the ghost.

Truth: This unfortunate turn of events is going to further delay my return to blogging.

Truth: I'm still in Texas. Life continues.

:::The Daunting Task of Catching Up:::

2011-10-15T20:52:00.000-04:00

I can't believe it's been a whole month...I still need to finish posting about my trip to Utah. Up next, a post about my fun Creative Friday with Jill and Michelle. It's taking me a long time because I want to do the story justice!

I've also been slacking off with commenting on blogs lately, which makes me feel very guilty.

Nothing has been going on here. I still go to work every day, etc. I'm so tired when I get home that I don't really do anything, which is the main reason behind the lack of posting. Hopefully that will change soon.

:::Lightning Storm:::

2011-09-18T23:28:00.000-04:00

Tonight we enjoyed a severe thunderstorm that brought torrential rain, and then this lovely lightning storm. I've never seen anything like it before. No rain, no thunder, just lightning. Beautiful.

:::Spill You Beans and Find Relief:::

2011-09-18T09:36:00.000-04:00

Well, today is a new day and I feel so much better after writing that post. Amazing, isn't it?

Something is going to work out.

Dude, I have to go to work tomorrow. I guess that's my life again, eh?

:::How Will This Work?:::

2011-09-17T19:03:00.000-04:00

My blogging friend Lelly does this thing where she writes for a set amount of time and just let's everything flow out onto the screen.

Here's my attempt...

Today I am...scared.

I don't make enough money at the job I started this week to support myself.

Since it's a full-time job, it's going to be hard to get away to interview for better jobs.

Are there better jobs?

I am doubting my plan to move here. What was I thinking? Why did I think this would work? I had an apartment in DC, and I could have probably landed a higher-paying job. Why did I leave?

Rent here is almost the same as what I was paying in DC (I lived in the hood, remember?), except in DC it included all of my utilities, and I wasn't paying for car insurance.

So, my cost of living is actually going up, not down.

But my salary has gone decreased drastically.

I did these calculations before I left, but I still felt like I should go ahead with the plan.

But how is this going to work?

I need a part-time job at night to make extra money, but that can't happen right now for logistical reasons.

Breathe.

And can I handle a part-time job at night?

What was I thinking when I moved here?!

How do you balance faith with the realities of life? Rent, insurance, bills (so many bills), etc...I believe in faith, but I also believe in...reality? That's not the right word, but you know what I'm trying to say.

I tried this year to make better decisions for myself, but I'm starting to feel like I've made another stupid, stupid Rebekah-style life decision. I've made so, so many stupid mistakes in the past that I'm still paying for (literally+figuratively). Have I made another series of mistakes that will hold me back for years to come?

I'm always landing myself in the remedial class. People my age are buying houses and supporting families, and not all of them are engineers, mba's, or lawyers. What the heck is wrong with me? I can't even afford to pay rent! Why am I so stupid with life?

End.

:::Lucky to Find Work So Quickly:::

2011-09-14T23:11:00.001-04:00

I'm just going to go ahead and document this now instead of worrying about writing a big, grand post about it later. I'm channeling the words of motivation from blogging friend Jill, whom I actually met in the real lifes when I was in Utah (post forthcoming). I just need to blog sometimes.

Today I started a temp-to-perm type job with a technology-ish company in Plano. I interviewed on Friday, and the offer came through on Monday. As part of the selection process I had to take all of these assessment tests over the weekend. They questioned my numerical skills, as well as my knowledge of OPEC and John Milton. What that was about, I don't know. I do know that I got most of the questions right, however, because general, useless knowledge is what I specialize in.

The commute isn't too bad. Right now I'm carpooling with Big Don in the morning, and driving home by myself. My sister picks him up at the train station later at night. The pay is ok, $5 less an hour than what I was making in DC, so that's a bit of a problem. I'm just doing admin stuff in the sales department, which is a completely different vibe than the law office scene. It's good and different, but a little disorientating.

The people are really nice, and I know I can do the job. It's not going to be mentally stimulating or feed any creative energies, but it's work, and it's work that I know I can do, so that's something to be happy about.

Technically, I'm on a 60 (or is it 90?) day probation until they decide if they want to hire me full-time.

If someone asked me what my plans were for Texas, I would shrug my shoulders and say, 'Don't know.' I know that in a weird way, that's The Plan for right now -- 'Don't know.' We'll see what comes of it.

Utah: Part Three (Boo Included)

2011-09-13T16:47:00.000-04:00

On Saturday, I spent the day with my old boo Michelle. Michelle and I met in the year 2002 while we were doing Washington Seminar in DC.

Things to know about Michelle:

1. Michelle and her family lived in England for part of her formative years.
2. Due to some Irishness in her family line, Michelle has an Irish passport, which means that she has a legal right to work in the UK.
3. For both of these reasons, I hate her.
4. Michelle has a finely trained legal mind. Ha! This is a bit of a joke betwixt us. But she really did go to law school and does have a finely trained mind.
5. Her home, Crane Manor, was like my 2nd home during my last years at BYU.

When Michelle and I are together, we are very stupid.

The day started with breakfast at Gurus, where I enjoyed spotting some gen-u-ine Provo hipsters.

I also sampled the best sweet potato fries that I have ever had in my life.

From there, I made Michelle drive me around my favorite neighborhoods in Provo so I could take pictures of houses. I love these neighborhoods.

From there, a stop at Crane Manor.

Michelle has a grown woman's room now.

There's Bill Dog! His name is actually Cody, but as with Heidi's sons, I could never remember his real name, so I just gave him a new one. That's who I am.

We caught an afternoon matinee of Rise of the Planet of the Apes. The problem with prequels is that you're basically wading through the entire film to get to the 'Aha!' ending that sets up the original. It was just ok. It was a long movie about apes. That's what I have to say about it.

When we came out of the theater it was raining. Thank you, Mother Nature. I got to see my mountains covered in mist even though it was the dead of summer.

More neighborhood tours and visually documenting happy places. Michelle drove where I told her to. I loved it. Seriously, driving around looking at old houses was one of the only things I really, really wanted to do in Utah.

We ended up in American Fork looking at these townhomes that M-chelle used to want to move into after finishing law school.

We always referred to them as the Mudslide Townhouses because there was a, well, mudslide one year that hit the development.

I dearly wish these pictures would have turned out better. The view overlooking the valley was stunning after the rain storm.

{There's the Timpanogas Temple}

Pulling out of the development we kind of decided to go to Salt Lake. Why not? Michelle and I are professional level driving-meanderers. This is what we do.

As soon as we got to Salt Lake, I started to feel at home. I was completely shocked by this, as I've always been a mad proponent of Utah County. But, alas, something has shifted. If I moved back to Utah, I think I'd have to live in Salt Lake. Something about it just felt so right. Here are some blurry pictures of more homes taken from a moving car...

{This building could be straight out of Virginia.}

After driving around, after making some of the funniest jokes of my amateur career, after the sun had set and we had driven the width of Salt Lake at least two times, we decided to go to Happy Sumo for dinner. About once a year I crave sushi, and that night was one of those times.

After dinner we got frozen yogurt, then did some more driving around and acting like idiots.

I had the best time ever.

Utah: Part Two

2011-09-11T20:46:00.000-04:00

On my first full day in Utah, Heidi had big plans for us -- a bike ride, lunch, and two hours of volunteering at Pioneer Book.

The mountains!

After some fits and starts to begin with, I was finally on my way bike-wise. It was hard, and we had to take various breaks for my sake...

but we finally made it to the Thai restaurant that we planned to have lunch at.

If you volunteer two hours of times at Pioneer Book (a used book store), you get a $20 credit towards a purchase there.

They had us organizing books in the Western section. Yeehaw!

The ride home was easier on the legs, but harder on the seat. Ow.

It was blazing hot.

I love a bike with a basket on it.

Rude.

So hot.

But I kept going because I'm awe-some.

This may be my favorite photo of the whole trip. I love all of the mini-orchards throughout Utah neighborhoods.

We road past Heidi's favorite house.

I love this photo for some reason. I think it captures the spirit of bike riding.

Mini orchard and these lot-size gardens everywhere. I love that about Utah.

I couldn't have made this ride without Heidi. She is one of those friends that you would were a bathing suit in front of without feeling judged, which is why I felt comfortable hoisting my big behind up on a bike in front of her.

Utah: Part Two of Part One

2011-09-08T15:18:00.001-04:00

Continued...

3. I like the way that her family communicates, in that they actually communicate. I mean, they didn't sit around and talk about their feelings (THOUGH I TRIED), but they just spoke to each other like they were people...I don't know, I'm not awesome at communicating myself so I'm having a hard time describing it. They have real conversations with each other: about their days, their lives, their friends, etc. It was just a normal way of operating for them, not something forced or schmaltzy.
4. Their hard times have made them stronger and closer. You can feel that their bond has been forged with a lot of hard word, love, forgiveness, acceptance, and understanding. It was great being a temporary, honorary member of the family for a week and feeling that bond that they share.
5. They don't operate under any pretense. They are who they are, and they are proud of that. This makes them very easy to hang out with. Everyone is accepted, you can come as you are (e.g., an emotional wreck from California), and they will treat you well.
6. Each family member has some kind of interest or hobby that they fill their spare time with. I love that. I didn't see a lot of mindless vegging out. It was inspiring.
7. They laughed at my inappropriate jokes.
8. They are super casual. Amen.

Heidi and her oldest son...Slingshot (when I first met Heidi I couldn't remember her sons' names, so I just gave them random nicknames) picked me up at the airport in SLC.

A word about being back in Utah -- it didn't feel like coming home, as I was fully expecting it to. I was there for a week and some change, and I never felt that 'home' feeling that I always felt in DC when I thought of Utah. Actually, I did on the day that I spent in SLC with my friend Michelle. More on that later.

Anyhow, they picked me up from the airport, and from there we went to a bunch of thrift stores. I was shy about getting my camera out, so no pictures for me or you of those adventures. Sad. We had lunch at a place called...darn. Seriously, I can't remember the name of it, but it was one of those hole-in-the-wall, local-favorite, cool-kid places in Sugar House. I liked it.

That night...I don't remember what we did. Oops! Heidi went to a lot of trouble to get my room ready for me, which I thought was so nice since she was very busy at the moment trying to get her daughter ready to leave on a mission in two weeks. She had written a welcome message on the chalkboard above my bed, which I loved.

I...cried myself to sleep that night. Ha! The end.

:::Utah, Part 1 of Part 1:::

2011-09-06T16:22:00.000-04:00

I think I emailed Heidi three days ahead of time and asked if I could come stay with her family for a week-ish-ish on my way to Texas. Bless her eternal soul, she said yes, even though her own life is extremely busy. It all seems like a dream now, like I was never really there. I think I was, though. I'll have to look at pictures to remind myself.

Here are some things that I love about Heidi and her family:

1. They are super into bikes. They ride their bikes what I would consider to be completely asinine distances for fun, and for the practical necessities of day-to-day life. I think it's cool. I'd like to ride a bike like that one day (even though I think it's asinine).
2. They have one car that the whole family (three kids, two adults) use (see above re: bikes). I was there for a week and I never heard an argument about who got to use the car and when. Instead, I watched them compromise, adapt, and sacrifice to make the car situation work. This was seriously impressive to me. Heidi lives in Orem, but her sons work down at East Bay in Provo. One goes to work at like 6:30 am, and the other at 11:00. Plus, her husband has to be taken to work, plus, there's the normal errand running, last minute life finagling that happens on a constant basis. They make it work. I love watching them sort out the car schedule. It was a huge lesson to me in family togetherness, selflessness, and solving problems without dramatics.

This post is being interrupted by the necessity of keeping two small children entertained with a Scooby Doo movie...

:::What Happened In Utah:::

2011-09-06T01:14:00.000-04:00

I am a horrible blogger.

But, tomorrow there will be a post about Utah and all the fun things that happened there!

:::It's a Good Life:::

2011-08-31T12:57:00.000-04:00

{Bruno and Dot sleeping}

It's a good life, if you can get it.

:::Doubt Enters In:::

2011-08-22T11:34:00.000-04:00

Last night I cried for the first time about leaving DC.

My sister told me that they read out my name in her Texas ward yesterday at church. I quickly logged on to lds.org and found that it was true -- my records had left the Capitol Hill Ward.

I cried. I'm crying now.

I want to go back. This limbo state is killing me.

:::Kindred Spirits:::

2011-08-20T01:47:00.000-04:00

This is what I like to see.

I made it to Utah and am staying at my friend Heidi's house. More soon.

:::Completely Unexpected:::

2011-08-17T14:50:00.000-04:00

It's time for me to leave California. Sweet Annette is up and about and no longer needs me to follow behind her reminding her to use her walker.

While it's time for me to leave California, it's not yet time for me to head to Dallas.

So, what's a girl to do?

Go to Utah., that's what.

I'll be flying into the Beehive State this Thursday, and will be leaving...? I'll probably only stay for 10 or so days. Who knows.

I'm as shocked as you may possibly be.

I'm also super, super sad, because nothing breaks my heart like leaving Sweet Annette.

:::I Love to See the Temple:::

2011-08-14T22:14:00.002-04:00

We were going through some old things today, hence the baby pictures, and my mom pulled out these two items.

The first is my ticket to a satellite dedicatary session of the Nauvoo temple. I clearly remember the day that I went in for this interview and received my ticket. I was so proud, and participating in the session was a great experience.

The second is my sister's escort card from the day I took out my endowments. My mom was there as well, but my sister was my escort since she was a temple worker in DC and my mom was super nervous! Hee, hee.

Each time I am in a city with a temple, I have to see that temple. When I lived in Provo I would go out of my way to drive past the temple on my way to and from errands. Even if I was going to Macey's from my apartment in south campus, I would drive home past the temple.

When I was a youth, each year after the Christmas season, all of the wards in the Los Angeles Temple District would be asked to come to the temple to help take down the millions of lights that had been painstakingly wound around the hundreds of trees and bushes on the temple grounds. This was my favorite church activity every year. I loved that I was able to spend so much time on the temple grounds and work beside that beautiful building all day long.

As I unwound strands of lights from row upon row of bushes, I would look up to the temple and imagine the day that I would finally be able to go inside. I could feel it in my heart that one day I would be there, up in the top rooms of the temple as a fully endowed member of the Church. I could not wait for that day to come. I felt such an urgent burning in my chest and I wished that I fast forward through the years to the particular moment when I would finally go inside.

The day I went to the temple was the best day of my life. I was so, so happy and honored to be there. At that point the Provo temple had become my temple, and after years and years of sitting in the parking lot and staring at the temple while thinking about every aspect of my life, I could not believe that I was finally going to be inside and learning the sacred teachings that I had waited my whole life to hear. When I presented my recommend at the front desk and was taken back to the little office area where my information was confirmed, I was completely overwhelmed with joy at finally making it to a point in my life that I had been looking forward to and dreaming about for years.

When I left the temple that day I could not wait to go back. I felt so much closer to the Savior, and I felt like my mind had finally arrived at the place where my spirit felt naturally at home. The best piece of advice that my sister gave me was to go back as soon as I could, and as often as I could for the first month. I went through on a Saturday, and that Monday we went to an early morning session at the Provo Temple before it closed for the day. I didn't have a job at the time, so I went back to the temple every day for two weeks. I wanted to absorb every bit of the temple while my first experience was still fresh in my mind. That way I knew that I would never feel uncomfortable about going back and I would always feel at home there. It was the best thing I could have done. What great advice.

I have been present as a few friends went through the temple for the first time, and it was always such an honor and happy pleasure to be there. It thrilled me to watch them and to know what an important step they were taking.

In 2007 my middle sister Elizabeth was married in the LA Temple. Going inside the temple that day was a really special thing for me, not just I was able to witness my sister being married. I couldn't believe that what I had dreamed of so many years before was finally happening. I was finally there! I was finally walking down the hall, not to the stairs down to the baptistery, but beyond that. I was finally looking out from the frosted windows that I had longingly looked at when I was a youth. I was in the sacred rooms of the temple, walking through the hallways, and dressed all in white. It was a great feeling.

I think there are so many things in life that we want to accomplish but may never have the chance to. This was definitely a time when I had wanted something so badly for so long, and it had finally come to pass. It was a proud, humbly, and thrilling moment for me. The temple holds so much promise for everyone, even if you are not sealed to your family or spouse (as I am not).

I love the temple. It is my favorite place on earth. The second reason that I decided to move back West was that I could afford to keep a car and get myself to the temple whenever I wanted to. I'm so excited to live near the temple again!

:::Hobbit Baby:::

2011-08-14T21:34:00.000-04:00

My sisters and I like to tease my mother by saying that while she made adorable children, she sure made some u-g-l-y babies.

Is that a pompadour I'm sporting?

Boom! Closeup.

And rewind...

No, I'm not winking. That would be the giant hemangioma inside my right eyelid. Ahem...Don't worry, I grew into it.

:::Collecting:::

2011-08-10T14:27:00.000-04:00

Taking pictures of something makes me feel like I own, it even though I didn't purchase it.

I wanted all of these fabrics. I don't really know how to sew, and I couldn't afford them all, so I took a picture. Now I kind of own them all, kind of. Sort of.

I've been looking for this fabric all of my life.

:::Nuts and Bolts:::

2011-08-03T23:24:00.001-04:00

I forgot to mention that Sweet Annette, the sweet materfamilias, has had her sweet knee replaced with an even sweeter new knee. What have you had replaced lately? Nothing so impressive as a knee. Slacker.

I am in California nursing her back to her prime.

:::We Are Just Like Pigs:::

2011-08-02T14:53:00.001-04:00

Yesterday Annette had the staples removed from her knee. Part of the incision split open as the nurse swiftly moved up her leg snapping out the staples. I couldn't help but scream, 'THE SCAR IS SPLITTING OPEN!' as I watched. Annette's reaction was, 'Ssh, no it's not!' Then she actually looked at what was going on and said, 'Oh my gosh, THE SCAR IS SPLITTING OPEN!'

It looked just like someone scoring the top of a slipper, wet ham, or like folds of bologna peeling away from a deli slicer.

Lunch time!

:::Lactose Rendevous:::

2011-07-29T03:55:00.000-04:00

Today we went to one of those self-service frozen yogurt places and saw a woman fill up a gallon-sized container with chocolate and vanilla yogurt. She sprinkled the top with candied nuts, then generously drizzled hot fudge over the whole thing.

She paid for her yogurt with a debit card, but recorded the purchase in her check register before walking away from the counter.

I like to imagine that she took her $15 extravagance home to share with a lover. Like she slipped out of bed and said, "One moment darling, I'll be right back with the frozen yogurt."

:::In a Good Place:::

2011-07-09T17:56:00.000-04:00

Oh, I feel so good right now.

Today I went to Target, and while I was there I tried on three different nail polishes.

I bought the purple-y one and I love it. It matches my newly found footloose and fancy free attitude. I feel more like myself than I have in a long time. I can't wait for the next step!

I love the idea of having different themes to my life. This chapter of city dwelling life is coming to a close. I may live in a city again some day, but as Aragorn said outside the Black Gate, today is not that day.

I am not sad to leave DC because I've done all that I wanted to do here. I've been very blessed since December 2007, and I'm not leaving with any bad mojo.

I can tell that some people here think that I'm making a bad decision. Through so many words they've said that I haven't given it my all, that by leaving I'm running away from 'real' life, or that the best opportunities for me aren't back in suburbia. Eh, okay.

The truth is that I've had a great time in DC. There are like two things left that I've always wanted to do and haven't yet, but otherwise I've seen and done everything on my to-do list. I love this town, I just don't want to be here anymore. And because I don't have to be here, I don't need to be here. I want to leave, so I am. That's all. I'm excited to be around family again and thrilled to be back West after almost four years of East Coast living. Amen.

My friends are happy for me and think I'm making a great decision. I still get frustrated when people express doubts about my plans, but we aren't responsible for other people's perceptions of our lives. I am very happy and will leave here without regrets. Amen.

So, a week and some change and then I'm a Westerner again. Ha, ha! I'm so excited to go back! I know that there are going to be great opportunities coming my way, as well as the usual ups and downs of life. I'm ready for it all.

I'll leave you with some delicious photos. Last week I was invited to the going away lunch for dear little coworker Erica, and yesterday was my very own going away lunch.

Founding Farmers

Devil-ish Eggs -- Maine Lobster, Crab, Smoked Salmon

Cornmeal Battered Fried Green Tomatoes with Herb Goat Cheese and Green Goddess Dip

{I almost cried}

Ricotta, Pistachio, and Date Flatbread

Skillet Corn Bread with Sea Salt and Honey Butter

Macaroni and Cheese with Gouda, Gruyere, Ham, Peas, and Apples

Pan-Fried Chicken with White Gravy, Waffles, and Mac ‘n’ Cheese

Jaleo

I know it's not an original choice, but I love the food José Andrés makes. I was too busy eating to take many photos.

Pasamontés Manchego, D.O. Manchego
Sheep’s milk cheese, sweet and tangy
Idiazábal, D.O. Idiazábal
Sheep’s milk cheese, smoked, nutty flavor
Murcia al vino, D.O. Murcia
Semi-soft goat’s milk cheese bathed in red wine with a balance of salt and acidity
Garrotxa, D.O. Catalunya
Semi-soft goat’s milk cheese, delicate flavors of milk and a hint of nuttiness
Caña de cabra, D.O. Murcia
Semi-soft goat’s milk cheese, sweet and salty
Valdeón, D.O. Asturias
Blue cheese of cow and goat’s milk, intense flavor

{Those apricots were soaked in some kind of honey/cinnamon concoction that was to die for}

Gambas con Gabardina
Batter-fried shrimp with caper mayonnaise

{My friend ordered these and it totally freaked her out that they came with the heads on. It was hilarious.}

Ensalada de Remolacha con Cítricos
Salad of red beets with citrus segments, Valdeón cheese, pistachios and Sherry dressing

Croquetas de Pollo
Traditional chicken fritters

We also had...

Manzanas con hinojo y queso Manchego
Sliced apples and fennel salad with Manchego cheese, walnuts and Sherry dressing

Tortilla de Patatas al Momento

Spanish omelet with potatoes and onions cooked to order

Pimientos del Piquillo Rellenos de Queso
Seared piquillo peppers filled with goat cheese

Dátiles con Tocino ‘como hace todo el mundo’
Fried dates wrapped in bacon that you will want to eat every day

{How's that for a hard sell?}

Gambas al Ajillo
The very, very famous tapa of shrimp sautéed with garlic

Codorniz con Salsa de Romero y Alioli de Miel

Grilled quail with rosemary sauce and honey alioli

Lomo de Buey

Grilled hanger steak with piquillo peppers

Arroz de pato ‘Jean-Louis Palladin’
Rice with duck confit, duck breast, and foie gras cream

We had more than one order of a few of those!

Pastel Vasco con Helado de Leche Merengada
Basque cake with semolina cream, cinnamon-vanilla sauce and ice milk

{So, so very good}

Compota de Manzana al Pan Perdido con Pedro Ximénez
Apple Charlotte with Pedro Ximénez & vanilla ice cream

{Not mine :)}

Helados y Sorbetes Caseros con ‘Carquinyolis’
Peach
Apple

Thank you, corporate Amex. :)

:::Today Is the First Day of the Rest of My Life...:::

2011-07-09T09:21:00.001-04:00

...for the next three or four year chunk of time.

Today is my first day of unemployment. Hip, hip, hurray! I cried a little saying goodbye to all of my friends yesterday, but in the end my departure was free from any deep emotions. I always imagined that I'd be full of weepy nostalgia as I rode the elevators one last time, or walked through the doors one last time. Passed the hot dog cart one last time or took a cab or road the metro home one last time...you get the picture. What really happened was that I walked out of the building and went across the street to Macy's to exchange some nylons. The building, not my building. None of that is mine anymore, and thank heavens for that.

So, goodbye to my dear friends, and here's to those who've treated me well...

and all the rest can go to...you know.

:::I'm Moving:::

2011-07-06T20:50:00.001-04:00

I'm moving. I've been waiting to write a big, introspective post about it, but, nope, not feeling it. Friday is my last day at work. I fly out to California on the 19th. I'll stay there for a couple of weeks, then I'll move to Dallas. I don't have a ticket for that yet, so I don't have a date.

Etsy

I am so stressed. I always thought my last weeks at work would be a riot, buuuut my boss was fired the day I gave notice, so I've been covering both of our jobs and trying to unravel the hot, holy mess that she left behind. Tomorrow a temp is coming to shadow me for two days. Fun. Just how I wanted to spend my last days in the office.

Salvation Army came to my apartment two different times to cart my stuff away. My boxes are packed, and my clothes are in suitcases. I've been trying to cram in every conceivable medical appointment into the past three weeks to use up my reimbursement account. I feel like I'm treading water at work, things are such a mess.

Oh, it will end eventually.

:::My Work Here Is Done:::

2011-06-28T20:24:00.000-04:00

I have grown a healthy tomato plant from seed. The end.

:::Veins Like Osama:::

2011-06-10T20:52:00.001-04:00

But even he couldn't hide forever.

Another good title for this post would have been 'Winning Hand.'

Zinnias are up...

I'm a little disappointed in them because I thought the heads would be bigger. The stalks are like a foot tall and some of the leaves are almost as big as my hands.

:::Really, I'm fine:::

2011-06-06T19:46:00.001-04:00

I had the opportunity to spend today traveling to and from two medical appointments.

That's what I did today. That's sad.

At my first appointment I was supposed to have blood drawn. I told the stand-in NP that I was a hard stick. She chuckled. I bet everyone tells her that. A couple fishing expeditions later I walked out of the office with a band-aid and a rescheduled appointment for this Friday. Use my neck next time! It wouldn't be a first.

Insult to injury -- I had to fast for this appointment. I hate fasting! And yesterday was Fast Sunday! I was generally in a bad mood today. Too much fasting, and headaches due to too much travel.

Fast forward to the post meridian, and I'm on a bus for one earth hour out to Sibley for the second most invasive medical procedure I've ever experienced in my life. After enjoying that fresh hell, I shared a bus stop with three harmless but toffee-nosed tweens -- two girls and a boy -- who spent 20 minutes talking loudly and excessively about jailbreaking their iPhones and how much they loved flip-flops. Then the boy started giving one of the girls the business because she goes to a charter school --

'You might as well go to public school! Ha, ha, ha!'

'We aren't connected to DCPS! We're in charge of ourselves!!!'

Yeah, yeah, CAN IT!

The bus doesn't take me all the way home, so I opted for a cab ride in rush hour traffic instead of barfing on the metro. Headache. Thirty earth minutes, t w o m i l e s, and $15 later I made it home.

Now I'm sitting in my underwears and watching Curious George on public television. I just ate a tuna sandwich, and now I might wash my hair with vinegar in the dark.

The Man in the Big Yellow Hat is a prancing idiot.

:::Let it be known...:::

2011-05-31T22:11:00.000-04:00

That it is 10:12 pm and the temperature is...88 degrees. Humidity at 61%.

My zucchini seems to like it.

It has doubled in size since yesterday.

:::The Three-Day Weekend:::

2011-05-30T11:48:00.000-04:00

Is there any happier time in the world than the Monday of a three-day weekend? Workers are rejoicing. You can feel it in the air.

I was slouching around in my pajamas this morning and feeling 'meh'. Then I decided to put on real clothes and arrange the cheveux. Zippitty doo da!

This morning I made my squash blossoms get busy. Too many male blossoms, too few bees, not enough of these ladies...

Actually, only two female blossoms, from four plants. Oh-zee well-zee...Seeds cost pennies, I can't be too upset.

The humidity is only at 54% but it feels sweltering! I think I'll stay inside.

Ciao!

:::From the Drafts Folder -- Ride (10/14/09):::

2011-05-30T08:45:00.000-04:00

I wrote this post when I was still living at the House. I think this is one of my favorites. Some times I really love myself...

Living in a big city seems so romantic...when you aren't living in the city.

Regardless of my former experiences with big cities, before I live lived in DC the thought of taking public transportation was so enthralling to me. I couldn't wait to be one of those urban folk who constantly has bus schedules and line delays running through her head like some kind of neurotic background music. I'm still not fully one of those people, but my friend Shorty is. Shorty is a New Yorker, and she can tell you what bus you need to catch in order to get anywhere in our fair town. Shorty takes public transportation like some people change underwear. I'm not being nasty, that's how the saying goes. Shorty once took a bus from our house, where we have free coffee, to Dunken Donuts to get a coffee. Coffee.

Did you hear me? She took a bus from our house just to get coffee.

My transit knowledge is every growing, but I keep a strict focus on basic survival needs. Home and work are my anchor points. I need to know how to get from home and work.

Metro is no sweat. I had the lines memorized when I interned out here in college and I know the lay of the land pretty well. Just remember --

Green and Yellow, kill a fellow.
East on Orange or Blue? They might knife you.
Glenmont on Red? At night you'll end up dead.
Unless you want a stab, in Southeast you'll take a cab.

My first year here I was almost a 100% metro rider because buses were just too much for me to handle. One, they don't run on fixed tracks and make fixed stops. The driver may go crazy and drive off into the distant with nothing to stop him/her. He/she could also blow past your stop (happened to me) leaving you to walk the 3/4 of a mile back to stop they should have left you at in the first place.

Two, there's less room to stand on a bus. I am not a sitter, I like to stand.

Three, there are more crazy people on the bus than on the metro. Like the man who calls women filthy names under his breath for the entire ride.

Four, buses go to more, shall we say, suspect locations than trains do. Yes, trains go to the hood, but buses go all over the hood. If your driver does go crazy, or if you aren't entirely sure when your stop is coming, you could end up dead in Rock Creek Park. Am I right, dad?

But now I take the bus, risks be darned. It drops me off closer to my house, and I'm tired off popping out of the ground like a mole. Metro in the morning, and bus at night.

This post was supposed to be about all the walking you have to do in a city, and how it seems so fun when you first get there, but when it's part of your daily, all-the-time-life it gets old.

And also about the fact that sometimes I walk home. It's two miles along Penn, then up Constitution. When it's not humid, I love it. I pretend I'm in London or Paris.

Coincidentally, if you ever want to strike up a conversation with a Washingtonian, the weather and Metro delays are you're best bet.

:::A Past Due, Out of Date Garden Update:::

2011-05-23T20:54:00.001-04:00

*Video fixed!*

I haven't posted any garden pictures lately. So many of these plants are at least double the size now -- the cucumbers, the squash, and especially the giant lima bean which is growing now at a rate of 3 feet every four to five days. The arugula is now gone, and the spinach is trying it's darndest to go to seed, but I keep nipping off the buds. I've cut the lettuce back a few times, and might end the show completely later in the week so that I can get some of my peppers and eggplants into the containers.

The zinnias are getting gigantic, and the cosmos have a few little buds on them already. The four pea plants are dying an early death, having only given up six peas in their short, short lives.

Um, a week after taking these photos I discovered some powdery mildew on the cucumbers. They're getting a baking soda treatment every three days now. I think I put too much baking soda in the mixture. Oops.

Tons of tiny, minuscule little green bugs on the zucchini, which I flick off every morning. Who knows what will happen there.

Video at the end if you're interested in the whole layout.

:::From the Drafts Folder -- Oh, the Neighborhood (10/6/10):::

2011-05-23T09:47:00.002-04:00

I live across the street from a housing project. Of all things, it is mostly loud. Right now it's 9:48 at night and someone is playing music so loudly that I can hear it clearly even in my bathroom.
When the weather is warm children play in the concrete courtyard. They are playing right now. There are people gathered in a circle of plastic chairs talking. At one house people are sitting out on their porch. I like that.

There is always laundry out on the line, even when it's raining. Even in the winter. Even when it's snowing. Bless.

When I walk to work in the morning I spy...one broken bottle, three used you-know-whats, and one large group of teenagers smoking not-cigarettes.

Their is a precinct, an emergency vehicle repair garage, and a homicide unit a block or so down the street. We've got a lot of cars with those fancy European sounding sirens, so, ooh-la-la.

The police end up across the street a lot, sometimes just driving through the neighborhood, sometimes to stop and talk to people, and sometimes they go into houses for who knows what purpose. I've never seen anyone be arrested. Wait...yes I have. All in all though, I think the police mostly deal with domestic issues. Sometimes the police act as family counselors.

The paramedics and fire department show up frequently as well. Many, many times the paramedics and firemen act as doctors.

There is an ice cream truck that shows multiple times throughout the evening. The driver rings what sounds like an old fashioned school bell loudly and without pause. When I was in high school the bell would always give me a heart attack if I was standing underneath it. I have the same reaction now.

His primary customers are adults. From what I can tell, I mean, my binoculars aren't that powerful, people don't leave his window with much. Actually, more often than not, when people step away from the window their hands are jammed deep into their pockets.

I hope we're on the same page as far as subtle hinting goes.

On the Sunday of General Conference I missed the end of President Monson's final address because there was a huge fight going on over there between four women. I think some people just like to fight. One group was in a fire red Jeep Grand Cherokee, and they kept getting in and out of the car to yell at the women who kept coming in and out of the house. It never got violent. The police didn't come.

Am I safe? Yes. I'm safe because I know what I should and shouldn't do. I'm safe because more than anything, this ghetto is mostly crazy ghetto, and not so much violent ghetto. Big difference.

I really wish they'd turn that music off...

:::Might I Recommend...Poroit?:::

2011-05-22T21:06:00.000-04:00

Murder on the Orient Express is on Masterpiece Mystery here in DC tonight. If it's on in your town, watch it. Watch it! It's an excellent story, and an excellent adaptation. Many people say it's Agatha Christie's best.

Gots to go! Poirot, ftw!

:::From the Drafts Folder -- Tarps (7/17/09):::

2011-05-18T08:00:00.000-04:00

I want to know what the heck I was on when I wrote this post...

*********************

Let me tell you about tarps.

We have a tarp in our family. Flashback! You just got hit by one, right mom?

Our tarp was bigger than Alaska, heavier than sin, and 70s rockin' brown. Brown is a good color for tarps. It shows that you are serious about what you're doing and it hides dirt. I think my dad might have carried that tarp out of the Mekong Delta when he left Vietnam.

The first thing we did before we went camping was to try to and find the tarp. This would take at least an hour of frustrated searching and digging in the Bermuda Triangle that was our garage. During these tension fraught times there might (would) be raised voices and accusations flying back and forth like daggers in a ninja fight. I always wondered why it mattered who the last person to see the tarp was if at present no one remembered where it was. It could have been anyone one of my sisters, or my mom or dad. Me? Nah, I never helped unpack after trips. It totally wasn't me.

By the way we treated that tarp you would have thought it was a magic carpet. We could not go camping without it. If, after an hour of ninja daggers, there was still no tarp and you casually suggested that we could go camping without it, mom or dad would start yelling threats about giving the tarp your bed and making you sleep in the garage.

That last bit was probably a lie, probably.

The tarp has three main functions:

First, it acts as ground cover at your camping site. Once the tarp is on the ground, the tent goes on the tarp. The tarp prevents rocks and sticks from breaking through the bottom of the tent, and keeps ground water from seeping in during dewy mountain mornings.

Second, the tarp acts as an impromptu table cloth when you're eating in a picnic area of lesser standards. Before mom ever started cutting up sandwiches with the 10 inch buck knife (something else daddy brought back from Nam) that was always in the glove compartment of our station wagon, the tarp was taken out, shaken out, and snapped onto filthy tables from Cachuma to Lake Havasu. Herpes, tetanus, scurvy, and rabies were no match for the tarp. Lingering effects of Agent Orange? Perhaps.

Third, the tarp provided cover from both sun and rain when ropes were looped through the grommets on each of its four sides and it was hoisted up into the air and secured on trees. An oasis, a shelter, a welcome home from the brutalities of nature.

The tarp has more uses beyond this. For packing purposes, things can be wrapped in the tarp to protect them during the car trip. Upon returning home, the tarp can be used to cover boxes, which is important because you need to hide your valuables from garage robbers. The tarp is also an impromptu water slide, but it makes a very uncomfortable blanket.

You can see why the tarp is essential. It's obvious why it was worth fighting for.

I think my parents bought a new tarp when I was in junior high. Smaller, bright blue, not nearly as sturdy. A pale ghost of the tarp glory days, but in a pinch, it will do. As soon as I have my own garage, the first thing I'm going to do is take my money down to the Army surplus store and get myself a tarp. For camping, for living, for loving, for laughing, for a shadow by day, but not for a pillar by night, as the tarp is not fire proof, which is its only drawback.

:::Part 1 -- A Dark Night in Virginia:::

2011-05-14T10:20:00.000-04:00

Let me tell you a story...

3 1/2 years ago I left California on a jet plane. Six-ish hours later I landed at Reagan, and that's how all of my now began. I went to baggage claim, dragged my gigantic suitcases over to the taxi line, and gave the driver directions to a house that I had never been to before.

It was pitch black dark, like 11 pm at night, as we drove into my new neighborhood in Pentagon City. Not a soul around, and so dark. The driver stopped in front of a house that didn't look anything like the fuzzy picture I'd been sent. I didn't want to leave the cab. I was scared like a baby. The cabby was fidgeting, so I asked him again if he was certain that we were at the right address, and very reluctantly got out of the car. He didn't help me with my bags. 

I lugged my suitcases up the creaky wooden steps and knocked on the door even though I knew everyone was home for Christmas. I wanted someone to welcome me to my new home, but I had to open the door myself.

Once I dug out my key, I opened the door to more darkness and more emptiness. Up more creaky steps to my attic room with heavy luggage thumping and bumping behind me. Out came the air mattress. I looked around my room and accessed the situation -- an attic without insulation with a tiny room eked out with wood paneling that bowed when I press my hand against it. The wind was howling, and it cut through my new room, and through me, like a knife.

To be continued...

:::Organizing Junkie and Giver's Log:::

2011-05-12T11:31:00.000-04:00

1. Organizing Junkie is a fantastic resource. Website and blog. I found this entry on clothes purging to be very helpful.

2. Giver's Log...oh, be still my heart. I've been reading for over a year now and I just love everything that Amberlee does. Her 13 ounces series is probably my favorite.

Did you know that you can send a frisbee through the mail? Bouncy balls? A stack of Post-its? A box of Junior Mints? Genius.

Primarily, she has amazingly simple yet thoughtful gift and ideas. This is one of those sources that you hate to pass on because you plan on using all the ideas for the people in your life and you don't want to spoil the surprise. But, I have to share. It's the right thing to do.

:::The Will to Do:::

2011-05-08T08:37:00.000-04:00

Through my gardening endeavors I've realized that there is often a huge difference between what 'They' say you can do, and what you can actually get away with.

Tomatoes and peppers won't germinate in cold weather. Well, if you sit them on your stove at night they will. Slowly, slowly, but you'll get there.

{Tomato -- Sweet 100 or Currant}

You need fancy heating mats, special soil, and a tray of neat compartments to start seeds. Or, you can use old takeout containers, Styrofoam cups, and milk jugs, and fill them with whatever soil they're selling at your nearest grocery store. Done.

I've even read information from DC area gardeners that says that you have to start seeds in January/February or all is lost. But I have a friend at work who has an awesome garden each year and he didn't start seeds until the middle of April!

Little by little, I've built a pretty sweet garden on a concrete slab in the middle of the city.

And things are starting to grow.

{Spinach}

It's been a lot of work...

and a lot of carrying ri-donkulously heavy and awkward loads of gardening supplies through multiple metro stations...

but I've done it. I've done all the hard work over and over again.

Early on in this process I realized that I just had to do what worked for me and what I could afford using what was available to me. After all, plants have been growing for millions and millions of years without human intervention. One year my dad went up on our roof and found a healthy, viable tomato plant growing in a mound of opossum doodie. All that little plant had going for it was a small amount of compost, sun light, and a teensy weensy amount of morning dew, and it grew.

{Arugula/Rocket if you want to sound posh}

I don't have a green thumb at all. I've killed several cacti and succulents in my lifetime. But this year I've sprouted a lot of seeds in not the best environment, and now I have a lot of seedlings and plants that look like they're gonna make it. I've probably over- and under-watered all of them at some point or another, and will probably continue to do so, but, guess what? It's going to be okay.

{Zinnia}

Bottom line -- I think that intuition, common sense, and trial and error are the best teachers. I still do a lot of research, but I forced myself into just doing and possibly failing as opposed to waiting until I have the time, money, and space to kick things off exactly the way they should be. I don't usually have this attitude, but I'm making myself push through this time.

:::From the Archives: I'm Here:::

2011-05-07T22:00:00.000-04:00

I wrote this post some time last August, but never published it.

I can hear children playing in the housing project across the street from my building. Children still play outside.

And crickets singing in the night air.

The white noise of cars.

Buses moving down their route.

The hum of my refrigerator.

That vacant but sonorous noise of cities at night.

My blinds are moving in the subtle breeze.

This is a good moment.

:::Sugar, Snap:::

2011-05-06T09:55:00.000-04:00

A big, big surprise this morning from the sugar peas.

:::Winning, duh:::

2011-04-22T10:10:00.000-04:00

The level of my anxiety is thus -- I've been having panic attacks for three weeks about the royal wedding.

Just like I had a panic attack over the inauguration, and just like I have panic attacks before and during the Olympics. Also, awards shows, season premieres, general conference, major sporting events, elections, eclipses, large natural disasters, parades, and sequels (books or movies).

Last minute suggestions for our Relief Society's service auction would be appreciated. My friend asked me what I was going to offer, and I said, 'Myself as a second wife in the celestial kingdom.'

*rimshot*

But seriously, I can't auction myself off yet, so I need some ideas.

:::Treasuries:::

2011-04-21T16:38:00.000-04:00

My new favorite time wasting creative outlet is making treasuries on Etsy. I just finished my first one today, which was inspired by the weather + the scenery from the loads of Miss Marple movies that I've been watching lately/always. There's a little sneak peek below, but you can see the full collection here.

:::Strained:::

2011-04-15T12:10:00.001-04:00

I'm lonely, tired, sick, scared, bored, confused, really worried, and staying home from work today. I wish one of you could come by and talk to me.

New plant is up.

Big Mama Lima Bean.

:::12 on the 12th -- April 2011:::

2011-04-13T20:04:00.000-04:00

1. I've been really lazy lately about making my bed in the morning. I usually end up making it when I come home because it makes me feel more tidy that way.
2. After all of these years, I went back to Shroom. The MAC guy talked me into one more eye shadow plus a base.
3. There is a courtyard between our building and a church next door. At lunch I sat out there to enjoy the Spring weather, which I don't often do because the area is usually over run with smokers. The benches were all wet, but I hoard napkins so I was able to dry one off.
4. One of the attorneys walked past me while I was sitting out there and pretended like she didn't know me. Happens all the time. It's especially awkward when you're passing them in the halls inside the office.
5. My stomach has been weird lately, and all I could imagine eating for lunch was a chocolate shake.
6. There is a large South American organization near us with a good number of staffers who like to jog shirtless on their lunch hour. Very into peacocking, they are. Turns out the security guard in our lobby saw me taking that picture. Awesome.
7. Can't wait to show you what this bad boy is. I was so afraid these weren't going to germinate.
8. Baseball season has started. Crowded metro = bad. Friday home game fireworks = sweet.
9. Dyed Easter eggs. Still sitting on their drying apparatus. We'll see if I actually end up doing anything with them.
10. Pepperoni bread. Great nutrition day.
11. I'm on a knitting hiatus at the moment, but last night I was able to force myself to knit about 12 stitches. Go big or go home.
12. A bootleg evening of mystery with pale, skinny, White boy #1 (on the right). Good shoes, nice coat, and a swagger. Love it.

:::I Love Squash and Gardening Notes:::

2011-04-08T22:03:00.000-04:00

I have decided that squash are my favorite seedlings of all because they come up so strong and hearty. I've had nothing but wispy little sissy seedlings for weeks, so I'm loving this change of texture.

After only knowing each other for a few hours, I'm in love with my squash plants. I couldn't tear myself away from them last night.

Oh my goodness, look at those vein-y things! I could die, I could just die! It's as if they start right off the bat as adult plants. All of my other seedlings look almost identical at this stage.

I think that plants do most of their growing at night, or at least it seems that way. When I woke up this morning one of my microgreen trays had completely exploded.

That soil was perfectly smooth yesterday morning, but now all of those little kohlrabi and chard and whatever else are breaking up the soil and pushing right on through.

In other news, beets and peas are up...

and so are cucumbers. And have I got a story that you wouldn't believe about tomatoes...

Reader: "Faye, I don't want to here about your garden anymore. It's boring"

Me: "Go away."

Here's the current setup --

This may look like overkill. Well, yeah, it is overkill. I read somewhere that you should plant multiple seeds because not everything will germinate. That didn't really happen to me. It seems like every single seed I planted eventually germinated and now wants to live. I don't have the heart to thin them out, which is why I currently have like 16 parsley plants going. What am I going to do with that much flat leaf parsley? Pesto? I hate pesto. Blurg.

In my first planting, I started all of my seeds in those clear takeout containers that you see in the background. With my online Burpee order, I just went straight for the styrofoam cups. Both have their pros and cons.

Trays
Pros -- Easy to move, use less soil, can shut the lid before germination to trap in heat, stable.
Cons -- Pricking out required, dry out more quickly.

Cups
Pros -- No pricking out, can put off transplanting longer, hold more water, slimmer footprint.
Cons -- Really a pain to move, wasted cup if nothing germinates, can fall over.

That being said, I will always grow microgreens in the trays, and I would always start 'big' seedlings like squash, beans, and peas in cups.

I still love this project. It has required some planning and a lot of work, but I am really enjoying myself. The only thing that bugs a little is moving a good majority of the cups and trays at night so that I can shut my blinds, then moving them all back in the morning so the plants can be close to the sunlight coming in through my window. Putting all the cups and some of the trays in box lids has helped make this process go quicker every day.

Questions were asked about...

1. My balcony size. I have a very large balcony. This is the only picture I have on hand, but it doesn't really show the true depth and length correctly.

Once all of the seedlings have turned into full blown plants, I'll be giving most of them away. As I said earlier, I wasn't expecting all of the seeds to germinate, so I over-planted quite a bit. Woops. But seeds are super cheap, and it's a lesson learned, so I can't complain.

2. Redemption Heap. Behold --

There's a seminary lesson somewhere in here. These have all been pricked out and are now living three to a Styrofoam cup.

Well, that's all for now. I can't wait to go home tonight and see what else has happened when I was away. I'll bet the squash seedlings have more green to them and all the heads are straight. And maybe, maybemaybemaybemaybemaybe there will finally be some action with the carrots. Fingers crossed.

:::No Mas:::

2011-04-06T11:20:00.000-04:00

My Burpee seeds finally came, so this weekend I had a marathon planting session.

That is the current setup, plus some other seedlings that are learning how to spend some time outside...

...but have to come inside at night.

I am running out of s-p-a-c-e + patience. I wish it would warm up already so I could move everything outdoors for good.

I also wish I could say that I was done planting seeds, but on Monday I realized that I haven't planted cilantro or basil, then I found a determinate tomato plant that I want to try. I also decided that I wanted to plant Borage because wouldn't it be romantic to sprinkle delicate blue flowers over my salads?

Help.

:::Nice and Smooth:::

2011-04-04T22:21:00.001-04:00

Breakthrough of the century --

(Difference in color is due to lighting)

Smoothies keep over night if you use Greek yogurt.

:::Like a Greased Pig:::

2011-04-02T22:03:00.000-04:00

How was your Saturday? Good?

Well, the highlight of my day was flying out of the shower bum-smacking nekkid because I thought I heard someone trying to break down my door, only to realize that the noises were actually fireworks, then running to my window (because I love fireworks) with wet, conditioner-soaked hair dripping down my back only to slip on my overly varnished wood floors, hit my head on the wall, stub multiple toes, take out my drying rack, and knock over my $1k air filter which I only saved from hitting the floor by tilting onto myself.

But the fireworks were nice.

I love a free show.

Hopefully the people across the street from me do as well.

:::Twinners:::

2011-04-01T21:03:00.000-04:00

I'm so glad my little Molly was born. Now I know what my kids would have looked like.

She's my mini me.

I also love her because she's funny and a bit of a diva. Well, maybe we're the same in that respect as well.

Date: Friday, April 1, 2011
From: Sarah
To: Me, Elizabeth, Mom

Molly just saw me organizing my digital files and said, "Oh that's me and Rebekah." I said, "You and who?!?" and she said, "You know, you call her Rebekah."

:::Spring Planting:::

2011-03-24T20:53:00.001-04:00

I decided to start some seeds this year so I could have a garden. Seeds are so much cheaper than plants, and planting seeds lets you in on the magic of watching something grow and come alive.

The most exciting part is when the first green buds peak out of the dirt.

It's so fun to search the dirt each night and each morning tiny for specks of green.

I planted lettuce for micro and baby greens, a tiny pot of marigolds, cosmos, zinnias, and poppies.

I also started some tomatoes and flat-leaf parsley, but nothing sprouted by the time everything else was up so I dumped all the dirt into a pile. I decided that the seeds could grow there if they felt so inclined. I call it Redemption Heap -- their last chance to cooperate in my survival-of-the-fittest garden.

On Sunday I planted another round of the same seeds, plus spinach and peppers.

The exciting news of this week is that the first true leaves are starting to sprout!

Isn't that first plant with the brown husk interesting? That shell is actually the seed that I put in the dirt. It's like the plant grows backwards at first. The first cotyledons slowly slips out of the shell, then the husk clings on to the remaining cotyledon until it is finally flung off. I wish I could tell you with certainty which flower it is (cosmos?), but I don't label anything when I plant. I think it make things more interesting and exciting later on.

By far, the flowers are growing much more quickly than the vegetables. And guess what? I just placed a big seed order. Striped beets and purple carrots are on their way.

:::The Quality of Mercy:::

2011-03-13T22:17:00.000-04:00

This quote from the Merchant of Venice has been kicking around in my head today --

The quality of mercy is not strain’d,

It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven

Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest;

It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.

The Savior is never strained with His love, mercy, or kindness. Though I may show these virtues, I don't know how often I give them without some strain, hesitance, fear, or even judgment on my part. I always marvel at how freely and openly the Savior loved those around Him. How do you even do that? What would it be like to live that way? I can imagine a small part of what it must have been like to feel that love. Why doesn't this motivate me more often to show that love to others?

Thank Goodness For Spring

2011-03-10T06:53:00.001-05:00

I hope we get to enjoy an actual Spring season this year. Summer usually pushes its way in and ruins the fun way too early.

:::Part of the Whole Story:::

2011-02-22T17:53:00.000-05:00

I want to thank everyone for their supportive comments on my last post. It's a post I've been wanting to write for a long, long time, but I never know how much to share as I blog about my life.

Those of you who have had the pleasure of knowing (putting up with) me in person have been through various ups and down with me throughout years. Whether I was forthcoming with the information or you guessed it on your own, it was probably obvious to you that I suffer from chronic depression.

Depression has been a constant struggle for me since before high school. This black dog never goes away. While some people may experience depression at different points in their life during depressive episodes, my form of depression is always present. It is always there, and it will always require vigilant handling, regardless of whether I am feeling up or down. I say this so that you can understand that I don't just feel blue, and that there isn't an easy cure for my version of depression. Think cold vs. emphysema. Colds stink and there really isn't a cure for them, but they eventually go away with the help of medication or just the natural run of time.When a cold is gone, it's gone.

Emphysema also has no cure, but unlike a cold, it won't run it's course. It's a permanent, every day condition. I hate it when people suggest that I can get over feeling depressed, or when people tell me, 'Oh, I was depressed once!' then give me advice for how I should get over it. You were depressed once? What? Seriously?

I would chew my right arm off to be done with depression. It is beyond frustrating (and hysterically enough, depressing) to go to so many great lengths to keep myself feeling well only to be socked by a worse-than-normal bout of depression.

I will always be depressed. I guess it's like being an alcoholic. Once you've gone through treatment and have remained sober for a period of time, you're just an alcoholic that is choosing not to drink. Every day you have to wake up and go through whatever processes it is that you go through to keep your head above water. Some days the alcoholic flies high, and some days all she can do is make it from sun-up to sun down without taking that drink that she's obsessing over. That's her victory. Staying still, not doing anything.

The severity of my depression depends on...I wish I knew what. I can be in the best of circumstances and feel suicidal. I don't know why that happens, I just know that it does and it will.

Living life is a difficult choice for me some times. When I wrote the previous post, I was at the beginning of a suicidal period, which have been coming more frequently lately. I don't want to shock anyone with that, I just want to help people understand why I am the way I am sometimes and what it's like to be someone who suffers from serious depression. For the past two years I have done more to try and improve my well-being, but over the course of time my depression has worsened. Again, I don't know why that is.

I have been in and out of therapy for years. I have been prescribed a bevvy of medications. I am currently on a few anti-depression medications, plus occasionally an anti-anxiety medication. I know this will make some readers and lurkers think less of me, but I'm hoping that by being honest about my struggles I can help someone else just by letting them know that they aren't alone.

I know I'm not the only one who has to deal with depression. For anyone reading this who also has to deal with serious depression, self-harming, and suicidal thoughts, impulses, and actions, I know what it's like. I know how hard every day living can be. I know why little things are major victories to you. I understand why you feel so tired and so drained just from 'being'.

The outcome that I hope for from this post is understanding, not pity. I'm closing the comment section because I don't want anyone to feel like they have to say something in response to all of this. Some of you may not know what to say, which is totally normal.

Thank you all again for your support. We were all in Texas this past weekend for Sophia's baptism, so I'll post about that soon.

:::I Wish I Knew:::

2011-02-16T11:05:00.001-05:00

When do you know you've failed at life?

When you're flying down a Texas highway with your head out of the window, vomiting, gagging, mumbling, 'I'm a winner, I'm a winner, I'm a winner...' over and over again, trying to psych yourself up for a flight that you've canceled, rescheduled, canceled and rescheduled again?

That was last year.

Spending all night in the bathroom vomiting so loudly that it wakes up your nephew?

That was the year before.

Seems like I always have a breakdown when I go to Texas.

When you're wandering around your apartment in the early morning hours with barely enough strength to stay upright, but a churning stomach that keeps you from lying down?

When you go into the red with sick time and look ahead and worry what you're going to do when you get sick again?

That was this morning.

And a couple months ago, and a couple months before that, and on and on.

When none of the steps you take to improve your situation pan out? When you make hard decisions but nothing happens?

I fail at life. I'm tired of going through the difficulties of life, of depression, alone. The never ending beating that happens. I wish I had a life coach that I could take out of my hall closet when I needed help, encouragement, a sanity check. I really don't feel equipped to continue any further. These past two years have been such a strain. Maybe I'm not who I think I am, maybe my goals have all been wrong. Maybe I have no idea what's going on around me. I know I don't understand, and I've prayed for understanding, but my ears must be filled with cotton.

I am at a loss, a complete and total loss. I can't make heads or tails of life, of my life. I've tried so very hard over these years to do the right thing at every juncture.

:::12 on the 12th -- It's a Celebration:::

2011-02-13T17:20:00.000-05:00

1. I've been on a washcloth bender for a couple of weeks now.
2. One of the local PBS station plays two episodes of Eastenders every Saturday morning. I. love. it. The episodes are like 5 years behind, so I enjoy googling the cliffhangers.
3. Blue skies.
4. Home pedicure.
5. Lovely coworker Erica painting the prettiest vase at All Fired Up.
6. Shorty chose to do this fused glass thing-y.
7. Oh, I struggled mightily making a design decision.
8. My friend's little sister was in town and she made these coconut orange cupcake delightfullnesses of wondrous glory.
9. Shorty gave me this framed vintage Utah postcard. I love it so much. Seriously, this is one of those gifts that is just so perfect that I never would have known to ask for.
10. Group photo. Many thanks to Shorty and Carissa who have made sure that I've had awesome birthday celebrations for the past three years. I can't believe how nice they are to me.
11. I took this botched self-portrait during my cab ride home. I have no idea what happened, but I like the streaky lights running through me eyes.
12. Birthday card and gift from Jill. She takes the best photos.

:::Used Books:::

2011-02-06T23:09:00.000-05:00

On Saturday I went to the funniest little used bookstore near Eastern Market. Books were crammed everywhere, everywhere, even along the staircase, making for a tight walk up to the second floor.

Foreign language books were in the bathroom where opera was playing.

Books were stuffed into closets and around chairs. They really utilized every single space, and then some.

One of the shop owners is an endearing curmudgeon type. There are funny signs all over the store, such as a sign over a stack of books about George Washington that says, 'George Washington lies here.' Near the register there are some featured books set out with humorous tags.

These were my favorites --

I stayed for a while, but then gaggles and gaggles of GW students poureded in, so I made my exeunt. I'm sure I'll be back though.

:::Peanut Butter Popcorn:::

2011-01-31T22:27:00.000-05:00

Do you love yourself? Your family? Your friends?

Make this Peanut Butter Popcorn for them post haste. I found the recipe last night via the kitchn and made it tonight for, ahem, FHE...yeah, for FHE. That's why I needed to make an entire treat recipe just for myself...

Below is the original recipe, then the recipe as I made it tonight.

Peanut Butter Popcorn
makes about 8 cups

1/4 cup popcorn kernels
Vegetable oil
Fine salt
1/2 cup honey
1/3 cup sugar
1/2 cup peanut butter (should be free of added sugar)
1/2 teaspoon vanilla

Prepare a clean paper shopping bag or oversized mixing bowl. Heat a large heavy pan over medium heat and film the bottom with vegetable oil. Add the popcorn, shake to distribute, then put a lid on the pan. Leave a small crack for steam to escape. When the popcorn starts popping, shake vigorously to make sure the kernels pop evenly. When the popping slows, take the pan off the heat.

Pour the popcorn into the paper bag or bowl to cool, being careful to leave any unpopped kernels in the pan. Coated with peanut butter caramel, the unpopped kernels are a serious tooth hazard. Lightly salt the popcorn to taste.

Mix the honey and sugar in a small saucepan and bring to a boil. Let it simmer for a couple minutes, then remove from the heat and add the peanut butter. Stir vigorously until all the peanut butter is melted, then mix in the vanilla.

Immediately pour the peanut butter caramel over the popcorn and stir with a long-handled wooden spoon until it's all coated. Once it's mixed you can put it in a serving bowl. Cover tightly after it's cooled.

-------------------------------------------

Rebekah's Peanut Butter Popcorn
makes about as much as it makes

1/2 cup popcorn kernels (because I'm a 'don't measure cut twice' type of person)
Vegetable oil
Fine salt
1/2 cup honey
1/3 cup sugar (I didn't have enough white sugar, so I used some brown sugar as well)
1/2 cup peanut butter (Full of sugar, the way regular, sane people eat peanut butter. Also, I used crunchy)
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
* Combine the peanut butter and vanilla now to make your life easier later.*

Directions

Spray a large mixing bowl/receptacle with non-stick cooking spray. Do not skip this step. I used a nice-sized glass salad bowl from Ikea. The bowl doesn't have to be gigantic.

Use your hot air popper and pop the popcorn into the prepped mixing bowl/popcorn receptacle. Done.

Heat the honey and sugar on the stove over a medium flame until 'boiling'. Turn down the flame to low and let it simmer for a two minutes. Stir constantly, like for the entire time.

Remove caramel from heat, stir in peanut butter and vanilla. Use caution to avoid splashes! Boiling caramel be hot, yo.

Stir vigorously until the peanut butter is melted and completely incorporated into the caramel mixture.

Immediately pour over popcorn.

Mix the popcorn and peanut butter caramel mixture with gentle folding motions.

EAT EAT EAT.

Result: My version was just a tiny bit on the too sweet side, probably due to the brown sugar fill-in and the fact that I didn't really measure how much I was using. Ha! What did I say about cutting twice? Oh, and the fact that I used regular peanut butter...because I can pretend to like a lot of things but natural peanut butter is not one of them, so I don't buy it.

Also, even though I didn't go to the trouble of making the popcorn on the stove, adding salt to the popcorn or to the peanut butter caramel mixture would provide a nice foil to the sweetness. I'm still in love with the result though.

Enjoy!

:::Working Class Weekend:::

2011-01-30T23:29:00.000-05:00

Sunday night, and I can feel the magic draining out of the weekend. Sunrise, sunset...

Tonight was the last episode of Downton Abbey. Have you been watching? The Dowager Countess has a great line during the first dinner party scene. When the new (and middle class) heir to Downton explains that he'll be able to work as a lawyer during the day and help run the estate at night and on the weekends, she replies, "What...what is a 'weekend'?" Oh, Dowager Countess, I wish I had to ask that question.

I'm going to go sit in bed now and wait for my lady's maid to bring me some cocoa.

:::How?:::

2011-01-27T21:37:00.002-05:00

For the life of me, I could not find my glasses after I came home from work today. I searched and searched to no avail. And then I found them when I heard the loud crunch under my foot. How? How did my glasses get on the floor? I have never, ever found my glasses on the floor before, and I certainly don't store them there.

I was able to bend them back into shape but they're still a bit wonky. I was planning on choosing some new frames this month since our FSA money just reset for the new year, so I guess this event couldn't have been timelier!

But that's not all.

I was talking to my sister on the phone this evening when I got up to add some water to the lentils I was cooking. Crunch! I stepped on one of my iPod ear buds. What?! I was able to gently piece it back together, but I'll have to get a replacement pair this weekend.

What are the odds?

:::Thankful Today:::

2011-01-20T19:11:00.000-05:00

I'm so thankful to the Lord for being there for me, for never leaving me alone. I'm thankful that He leads our days, and guides us.

That's all. :)

:::Icy Conditions:::

2011-01-18T21:20:00.000-05:00

We had a bit of freezing rain last night. When the sun came up this morning I saw that the twinkle lights on my balcony had been delicately encased in ice.

The vacant lot that I walk across in the morning was completely iced over.

It was pretty cool. I don't know why I like harsh winter weather, but I do. Under the surface of the semi-translucent ice, rocks, sticks, and hay were still visible. I half expected to see some dead faces down there as well.

Going contrary to anything that has ever happened before in the history of our office, the powers that be decided that we wouldn't open until 11 am today due to the poor road conditions the ice storm caused. They sent out an alert to everyone's voicemail, but we never open late so most people didn't even think to call and check their messages. I arrived close to my normal time but chose to do a crossword puzzle and eat a Cadbury bar until starting time.

The Express is a Washington Post commuter paper. Their puzzle is always easy, so it's fun to do. The candy bar was from my boss's daughter who just came back from some kind of study abroad in London. She said her daughter was so happy to be home because, 'It's so boring over there and there's nothing to do.' I'll give you a minute to process that one.

Have you heard of this book? Probably, I'm slow on the uptake sometimes.

It's fun. The book is made up of short, conversational book recommendations based on different themes such as Bicycling, Les Crimes Noir (that's French for The Crimes Noir), First Lines to Remember, Italian American Writers, Mothers and Sons, World War I Fiction, etc. She gives a few authors their own entries, such as the wonderful and delightful Barbara Pym.

Anyhow, check it out. There's a second edition as well that is probably waiting for me on the hold shelf across the street at my local branch. I have a serious 'holds' habit.

Ha! I just remembered this quote --

"Sir, When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life."

Seriously.

:::My Most Favorites:::

2011-01-15T13:25:00.001-05:00

Cab rides
Twinkle Lights
Swift elevators
Joan Hickson
The Wasatch Front
Temples
Unscented hand cream
The feeling of water
Packages in the mail from online shopping
Spring in Utah
Chewy Brownies
Reading and hearing Latin
Fall in Utah
Swimming
The scent of plumerias
Libraries
Sophia, Scott, and Molly (and Bruno)
Dogs, especially dopey ones
Taking pictures
London
Breezy curtains
Lipglass
Being a temple recommend holder
Drives, especially on Sunday
The color green
The area around 17th Street & Constitution NW
Hearing or seeing my name other places
Tung brushes
Walking on grass
Rain storms
Crockpots
The Tree Streets in Provo
Rocking babies to sleep
Christmas
Lord of the Rings
Spaghetti Bolognese
Easter
Nice carpet
Bookshelves
The sound of the ocean
Mist and fog
Big, comfy chairs
Western landscapes
Cows & The Cow
Early mornings
Dusk
Pedicures
"And the sunlight clasps the earth, and the moonbeams kiss the sea..."
Big, big windows
Church bells
Farmers Markets
Quesadillas
Citrus
Construction paper valentines
Heavy glass vases
Felting
Cherry blossoms around DC
Having people to cook for
Small spaces
The Dock of the Bay
Big skies
Humidifiers
Pantene
Tulips
Soft, warm light
iPods
Nice handwriting
Long undershirts
My mom
Nicknames
Indian food
Bright colors
Ezekiel 18:32
Relaxation cds
Horses
Sheep
Glass jars
Chick Lit
Cushy slippers
Toffee
Etsy
The Lake Isle of Innisfree
Eggs
Netflix
Dole Whips
Trees
Gas stoves
Settling into a hotel room
Wood furniture
Bright nail polish
Good restaurants
How Clear, How Lovely Bright
Plain bean burritos
Watermelon
Rivers
The Prairie
Amazon.com
Good memories
Laundry
Summer grilling
Mormon 9:27
Casseroles
Tamales
Tito's
Big jewelery
Internet connectivity
Small shopping carts
Quiet museums
Pennsylvania Ave. NW at 10th Street to Constitution Ave. NW at New Jersey Ave.
Lists
Sourdough bread
Robert A. Taft Memorial and Carillon
My time at TMH
My apartment in Provo
Lucky breaks
Unscented white candles
Trivia
Super Target
Laughing
Blankets made with Minky Dimple Dot
Cheese and crackers
Quiet Sundays in Utah
Blogs
The Savior
Motels
Nancy Drew
Ironing
Half-empty office days
Old fashioned vanilla ice cream
Milk chocolate
Balloons
Victoriana
Lunch out
English gardens
Acorns
Bar soap
Sweet dreams
Heavy slumber
Gingerbread
Squash
Chartreuse
Gold rings
Riding a bike
Wind chimes
TJ Maxx
Absorbent dishtowels

...To be continued?

:::Pandora, Pandora, Pandora I HATE You:::

2011-01-14T10:54:00.000-05:00

Do you listen to Pandora at work?

I do. Quietly, at my desk.

The ads, unfortunately, are played at a higher volume than you've tuned your station to. Annoying, yeah, but whatever.

Unless, UNLESS, the freaking ad for No Strings Attached comes on, and you get to hear Natalie Portman loudly asking Ashton Kutcher if they should use each other for s*x (trying to avoid spammers with the *). Or you get to hear Natalie Portman loudly asking Ashton Kutcher if he brought her a balloon for having s*x with him.

Seriously? Do they not understand that a hefty chunk of their listeners use Pandora while they're at work? Do they not understand how bad it would look if one of your coworkers walked by and heard that? Heaven forbid a supervisor should walk by. Seriously.

And no, I'm not going to upgrade my account so I don't have to listen to ads. Pandora should just have some class.

I'm not the only one who feels this way. I found these comments on the Pandora blog:

Thank you for a great service. I love Pandora - got my folks turned onto it too and they listen non stop. In fact I just got my parents the paid membership for Christmas. And it's a good thing I did - the first time they heard that "No strings attached" ad they would have signed off for life. Wow!! Could they scream "S*X" more often?? Could it be more inappropriate for the workplace, the car with my kids, home in the evening, or anywhere else I listen to Pandora?
Thanks for an embarrasing workplace moment in front of my boss! Nice!

Posted by: Cheryl at January 13, 2011 10:08 AM

Hi Tim -

Thanks for a great product that has introduced me to so much wonderful music! Without Pandora, I never would have found musicians like The Tallest Man on Earth and Jackson C. Frank. Pandora makes my work day bearable.

My only complaint is that the ads are sometimes REALLY inappropriate for work. When someone stops by my office to talk and suddenly Pandora plays an ad for "No Strings Attached" that screams "Why can't we just have s*x?????," I feel somewhat awkward and embarrassed. Ok, more than somewhat awkward. I wish I cared less about what people think. But c'mon, can Pandora please do something to make ads more work appropriate?

Thank you!!!!

Posted by: Taylor at January 12, 2011 5:21 PM

Love Pandora, but I listen to it at work...could really do without the inappropriate ads that I have to scramble to turn down (like the ad for No Strings Attached when they are screaming out their excitement about getting laid). It seems strange that you guys would have a non-work appropriate ad playing during the day. Anyway, just wanted to toss that out there.

Posted by: JK at January 5, 2011 6:58 AM

Tim, we've loved everything about Pandora until tonight...

As I sit at 6:52 PM (not exactly an ungodly hour), eating dinner with my family which includes a 10-year old and 7-year old, an ad comes on Pandora. This wouldn't normally be a problem except that this is an ad for a new movie called "No Strings Attached" which, during it's promo on Pandora, mentions s*x and having s*x and the need for s*x a multitude of times. Really? At this time of day when all ears are listening?

Posted by: Lisa at January 8, 2011 7:00 PM

I really love Pandora but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE consider screening ads for work-appropriate content. These "No Strings Attached" ads that scream "Why can't we just have s*x?????" are really awkward when colleagues walk by or stop by my office.

Posted by: TK at January 12, 2011 7:32 AM

I agree with the above posters about the inappropriate ad on Pandora for the movie "No Strings Attached". I play this at work and I have to be right at my computer to mute it when it comes on. I can't even play Pandora at home because of the ad....little ears! It seems like it is the only ad on Pandora nowadays.

Posted by: Ashley at January 12, 2011 8:41 AM

:::January 12th, 2011 -- 12 on the 12th:::

2011-01-12T20:52:00.001-05:00

I've decided to join in on 12 on the 12th this year. I made my template in Picasa (free), which now allows you to control photo placement in grids. It's about time.

Warning: It may be a bit of a stretch on days that the 12th falls on a workday since it's not really Kosher to take pictures at or blog about work. Boo, jobs.

1. I woke up at 5:45 this morning but lazed around so much that I was running incredibly behind. Even though I knew that the clock was ticking away, I still decided that it was the perfect time to clean my sink and toilet. I love Method's Pink Grapefruit Multi-Surface Cleaner.
2. The lateness of my departure necessitated a cab ride. The cabbie drove my favorite route to the office. I love crossing the Mall and seeing the Capitol and all the museums.
3. One of my pairs of long socks this year (which are used as stockings in the W household), courtesy of Santa/Dr. Ben. The office is freezing cold and I try to keep my socks on for as long as possible before I have to put on my work shoes and walk somewhere.
4. One of the daily email chains with sisters and mom.
5. I've eaten a version of Chop't's St. Tropez salad each day this week -- romaine lettuce, tuna, yukon gold potatoes, green beans, red onions, crumbled egg and chickpeas with lemon vinaigrette. So good. I eat some at lunch, then eat the rest later in the afternoon.
6. NYT crossword with a coworker. We work on it most days, and we rocked it today even though there was a tricky not-revealed theme. Go us. I got 58 across because I watched this documentary on Sunday. Yeah, I'm cool.
7. Wow, look at all the snow that big storm dumped.
8. I've been leaving my tv on when I leave for work in the morning. That way I get every last second of witty morning show repartee possible before I trudge out into the gray, dull world. The antenna turns itself off at some point during the day, hence the snowy screen. I don't understand why it does this. Also, I need to put a picture in that frame.
9. My arriving home routine begins with a hand wash...
10. ...then removal of contacts...
11. ...then brushing of teeth...
12. ...then glasses on. I love this routine. It makes me feel refreshed and happy at the end of each long day.

:::Weekly Goals -- It's Always Dusty:::

2011-01-10T20:16:00.001-05:00

This week my goals are to:

1. Sort out my entryway
2. Felt a birthday present for a coworker
3. Dust
4. Clear off my dining room table
5. Finish my book

I'm rolling with these goals, not beating myself up if I don't knock all of the items off my list. As you can see, these aren't essentials, so no harm, no foul.

In other news, we're supposed to have a big storm tonight, which means it's not going to snow at all. Who would have thought that the South would get more snow than we would? I don't understand how these storms hit the South, skip us, then swing up the coast. Oh well. Fingers crossed!

:::Alarming:::

2011-01-08T12:17:00.001-05:00

I know most people my age are still out in da club at 1:30 in the morning, but I was sound asleep. Waking up to the screeching noise of my building's fire alarm was fairly confusing to my mottled brain. It took me a looong time to get in response mode this time around (fire alarms are a fairly, but not too regular occurrence), and then it took me an added 6 or 7 minutes to get dressed because I had to find and put on scarf, gloves, thick socks, snow boots, coat, and hat on top of my regular clothes. It's been pretty cold here lately, and I didn't know if or how long we'd have to stand outside. Then I had to find my cell phone, keys, and wallet, then I worried about having cash for a cab ride to Arlington* (and getting a cab in the middle of the night) just in case I had to stay in a hotel overnight...did you know that I overreact to emergency situations?

Of course, by the time I was all bundled up the alarm stopped, which is good because I was sure that if there had been major flames, a jump off my balcony would be my only escape option left by the time I was ready to go. The firemen still had to come though. Bless their hearts.

And my neighbor's dog barked for the rest of the morning, so I had to put in ear plugs. But that is another story in and of itself, which I will tell you later.

*There are a plethora of Marriott and Hilton type hotels concentrated along the same street in Crystal City, and a metro station very nearby. If push came to shove, I could walk from hotel to hotel to find a room if I had to.

:::Veggie Samurai:::

2011-01-06T19:59:00.000-05:00

While she was here, my sweet little mama noticed my addiction to my favorite iPod game -- Word Solitaire. I usually play a few levels at night right before I got to bed, and one night she watched over my shoulder to see how the game was played.

After I finished a full game, I went ahead and showed her some of my other favorite games like Moxie, Moxie 2, and Boggle. Then, as a side note, I showed her Veggie Samurai, thinking it wasn't really her type of game.

Wow, was I wrong. We were up until 4 a.m. Someone became a little obsessed.

One of the funniest things I've ever witnessed. Love you, mom. You rock.

:::Weekly Goals -- So Much Ham!:::

2011-01-03T20:01:00.000-05:00

I'm hoping to post some goals for myself each week. I love blogging minutiae, so here's hoping you'll enjoy mine.

1. Finishing knitting the dishcloth I started.
2. Take ornaments off Christmas tree (that bad boy is staying up until it dies, which it isn't close to doing).
3. Take large trash items out.
4. Begin Valentine's felting project.
5. Figure out something to do with the whole ham I have in my fridge (give me a break, they were finally on sale!)

6. Make these homemade Wheat Thins.
7. Figure out something to do with the three giant bunches of greenery that are currently sitting in a pot in my living room. Another sale item -- $1 a bunch. I have a problem.

:::The Season -- Thanksgiving Through New Year's Day:::

2011-01-01T21:46:00.001-05:00

Some of my favorite photos from the holidays. As you can see, my main goal this year was to cook and bake my way through the season. It was delicious.

:::2010 Review:::

2010-12-31T18:17:00.001-05:00

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before? I moved into my own apartment in a big city.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Didn't make any last year, will probably make some this year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? My bffers Brittony.

4. Did anyone close to you die? Nope.

5. What countries did you visit? None.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010? An idea.

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? March, when I tried to move to Texas and failed oh so miserably.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Moving myself into this apartment with zero help. Go me!

9. What was your biggest failure? My failed moved to Texas.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? A massive panic attack in Texas, the worst in years.

11. What was the best thing you bought? My iPod was a gift, so I didn't technically buy that. I'll have to go with my air filter.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Mine, in reference to work situations.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? People at work.

14. Where did most of your money go? Rent and UHEAA. Some day that education is going to pay for itself, some day...:)

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Winning my iPod! Yeehaw!

16. What song will always remind you of 2010? Laudate Dominum sung by Emma Kirkby.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder?  b) thinner or fatter?  c) richer or poorer? Sadder. Same weight wise. Poorer, ha!

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Used my super powers. Honestly, I've got nothing for this one.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Interneting.

20. Did you fall in love in 2010? Nope.

21. What was your favorite TV program? Inspector Lewis, Doc Martin, Wallander, Roger & Val, Sherlock, and Wipeout. Yeah, I said Wipeout.

22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Myself, for seconds ago breaking two things that I just purchased, one of which I can't replace because I don't have a car. Really?!!

23. What was the best book you read? I went back to Chick-Lit this year to raise my spirits. If you're interested in my recommendations, we can talk.

24. What was your greatest musical discovery? La Roux.

25. What did you want and get? An apartment.

26. What did you want and not get? Divine guidance. Maybe next year?

27. What was your favorite film of this year? Blurg. Um...?

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 28, and I stayed home from work, made crafts, played in the snow, got my eyebrows waxed at the Red Door in the Willard, and had dinner with my friends at the House.

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Help from abooooooove. Some WD-40 in the cogs of life.

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010? Work clothes and pajamas.

I'm tempted to go down this route.

31. What kept you sane? My iPod!!! My nursery kids! Bishop + ward. The Mater. Friends at work. Family. My iPod!!! Internet that runs smoothly. YouTube for British shows. Netflix streaming. Cooking again. Taxis. Eternal perspective. Pretty little things to buy. Jokes. Fireworks. Restaurants.

:::Have You Ever...:::

2010-12-13T12:20:00.000-05:00

eaten your lunch hours before your lunch break?

:::Christmas Music Recommendations:::

2010-12-11T21:56:00.000-05:00

Christmas with Roger Whittaker
Roger Whittaker has such a rich and deep voice. "Darcy the Dragon" was my favorite Christmas song as a child. I also love "Momma Marie," "Hallelujah, It's Christmas," and "Christmas is Here Again." I'm going to warn you that if you download the whole album, skip "The Governor's Dream." It's fuh-rea-ky. Scared the jingle bells out of me when I was little.

The Christmas Gig
Um, the Target Christmas Album rocks the block, and is completely free to download or listen to. My favorites are "Electronic Santa" by Blazer Force," "10,000 Watts" by Crystal Antlers, and "Toy Jackpot" by Blackalicious. You've heard all three of these songs on Target's very fun Christmas commercials.

We Three Kings
Love The Roches We Three Kings album. Download the whole album because you get 24 songs for $11.99, but don't add "Frosty the Snowman" or "Winter Wonderland" to your playlist. They sing both songs in these weird Laverne and Shirley accents that I don't get. However, their rendition of "Good King Wenceslas" is very cool and 70s groovy.

Songs for Christmas
Of course, Sufjan Stevens. "Lo How a Rose E're Blooming" is one of my favorite carols, and his pared down version is powerful yet sweet, almost like a lullaby. I also love his versions of "Bring a Torch, Jeanette, Isabella", and "Once in Royal David's City." You can listen to the album for free on his label's website, or you can pay cash money for it on iTunes.

:::1 Mile of Walking + A Bunch of Escalators + Two Trains:::

2010-11-27T14:00:00.000-05:00

You don't tell me what I can't do, baby.

"...And I Shall Not Be Shamed"

2010-11-24T18:23:00.000-05:00

Love it.

:::Hairy Chested Swedes Doing Dishes in the Rain While Listening to Their iPods:::

2010-11-10T19:59:00.000-05:00

The screen protectors and silicone case thing-y for my iPod finally arrived. No more flour in my home button.

Cab ride in the ra-hain.

Last week, Cuff Link Fred told me that he loved my pink chest hair. Hardy, har, har, Cuff Link Fred.

Waaaallander. I just want to give him a hug and tell him everything will be o-tay. Bless him.

Too much of my life.

:::Nurseryyy:::

2010-11-07T22:44:00.000-05:00

I am thankful that the parents of our nursery children take the time to thank us for our service. It is quite a bit of work, and we're always wondering if we're doing enough, or making any lasting difference in their lives.

It makes me particularly happy when they let me know that their children talk about nursery all week long in a positive way. Imagine that! One mother took her daughter to an art class near our chapel this week, and when they passed the church the little girl said, 'I want to go to nursery!' When they were done with the class, she said, 'Mom, I just want to to go nursery,' in a 'That was nice, but let's stick with what works' sort of way.

Today one of our regulars didn't show up to class. During the last half hour of church he busted into the room with the biggest smile on his face. We were so excited to see him, and all the kids cheered when he ran in, but a minute later his mom came rushing after him. It turns out he had a runny nose, so she was keeping him out. When she lead him away his little face twisted up and he started wailing. So sad, but it made me happy because he used to hate coming into class each week.

Then we had another parent come and pull out his daughter because she had been coughing, and she cried as well.

Then another little girl cried because her family had to leave early. She used to have zero tolerance for nursery and her mom had to stay in with her every week for both hours. Sometimes she wouldn't come at all. Now she runs in each week talking and smiling and has no problems at all.

It's so nice to see the children enjoying church, and we really are boosted by the appreciation of the parents. I love watching the children grow. I remember when some of our kids were born, so I've seen them develop and change over time. I love that.

One last story. I was sitting in the foyer before church, and one of my little boys was out there with his grandpa. When he saw me he pointed at me and said, 'Dats my nurswy techer.' Oh man, it makes me feel so good when they remember who I am!

I've been in nursery for two years now, and I hope I have at least two more years ahead of me. I love all my little nut job nursery kids. Serving in Primary is the most honest work I do all week.

:::Merry Christmas!:::

2010-11-05T21:36:00.002-04:00

And there's Christmas candy at Safeway.

:::Reading Isn't My Backup Plan:::

2010-11-03T22:19:00.000-04:00

Book open, head down does not mean 'Please come talk to me, I have nothing better to do than read this dumb book.'

It means, 'I'm trying to read. I want to be engaged in this activity. This is what I want to be doing right now. Please stop talking to me. I'm already doing something.'

It's not that I'm anti-social, it's just that when I'm reading, I'm reading. Reading.

Reading.

:::I Live On the Hell Mouth:::

2010-10-28T16:42:00.001-04:00

Today is the 28th of October, 2010.

We are 36 days into Fall.

There are 28 days until Thanksgiving, two months until Christmas.

It is 80 degrees outside.

The humidity was in the 90s this week.

It's been like this for most of the month.

And drum roll please...

They turned off the air conditioning three weeks ago.

Awesome.

I don't believe in cold anymore. I don't believe that it was ever cold here, or that it will ever be cold again.

:::A Series of 'Are You Kidding Me?' Events:::

2010-10-25T22:26:00.001-04:00

1. Today at work I realized that I still hadn't returned some books that we didn't need to the publisher. West has a 45 day return policy, and the 45th day was on Saturday. Fun times. I got to spend my lunch hour strongly discussing the situation with a customer support rep. Living here has made me much more assertive. Also, my behind was on the line.

Once the situation was finally resolved, I spent the rest of the hour packaging the books and putting together a FedEx pickup because I had to get everything back to them within 10 days or we wouldn't be credited. Blurg. Double blurg. I couldn't risk messing with the USPS. I wonder how much that shipment is going to cost us.

2. There were too many people on the platform tonight for the first train that I take, so I couldn't make it into any of the cars. Thankfully, I got on to the second train that came.

When I got to my transfer station, the board said that the next three trains coming were all for my line. At some point, however, those trains magically changed color into the other line. All three of them. Seriously?

I decided to take the train in the opposite direction because I had a wait ahead of me and there were no free benches on the platform. Plus, there's a better chance of getting a seat if I take the train to the next stop up the line, then catch my train down from there.

3. The escalator at my home station was out of order. I had to w-a-l-k up the equivalent of like five flights of stairs at a steady clip without stopping. My legs were jelly by the end and I almost collapsed three steps before the top. Seriously? Breathing wasn't too much of an issue, thank goodness.

4. When I was right outside the gate to my complex I realized that I had left my keys at the office. NO!!! My worst fear realized. I was able to sneak through the gate with a group of people, then follow them into the building. We have electronic cards that we have to swipe at both points.

Once inside I ran over to the office, but it looked like no one was there. When I finally saw someone, I tapped on the glass and made a key turning motion. The lady shook her head no. BLURG! They have a policy that they don't do after hours lockouts, but it was like 3 minute 'til! I stood there stunned, then started rifling through my bag again to double check that my keys weren't there.

She eventually came back and mouthed for me to go stand by the maintenance office. When she opened the door she agreed to give me a key so I could go unlock my apartment, saving me an expensive call to a locksmith, or a panicked call to a friend for a couch to crash on. This is why I'm always soooooo nice to landlords.

I ran upstairs, unlocked my door, grabbed some tape and covered the lock catch (learned that at BYU), triple checked to make sure that all my locks were unlocked, then ran back downstairs and turned the key in.

I would have gone back to the office to get my keys, but the electronic key that I need to get into the building, make the elevator work, and get past the security door upstairs is, you guessed it, on my key ring, which is on my desk.

I'm hoooome now, sitting on my couch, eating eggs and potatoes. What a weird day. I was in a rare, 'It is what it is, just roll with it,' mood throughout all the transportation and key issues. I credit this to my new iPod and the three relaxation CDs that I loaded onto it this morning. Ah...goodbye commuting stress and chest pains.

:::Cooking Apps:::

2010-10-23T21:22:00.000-04:00

Man, I am loving this iPod. I've downloaded just a few apps, my two favorite so far being Martha Stewart's Everyday Food, and Mark Bittman's How to Cook Everything. Last night I stopped by Safeway after I got off the metro, connected to their wi-fi network*, and found a simple, quick, and delicious pasta recipe from Martha.

Spaghettini with Lemon Zest and Chives

Serves 4

1 pound spaghettini, or thin spaghetti (I used linguine and it worked very well. In fact, I think it worked better than thin spaghetti would.)
Zest and juice of 1 lemon
1 stick butter, cut into small pieces
1 cup ricotta salata cheese, or Parmesan, coarsely grated
2 tablespoons fresh chives, or scallion greens, thinly chopped
Salt and pepper
My sinful addition -- 1 egg to add to lemon sauce

Directions

1. In a large pot of boiling salted water, cook 1 pound of spaghettini, or thin spaghetti, until al dente according to package instructions.
2. Grate the zest of 1 lemon into a large pasta bowl. Juice the lemon, and add juice to the bowl. Stir in 1 stick butter, cut into small pieces, and 1 cup coarsely grated ricotta salata cheese or Parmesan.

2a. If you decide to add the egg, first scramble it in a separate bowl, then temper it with a ladle or two of the boiling pasta water. Then, add to lemon sauce. When the hot pasta is poured on top of the sauce, it will finish cooking egg.

3. Add drained pasta to lemon sauce, and sprinkle in 2 tablespoons thinly chopped fresh chives or scallion greens. Season with salt and pepper. Toss well, and serve.

I ate some of the leftovers today for lunch with the addition of some grilled chicken and a couple tomatoes. Reheat the pasta in a pan over low heat, then toss in the chicken and diced tomatoes. Yum.

This evening I made the most delicious Chocolate-Chocolate Chip Pancakes based on a variation of Mark Bittman's Basic Pancake recipe.

Basic Pancakes

Think of this as a nice, old fashioned pancake recipe that your grandma would have kept tucked in her recipe box on a faded index card.These pancakes weren't too light or too heavy, and cooked beautifully. I hate pancakes that are too light and foamy, but the hockey puck type aren't preferable either. This is my new go-to recipe.

Serves 4

2 cups all-purpose flour
1 Tbsp. baking powder
½ tsp. salt
1 Tbsp. sugar
1 or 2 eggs
1½ to 2 cups milk
2 Tbsp. melted and cooled butter (optional), plus unmelted butter for cooking, or use oil
1 tsp. vanilla (optional)

For Chocolate-Chocolate Chip variation add the following to the dry mixture --

1/4 cup cocoa
1 handful of chocolate chips

1. Preheat a griddle or large skillet over medium-low heat while you make the batter.

2. Mix together the dry ingredients. Beat the egg(s) into 1½ cups of milk, then stir in the 2 tablespoons melted cooled butter and vanilla (if you are using them). Gently stir this into the dry ingredients, mixing only enough to moisten the flour; don’t worry about a few lumps. If the batter seems thick, add a little more milk.

3. If your skillet or griddle is nonstick, you can cook the pancakes without any butter. Otherwise, use a teaspoon or two of butter or oil each time you add batter. When the butter foam subsides or the oil shimmers, ladle batter onto the griddle or skillet, making any size pancakes you like. Adjust the heat as necessary; usually, the first batch will require higher heat than subsequent batches. The idea is to brown the bottom in 2 to 4 minutes, without burning it. Flip when the pancakes are cooked on the bottom; they won’t hold together well until they’re ready.

4. Cook until the second side is lightly browned and serve, or hold on an ovenproof plate in a 200-degrees oven for up to 15 minutes.

My favorite thing about having these recipe apps is that it will help me avoid wandering around the market trying to figure out what I could possibly make for dinner. The funny thing is that last week I thought that I should print out a few go-to recipes to keep in my wallet, but now that I have my iPod I have a variety of recipes at my disposal!

I've heard good things about Epicurious's app, so I'll be sure to check that out soon.

Hope your weekend is going well.

*Martha's Everyday Food app requires internet access to run. I don't think Mark Bittman's app does, which is awesome.

:::A Great Thing:::

2010-10-18T21:20:00.001-04:00

Sometimes vendors will come to the firm to do training sessions or introduce product launches. If it's a product launch, they bring stuff for us -- pens, mousepads, water bottles, flash drives, etc. They want us to sign up for their new service, so they try and butter us up.

Westlaw came today with ice cream and a raffle. One of our partners won a laptop case.

I didn't want the laptop case.

Here is my story.

At the beginning of the meeting I carefully wrote my name on an entry slip, rolled it up as neatly as I could, and dropped it in the jar. I said a silent prayer and pleaded to Heavenly Father for a badly needed tender mercy, a break in the gray.

Suddenly, I knew what I needed to do on my end. I had to make a promise. I had to promise to do something, and I knew what that something was. It was already in my mind, as clear as day, so I said it, I made that promise. Then I whispered amen, and tried to focus my positive energy. It's the same set of steps each time I know Someone is about to step in and bend the course of fortune for me.

But I was still nervous. I could feel the delicate threads of fate dancing in the air, brushing against my face like teasing whispers. One prayer, two prayers, three. Please let this go my way. I need something like this. You know how it's been lately. Please.

My hands were fidgeting, which led my nervous fingers to land on one of our account rep's business cards. In that very instant, I knew what I had to do to seal the deal. With the tips of my fingers on the front of the business card, I swept it towards me, turned it over, grabbed one of the free pens spread out on the table, and wrote my promise on the back.

Then I tucked it under my camisole, right above my heart.

Then I prayed again, and waited.

I won.

:::From the Drafts Folder -- Just Believe and Believe:::

2010-10-16T10:00:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure why I never pushed the publish button on this one. It seems to be complete to me.

I wish I could say that I feel this confident and secure today. Things rolled down hill fairly quickly after I wrote this and haven't really picked up yet.

***********************************

Originally written on August 19, 2009

Some quick thoughts that I'm not going to smooth out and make glossy, or entirely readable for that matter.

I ate lunch with my Mormon friend at work today. We have both read (I'm so close to finishing) Sister Oaks's book A Single Voice. It is the very best of books and I encourage you, whatever situation you find yourself in, to read it. It is a book all women should read.

Well, we got to talking about marrying later in life, plus marrying a widower, and I said, "I don't think I could handle being a step mom to grown children who don't really need a mother mother anymore. I don't think I could walk into another woman's family and try to carve out a place for myself." This is something that most single women fear. We don't want to feel like we're sloppy seconds, or the poor man's fill-in-the-blank, or that we have to share a man since we weren't good enough for a husband of our own when all the regular or blessed people were getting married. We're afraid to show up on the other side of the veil and have the first wife look us up and down and say, 'Go back to the little league, sweetheart.'

So that's one of the things that single women worry about when we're worrying about being single.

But then, here's the thing that my friend and I have realized-- As we've started moving towards the end of our 20s, being single doesn't feel that awful anymore. In fact, maybe it isn't awful, just difficult. We've transitioned to this point because now our testimonies are stronger, we have a firmer grasp on the reality of eternal blessings, and we have a better understanding of the purpose of life and Heavenly Father's love for His children. All these things have calmed us down.

Add to that the fact that we've reached a point where we aren't at our first jobs anymore, we're starting to get a small taste of what it's like to be an adult with the salary of a grown-up full-time job, and we see that there are a million great opportunities, expectations, and freedoms that we have because of it.

Anyhow, my friend and I were talking about this unforeseen shift in attitude, and I said, "After a certain point, like, 50, I just don't know if I would see the point in getting married anymore." I didn't say it with bitterness, but in a ruminating sort of, 'why would that option be attractive to me?' sort of way. Think of who I would be by then! Meaning that after I'm out of my childbearing years, and after I've spent so long building and living my own life, and considering that I would be closer to the end of my life than the beginning, would I really want to switch gears so drastically just to become someone's second wife for a few years, then face an unknown set of circumstances in the hereafter?
What my friend said back hit me square in the heart, and I knew that her words were true and that I needed to spend some time thinking about their significance. She said, "True, but you don't know what you'll feel like at 50."

And that is the point. I don't know what I'll feel like at 5o. I had no idea that I would feel the way I feel at 27, no idea at all.

Doctrine and Covenants 98:12 -- For he will give unto the faithful line upon line, precept upon precept; and I will try you and prove you herewith.

This is a beautiful concept. At 27 I know what I need to know. At 50 I will know what 50 requires. Do you see why this is so great? We will always be prepared for what we need to do. The situations that frighten me now won't necessarily frighten me later in life.

This is the meaning behind my friend's words -- any time that we're doing something that God ordains, it will bring us happiness, and anytime we are part of something that God ordains, we can be hugely happy in a way that we can't understand right now. It's like trying to conceptualize heaven. Sometimes I look at beautiful landscapes and wonder how you could possible improve upon what we have here. But as my sister told me once, you just have to believe that the next life is amazingly better, even though we have no way of seeing it now. You just have to believe because it's true, we just don't have the capacity to understand the fullness of it yet.

If you read Sister Oaks's book, you could not deny that the woman is over-the-moon ecstatic about her life. She doesn't feel cheated or sad because of what she missed out on in this blip of mortality because the deepest desires of her heart are wrapped up in her faith in the Savior. She knows that every good thing will come her way at some point in a future that isn't as far away as we imagine it to be.

That's the point. Done and done.

:::Have You Eaten Recently?:::

2010-10-14T22:58:00.000-04:00

Because my family told me that these pictures almost made them vomit. Got the same reaction on Monday when I showed off my cool new bruise to everyone at work.

This is what happens when bags of potatoes are on sale buy one get one free, and so are bags of onions, and you have to carry all four bags home along with a gallon of milk, some canned goods, a blender, and some other things that you need for a small dinner party the next day.

My best guess is that as the bags started slipping off of my right shoulder, the weight of the groceries puuuuulled and stretched one of my veins until....snap.

*Pop*

:::iPods:::

2010-09-28T14:05:00.000-04:00

Can one of you geniuses explain iPods to me?

That wasn't a rhetorical question.

Yes, it's late September of the year 2010, and I'm thinking about getting an iPod. I don't really want to, and I still think they're stupid (on principle), but I need something to keep me entertained while I do my (hypothetical) fitness regime. Staring at myself in the mirror for 30 minutes ain't gonna cut it.

Let's just start with the basics...

My criteria --

1. I want one with those cool screens that you can move around with your finger. Zoom!

2. Storage wise, it has to have enough memory for 1 podcast and 2 songs.

My questions --

1. Do iPods have internet on them? Do I have to pay extra for it? (that'swhathesaid) Can I 'surf the web' on an iPod?

2.Do you get apps on iPods? Do you need the internet to use apps?

3. How do I get my 2 songs off the computer and onto my iPod?

4. Just to reassure me, I don't need a Mac for this, do I?

5. I saw that you can watch videos on some of these bad boys. How does that work? Can I watch videos off of Netflix? Can I only watch videos that I buy from iTunes? Are there any free videos anywhere that I can put on my iPod?

Once again, folks, these questions aren't rhetorical. I am truly am this ignorant, or this awesome, depending on how you look at it.

:::From the Drafts Folder -- The Desires of Our Hearts:::

2010-09-27T22:04:00.002-04:00

"What we insistently desire, over time, is what we will eventually become, and what we will receive in eternity." 

- Elder Neal A. Maxwell

(According to the Desires of Our Hearts) 

:::Potato and Pepper Frittata:::

2010-09-23T15:22:00.000-04:00

Here is the recipe for the first frittata that I ever made. I was a quiche person before this foray, but afterward I became a committed frittata person (I don't like pie crust, I think it's distracting waste of calories and fat in an egg dish). I think I made this four or five times in a row over the next two weeks because I loved it so much.

Even though I discovered this years ago, I'm sharing it with you now because...I don't know. Who cares. It's by Lidia Bastianich. I copied the text below from some random website. You can see an image of the recipe in the cookbook Lidia's Italian-America Kitchen here. I'm unmotivated to type that version out for you, sorry. The only differences are stylistic.

Potato and Pepper Frittata

Frittata di Patate e Peperoni

This simple and satisfying dish, can be made even simpler by using a leftover baked potato instead of boiling a potato as a starting point. A cast iron skillet is perfect for making the frittata, but filled with frittata and right out of the oven it is a hot and heavy handful. Work with two heavy oven mitts or pot holders when lifting the frittata from the oven. And take a tip from restaurant kitchens: leave one of the pot holders or mitts draped over the skillet handle as a sign to all that the handle is very hot.

Makes 6 servings

1 large (about 10 ounces) Idaho potato

3 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil

1 onion, cut into 1/2-inch strips

1 each, red and green bell pepper, cored seeded and cut into 1/4-inch slices

Salt

Freshly ground black pepper

12 eggs

1/3 cup heavy cream

1 1/3 cups cubed (1-inch) day old bread

1 tablespoon unsalted butter

Place the potato in a medium saucepan and pour in enough cold water to cover by at least 4 inches. Bring to a boil and boil until the potato is tender, about 25 minutes. Remove and let stand until cool enough to handle. Peel the potato and cut into 1/2-inch slices.

Heat 2 tablespoons of the olive oil in a 10-inch cast-iron or non-stick ovenproof skillet over medium heat. Add the onions and cook until wilted, about 4 minutes. Add the peppers and cook until and crisp-tender, about 5 minutes. Season well with salt and pepper. Remove from the heat, add the sliced potato to the skillet and set aside to cool.

Preheat the oven to 350° F. Beat the eggs, heavy cream and salt and pepper to taste in a large bowl. Add the bread cubes and let soak until softened, about 15 minutes. Fold in the vegetable mixture.

Wipe out the skillet and place it over medium heat. Add the butter and remaining 1 tablespoon oil to the skillet and heat until the butter is foaming. Add the egg mixture to the pan and cook, without stirring, just until the bottom is lightly browned, about 5 minutes. There should be a few bubbles at a time around the edges- any more than that means the frittata is cooking too quickly and the bottom will be too brown. In that case, remove the skillet from the heat, reduce the heat and let the skillet sit a minute or two before returning it to the heat.

Transfer the frittata to the oven and cook just until the center is set – firm to the touch – about 25 minutes. If the edges are set and beginning to brown before the center is set, remove the frittata from the pan and finish the frittata under a preheated broiler.

If you’d like to serve the frittata hot, let it stand at room temperature about 15 minutes; if you prefer it warm or at room temperature, let it stand longer. Shake the pan gently to free the bottom of the frittata.

Either serve the frittata directly from the pan, or invert it onto a serving platter as follows: Hold a plate larger than the width of the skillet upside down over the frittata. Working with oven mitts or a dry cloth, firmly clamp the plate and skillet together and invert them in one quick motion. Slowly lift the skillet from the plate.

:::from the drafts folder -- goodbye mums (semi-finished):::

2010-09-21T20:03:00.000-04:00

While I was messing with my blog today, I realized that I have a lot of drafts in the bullpen that I never posted. Hmm. Let's clear some of these out over the next few weeks.

First up, ':::goodbye mums:::' back from July 3, 2009, when I was still lower-casing. I never fully finished this post, but I think it stands up enough as it is, so, here you go.

****************************************************

my mom and i had a great time during her visit. since we have very similar personalities, our time together is always calm and relaxed and we just sort of do whatever. it's always important for me that the focus is on what she wants to do, since she spent most of our family vacations doing things that would keep us interested.

this trip was the first time that i had the power of the purse during one of her visits. it felt good to finally be at a place where i can viably handle the fun extravagances of a vacation. what a confidence boost it was to show one of my parents that even though i am still dumb with money, i still had enough to treat them to things. that confidence has been a shot in the arm and has led me to greater appreciation for my ability to work and provide for myself.

she now understands why taxis are a necessity on some days. she saw how much i walk and how wearisome commuting by foot, then train or maybe bus can be on a regular basis, especially when i'm dealing with any kind of weather and/or i have to carry things home. while i do have a weakness for cabs, some days i'm at a point mentally or physically where i can not handle trudging myself home.

i took her to work and she was able to see where i sit and meet all of my coworkers. i like it when my friends and family see my living and work situations for themselves. it makes me feel safer that they have a physical reference for the places where i spend all of my time.

since she stayed with me during most of her stay, she was able to spend time in my room and see how i had set things up. i always like showing my mom my domestic situations so that she knows that i do know how to run a household. i guess all daughters want their mothers to know that the womanly arts have been passed down to them, like a legacy of nurturing and home building continues.

{tangent -- when i went down to texas, my mom said one of the reasons she wanted to come was to see me interact with the kids. i thought it was interesting that even though she's seen me interact with a million children throughout her teaching years and my years as a babysitter, she wanted to see me with the kids in our family. i think all mothers want to know that their girls have the nurturing skills to take care of family, and they want to see familial love continue. i thought that was sweet.}

:::But Where is Hobbiton?:::

2010-09-19T16:54:00.009-04:00

Unless you find mildly thunderous music offensive, here's a fun little Sunday video* for you.

*(Damn**, that's two posts in a row that were nothing but videos. Sorry. I spent an hour writing another post, but then erased it because it exhibited a lack of Job-like faith.)

**(My use of the word 'damn', however, was not Sunday appropriate. Sorry.)

:::Metro Song:::

2010-09-16T07:04:00.003-04:00

The guy that did the Arlington Rap just posted a new video about riding our beloved Metro, and it's awesome.

Mom and Auntie, I will post later about the inside jokes so you can laugh as well.

:::I Am Too Excited About My New Air Filter:::

2010-09-14T19:12:00.004-04:00

I beg your pardon, I forgot to introduce you to my newest friend --

My IQAir HealthPro Plus HEPA Air Purifier - HyperHepa Filtration - Air Cleaner with Gas and Odor Filter.

Ha, ha! Yes!

My awesomeness grows.

Luckily, I was reimbursed for this nine...

(teen?)

(ty?)

hu-hundred dollar expense by some health care funds.

I do not have that kind of money.

At. all.

:::Daddy Boy:::

2010-09-11T20:56:00.005-04:00

Whilst talking with my parents one night last week, my dear mama informed me that she and papa were eating pasties for dinner. :( = sad face.

Have you ever had a pasty? They are one of my top five favorite foods. Ever.

There is a shop close to my home in California that makes and sells nothing but pasties, and every once in a while my dad would come home with gigantic, delicious pasties for dinner. Mmm. Pasties. Pastiiiiiiiiiiiiiiies.

So, I told my mom that dad should send me one.

Wuh?

Um, he actually did.

And not just one, but two.

My dad bought two pasties, froze them, wrapped them in his signature foil+plastic bag wrapping, boxed them up with freezer packs, and sent them FedEx overnight all the way across America, from one edge of the country to another, all the way to me.

I called my sentimental father and told him that I hadn't smiled so much in months. I think he thought that I was exaggerating, but I was dead serious. I've been in desperate need of smiles lately. I smiled so enthusiastically that my big, fat cheeks (which love big, fat pasties), hurt. And then I cried hot tears of happiness/sadness right there at my office desk.

I miss California. I miss my mom and dad, my Aunt and Uncle and my cousin TyTy. They think I'm funny, and they make me laugh. They think I'm doing well in life, and that makes me feel like a winner.

I miss knowing that the beach is just 10 minutes away and smelling the salt in the air wherever.

I miss the weather, I miss the sky, I miss the citrus, I miss the houses, I miss my old libraries.

I miss jeans and flip flops always.

I miss Ralph's, and then the ethnic markets.

I miss knowing Bolsa Chica and Edinger and Warner and PCH.

I miss the food... chicken and beans at El Pollo Loco, chicken fajita pitas at Jack in the Box, pickled turnips at Zankou, dim sum in Little Saigon, Mexican by real Mexicans, and on and on and on.

And I did miss pasties, but then my dad sent me two.

One less thing to miss. A little piece of delicious, potato-y home.

Thank you, Daddy Boy. :)

:::Glorious Gloriness:::

2010-09-05T23:01:00.002-04:00

High: 81 degrees
Humidity: 49%

I stood on my balcony in the morning.

I stood on my balcony in the afternoon.

I stood on my balcony in the evening and the night.

Glory, glory hallelujah.

This has been the worst summer ever in DC. We would shatter heat records one week, then shatter them again the next. We've had days of 100 degree weather with humidity in the very high 90s. During one of our worst weeks in July the overnight low was 85 degrees. The low. With temperatures that bad and all the cement to hold the heat in, things just got hotter and hotter as the days went by.

To add insult to injury, I'm constantly sweating. I wipe my face, but then more sweat comes. HELP ME!!!! I hate it-hate it. So much sweat. It's like when you're staying at someone's house and you get out the shower and have to get dressed in the bathroom but it's all steamy and you keep sweating but you have to put your clothes on and then you start feeling claustrophobic...Oh, please let this end!

I miss the dry heat of desserts where the blazing hot temperature magically drops down into pleasant chilliness of night. A few night I slept with my window open hoping to catch an early morning chill, but, again, 85 degree lows. I would be woken up not by a cool breeze, but by stifling heat.

There were days where I came home and cried as I frantically stripped and went to sit on the air conditioning vent. People have really struggled through this summer and no one is sad to see this one end. Good riddance.

It has been just awful, and I want to say to every man, woman, and child who previously walked an un-air-conditioned earth in suits and petticoats and wool undergarments -- may you find a place amongst the highest of the heavenly host. Amen.

And because you made it all the way through this complaining post about the weather, here are two pictures of my bare-bones apartment.

{The head of my bed is now against the air conditioning unit. I can't believe what a difference this has made to my sanity!)

And something else I love.

I can see the National's Stadium from my balcony, which means that after every Friday night home game, I have one of the best seats possible for the fireworks show.

Ooh, la-la!

:::I Moved A Month Ago:::

2010-09-04T10:48:00.005-04:00

At the end of July I moved into a studio apartment here in SW. The whole process was extremely stressful, and continues to be so. Without a car or family who can help me, I've had the character building (ahem) opportunity (ahem) of doing it all by myself. I now know, more than ever before, that there isn't anything that I can't do. Being single you gain this confidence(not the right word) as life progresses, but after having gone through all of this alone, I feel like I've reached a new level of 'I may not want to do hard things alone, but if I have to, I absolutely can.'

{Last thing you pack, first thing you unpack}

I'm working on my resume right now, as getting a better job is the next step in my 'If I Stay In DC' plan, but as soon as I get the motivation to do another arduous task, I want to document each little step that it took -- the good, bad, and ugly -- to move into this apartment. There have been a lot of tears, fears, heartaches, and stresses involved. A few happy moments too.

But, don't cry for me, Argentina. It's just life, you know? Everybody has stuff going on. And, funny thing, this morning I decided to move my bed, and I feel so much happier in this space. Ha! It's the little things, I guess.

:::Summer 2010, Cooking::::

2010-08-28T07:26:00.003-04:00

This summer, I started cooking again for the first time in two years. It's gone in fits and starts, but I (think?) I'm getting the hang of it again.

1. Sauteed zucchini
2. Watermelon
3. Frozen Cinnamon Life with banana (deliciously refreshing)
4. Penne Bolognese
5. Biscuits and Rainier cherries (a summer obsession this year)
6. Egg, tomato, and turkey bacon sandwich
7. Frozen green grapes (frozen black grapes = crazy delicious)
8. Rigatoni with grape tomatoes, spinach, feta, and balsamic vinegar
9. Flat leaf parsley
10. Old school iceberg salad
11. Banana cream pie pancakes
12. Shells Bolognese with tomatoes and Parmesan
13. Ditalini with flat leaf pasta, lemon, and Parmesan
14. Oven made toast (no toaster at the mo)
15. Strawberries
16. Tacos with sharp, white cheddar
17. Homemade beans
18. Lentil and (sweet) potato curry
19. Cherries
20. Tomato and spinach scrambled eggs with olive oil fried rustic bread
21. Sauteed cabbage
22. Tomatoes as grill press
23. Rinsed beans
24. Grating cucumbers for tzatziki
25. Grilled tomato cheese on French bread

:::Summer 2010, Art:::

2010-08-27T17:23:00.006-04:00

The National Gallery really is my favorite museum here. I went two times this summer and loved wandering around. Here were some of my favorites this time around.

1. Lorette with Turbine, Yellow Jacket, Henri Matisse, 1917
2. Odalisque, Auguste Renoir, 1870
3. The Olive Orchard, Vincent Van Gogh, 1889
4. Reading Girl, Magni, 1861
5. Still Life, Pablo Picasso, 1918
6. Some Woman Wailing on Her Kid, Timeless
7. Flowers in a Vase, André Derain, 1932
8. Pandora, Odilon Redon, 1910/1912
9. Agrippina and Germanicus, Rubens, 1614
10. Marigolds and Tangerines, Félix Vallotton, 1924
11. A Companion of Diana, Jean-Louis Lemoyne, 1724
12. Neapolitan Fisherboy, Jean-Baptiste Carpeaux, 1857
13. Madame Camus, Edgar Degas, 1869/1870
14. Mademoiselle Sicot, Auguste Renoir, 1865
15. Landscape Near Paris, Paul Cézanne, 1876
16. Brittany Landscape, Paul Gauguin, 1888

:::Slam Your Body Down and Wind it All Around:::

2010-08-21T09:59:00.006-04:00

I miss the 90s.

:::A Farewell to Squints, And The Doctor:::

2010-08-01T23:39:00.001-04:00

Three weeks after my sister got married, I found myself kneeling on the floor of a Crate & Barrel in Northern Virginia inspecting stacks and stacks of her new dinnerware for imperfections. It was the week after Christmas and the store was a mess. The economy had officially hit rock bottom, and eager shoppers were throwing elbows to take advantage of after-Christmas sales the likes of which the world had never seen the likes of which before.

Elizabeth handed me a box of dishes then pushed her way through the half-crazed mob of suburban shoppers to talk to someone about a pillow that, I think, was missing a sequin. Or to see if she could find an ornament that was sold out online that worked with the color scheme of next year's Christmas tree. Or to find a microplane. I can't remember which it was. Was it all three?

I sat down on the hardwood floor behind one of the busy customer service kiosks and started unwrapping porcelain bowls in a warm-y halo of designer overhead light. I call that rich people lighting. The girls behind the register had been notified of the situation, and I was conveniently camped out in close proximity so they wouldn't (couldn't) forget about me.

I don't like being assertive in stores, but my last sister had just gotten married and I felt that the universe owed us this. Me, my sister, my immediate family, my extended family, and all the generations up and down both sides of our family tree. Amen.

'These need to go back. There's a bubble in the glaze. Can you see it?'

'The edge is slightly warped on this one.'

'This color isn't consistent on this one, and look, this one is basically gray, when you look at it in this (rich people) light. See?'

Thank you!

Thank you!

Thank you!

Then we went to Williams-Sonoma (more rich people lighting), where shoppers were tracking in so much slush from the wintry sidewalks that the manager was spreading rock salt on the floors.

And I couldn't get over how funny it was to find rock salt inside, especially on the fancy hardwoods floors of Williams-Sonoma. My walk over to the display of pricey waffle mixes sounded like, 'Crunch, crunch, crunch.' People were looking over $500 copper pots while standing in cold, brown puddles of slush-y water.

I thought that was so funny, and I still do. Crunch, crunch, crunch.

***

I moved to DC 965 days ago. On the 960th day Elizaben drove out of town to become residents of the poor man's California, where The Doctor will start his new job.

I cried, I can't lie. I've been here for almost three years, and Elizaben has played a decent role in my life during that time. I spent every major holiday with them. They invited me over for Sunday dinners. They took me shopping. Elizabeth brought me medicine and Gatorade on the many and multiple occasions that I got sick. She cleaned the trashcan I threw-up in. Benny Boy answered my various and sundry medical questions. We had conversations about things I don't get to talk to other people about, or things that I don't want to talk to other people about (religion, politics...)

And now, they be gone.

Every time I part with my sister I feel like we haven't said enough. But, I know I'll always feel that way. I think part of that feeling is a yearning for the way things were, but...

Over the past year I've come to realize, though I always knew it, that our childhood is officially over. Over, and carried a long way off on the cool and salty breezes of a thousand summer evenings. We don't live together anymore, everyone has a separate life, and we can't go back.

I think we're all fated to spend the rest of our lives coming to grips with that fact. How can so few years have such a hold on the multitude of years to come? I don't know, but they do. Sometimes I wish I could go back and relive just one of our happy moments together. We used to play Indians in our backyard and make soups out of weeds and twigs and hose water. I wish I could go back to that time for just a moment, before we grew up and grew into our own lives, and stop playing for a second and say, 'I love you. IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou. Loveyouloveyou. I always will. Don't ever forget.'

Don't forget.