:::She Lies:::

This morning I woke up at 5 am for an appointment with that mean chick from The Biggest Loser.


She may say that she has 400 lb people doing jumping jacks, but the last time I tried them I was crippled for a week. Instead, I just give a little extra effort to my arms.

And the bum kicks really hurt too. And it takes me a little longer to hoist myself up from the mat to standing position again. The only popping going on is in my joints.

I will conquer level 1, just you wait and see. This time in 2011, I'll have it beat.

:::Caps Love:::

I'm ready to move on from lower-casing all of my words. At first I loved the way it looked, all flat and free wheeling, etc., but as of today I have a strong desire to return to proper capitalization.


So let it be written, so let it be done.

:::worth fighting for:::

actually, a bucket of vanilla pudding, homemade of course, sounds very good right now.

in my life depression primarily works in three ways. there is the noise that distracts me from the truths that i 'know' and the things that i need to do, the worries that buffer me from happiness, and the distorted perceptions that skew the way that i see reality. when i was younger, ahem, i wished that i wouldn't have to deal with any other difficulties in life since i had the extra burden of dealing with depression.

now that i am older, ahem, what i wish for is the ability to handle the ordinary difficulties of life while minimizing the extraordinary impact of depression. this approach is a great improvement on my previous attitude. now i'm the active and responsible position in my life and not the depression. while depression still really hurts me, i've come to understand that it isn't me, and it isn't the Lord (major breakthrough). in the midst of struggles i try hard to hold onto that knowledge. as opposed to a short time ago, these days i now have quicker turnarounds in my low-to-regular well-being cycles.

it's also helped me to realize that life is very difficult for everyone. everyone wants something that they don't have or wants to progress more than they are progressing, and each year can bring more growing pains and disappointments. i know that this holds true for everyone on some level. my friend heidi also taught me that everyone has something in them that can bloom in the soil they've been planted in no matter who or where they are. she also made me, made me, realize me that the experiences that i'm having are worth having even if i'd rather be doing something else of equal or greater value. that was a huge light bulb moment for me.

as part of my daily scripture study last night, i read only one verse in Alma. only one scripture, but i spent an hour thinking about it, writing about it, and praying about it.

Alma 13: 23 --

And they are made known unto us in plain terms, that we may understand, that we cannot err; and this because of our being wanderers in a strange land; therefore, we are thus highly favored, for we have these glad tidings declared unto us in all parts of our vineyard.

that was exactly what i needed to hear, down to every last concern i had on my mind yesterday.


this is a picture that just makes me happy. it's only one small vignette of many good and beautiful things in a life worth living.

:::this petty pace:::

my life is very lackluster right now. i've got no pep, pizzaz, or kick. there are things to do, things to fill my time, but there's nothing with hot sauce on any of my burners.

ain't nothing to look forward. sure, there are things on the grand scheme of existence (the literal gathering, the rapture, the new jerusalem), but not in the one day from now, one week from now, one month from now sort of way, at least nothing that's pulling on my heart strings and zinging me up.

i've got my head in a bucket of vanilla pudding. blandsville, usa.

:::elf review:::

i've been meaning to post this ever since a few people have asked for my opinion on elf makeup. sorry for the delay! i've had this post partially drafted for quite a long time now.

my original intent in buying so many items was to try out different colors that i wouldn't feel comfortable spending big money on. however, i've been happy enough with the quality that i'd consider going back to e.l.f. for future orders. here's my detailed verdict.

color: almost everything has a shimmer to it, not glitter, but shimmer. the color spectrum they offer spans from youthful pinks and fresh-faced pastels to brownish earth tones and some deeper jewel tones that remind me of the byzantine empire. the whole feel of the line is fresh and sunny, and makes me thing of spending golden summers near the sea or runny through tall grass with ralph lauren models. the colors are clean and true and compliment most skin tones, especially in the lips. for the best color choices check out their custom items for eyes and lips. they are beautiful and some of them go on like an absolute dream.

if you like to paint yourself like a peacock (think MAC counter attendant), i'm not sure if this is the line for you.

lips: they don't have any solid stick lipstick. instead everything is liquid based and comes out of a squirty tube, brush-like pen, or tiny tins that can sit inside palette compacts. as such, you aren't going to get the saturation of color or coverage that traditional lipsticks provide. but if you're someone who enjoys lip glosses i would definitely try them out. all of the products gloss over your lips well, and they come in great colors that i've been wanting to try for a long time.

the custom lips option that i linked to above would be your best bet if you wanted a true lipstick effect.

face: i really like their facial whips. toasted is the best and can be worn on the entire face as coverage. the others should only be worn as highlighter since they are tinted pinkish. i've started wearing the pressed powders recently as the temperature and humidity soars, and i haven't had any problems. i've also used the powdered bronzer this past week and i quite like it.

the allover face sticks work well for blush. i don't think i've ever used and allover product from any other line on my entire face on the same time. don't you think that would be weird? anyhow, i like them.

eyes: i think their eye shadows are good to great. when i finally defected to bobbi brown from MAC it was mostly because i found too many of MAC's eyeshadows to be chalky and dry, and therefore the colors never really showed up on my eyes. there are some dryer eyeshadows in the elf line, but for the most part they go on quite nicely. again, great color choices.


bottom line, i would definitely try the line. my favorites are their lip products when used as glosses, the facial whip in toasted, the eyeshadows in the more mature colors, the blushes in innocence and shy, and the bronzer in luminance.

i just checked their website and all of their mineral makeup is 5 for $5. i would love to try some of it, and it looks like they have some traditional stick lipsticks in that line. if you want to order and get free shipping, combine orders with a friend so you don't have to spend $75 like i did...unless you want 75 makeup items, which i wouldn't judge you for.

:::halfway, 2009:::

Today is the halfway point to the end of the year.

(reflecting)

things are good on my end.

you?

arlington, the rap