Sunday, June 24, 2012

:::In the Mirror, Cows, and Peaches. Still Single.:::

I should blog more often, but sometimes I reread my posts and I really don't like the me that comes through. I think, 'Ooh, I haaaaaaaaaate you. You negative, complaining, weird, person.'

I should write about the things that I love about Texas. I love the little area that I live in, this little pocket that I've tucked myself into. I love the wide open spaces just a short drive down the road, the cows and horses everywhere, the fields that stretch on and on, and the big, big skies.

I love my ward. The people have been so open and friendly. My bishop is great and has been so nice to me. I have a calling now that I enjoy. Just as my annual late-winter malaise was setting in and I was thinking about becoming a sacrament only church attender (I go through this each year), I was called to team-teach the 9-10 year old class in Primary. I like teaching, but my favorite part is when we all come together for sharing time, and even for singing time, which I despised with a passion as a child.

The week that I interviewed for my new job I got my hair cut. The dude took at least 4 inches off. I still haven't recovered from it.

I love how it is light in the morning when I wake up, and light so late in the evening. While I prefer the cold of winter, you can't beat the mood-lifting effect of summer sunshine.

I go to the temple once a week now that I have a car. The Dallas temple has grown on me with it's gray stone and awesome 70s architecture. I wish it weren't in such a busy area, but not all temples can be gloriously set against a beautiful mountain range.

I miss Utah daily, but wonder if I will ever, ever get back. I think I'm going to be here in Dallas for longer than I originally supposed. Or maybe not. Who can say. But I have a feeling this isn't going to be the quick stop-over that I imagined.

I no longer want to live in London. I know. Apparently this is earth shattering news only to myself. My friend Michelle said I'm too free-spirited for London. True. I've always had a secret, secret desire to visit Australia, so that's my sometime-in-the-future-when-I-have-3k-for-airfare dream.

Someone told me about an orchard in East Texas that has amazing peaches, so that's where I'm going this weekend. Ok, they have amazing peaches and peach ice cream. That's really why I'm going. Fruit is for nerdz*. Ice cream forever.

Speaking of food, I made a copycat Chick-Fil-A Nugget recipe today. It wasn't as good as Chick-Fil-A, so there's something to be said for paying for the original. Also, now I have multiple servings of fried chicken bits calling out to me each time I go into the refrigerator. I know cooking at home is more cost effective, but going through the drive-thru and buying one single serving is more health effective. Done in one. No lingering temptations.

Speaking of single servings, my greatest yearning for family is so that I can bake cakes and not be responsible for eating them all on my own. Sigh. I just want to bake cakes! But I know myself too well. Even though I'm not a sugar person, who can resist the call of caaaaaake? I pray for children with highly-tuned metabolisms to enter my life. Amen.

Speaking of being single, I just accepted another calling to be our ward's single adult rep. Oi. The extension of this calling precipitated a late night panicked email to my Bishop, plus a special sit-down with him before church one Sunday. Oi. I really, really didn't want to turn down a calling, so after talking to the Bishop about it I said (through tears), 'Ok, ok...ok, I'll do it. Ok. It should be ok.' Apparently it's for the 30+ group, which we called mid-singles back East. For someone who voluntarily removed herself from the singles scene at 26 and started going to a family ward, being asked to serve in this calling caused a minor crisis. As I told the Bishop, I don't hate being single, I hate having to identify as a single person. What does it matter at this point, you know? I just feel like it's such a young person's issue, which may not make any sense, but I have always looked forward to being old enough to be out of range for the single thing. Just so I could move on, you know? And just be a regular person, regardless of being single or married.

Sigh, bed time.


Sometimes I reread old posts and think, 'Ha, ha. You're funny. I like you.'

*JK, I'm an unrepentant fruit addict. I'm eating a giant bowl of watermelon as I write this. But homemade peach ice cream? Come on! Forget the fruit!

Monday, June 18, 2012


I finally realized what's been stifling me over the past...year?

I feel like an underclassman again. You know how it is. By the time you reach the 8th grade you think you know everything. Good and bad, you've lived through it all. You've got life skills. You know the game. You may not kill it on a daily basis, but at least you know, you know, the stuff you're supposed to know.

Then, boom -- first day of high school. You're a newbie. You know nothing. You didn't realize before how big the game was. It is massive and you know nothing, nothing at all. You're a small fry. Aaand, you have to learn everything all over again.

I hate it. When I look backwards on my twenties, I feel like a war veteran. When I look forward, I feel like it's the first day of kindergarten and I have years and years of, I don't know, stuff to fill in. And no idea how to do it.

The kids came over to swim on Saturday. I thought only Molly was going to be able to come. When all three  jumped out of the car in their swim gear it was the happiest moment of the past month.

As I hastily packed snacks for the pool I was transported back in time to the daily beach trips we took as children. Why does everyday food taste so much better at the beach? I remember chips, fruit, and tuna sandwiches with relish and a little bit of Huntington Beach sand.

We had the pool to ourselves and had so much fun. Then we watched movies and went through two drive-thrus at lunch so everyone would be happy. These are such good kids. Just good, good kids. I like to spoil them because it makes them happy, and it makes me laugh. Ha, ha.

I started a new job last week. I'm back at a law firm because I'm a glutton for punishment. I think anyone who knew me in DC would be shocked. I know I am. But, 30 hit and I felt the need to upgrade my work life. I always said I didn't want to be answering phones by 30, so needs must.

I'm an Office Manager/Paralegal now for a small group that has attorneys scattered across a few states. I'm not sure how this experience will go. My job in DC definitely prepared for this because I ended up taking on so much that was falling through the cracks above my position. In this new position there is also so much to do, but since I'm more or less in charge this time around, once the problems are sorted out it should be smoother sailing. The managing partner is very eager for things to be fixed. Eager can quickly turn into impatient when attorneys are concerned, but this isn't my first rodeo, so I should be ok. If not, I'll get another job. Ha, ha. I've done it before, I can do it again.

Speaking of DC, it's almost been a year since I left. I still don't feel that I actually live here. I keep expecting someone to call me and tell me that it's time to come back home and get back to real life. I don't feel sad about being gone, but I still feel like I'm gone. Like DC is base camp and this is something funny I'm doing in Texas. We shall see. As I said, I know nothing of life at this point. I am as a child.