Monday, June 18, 2012


I finally realized what's been stifling me over the past...year?

I feel like an underclassman again. You know how it is. By the time you reach the 8th grade you think you know everything. Good and bad, you've lived through it all. You've got life skills. You know the game. You may not kill it on a daily basis, but at least you know, you know, the stuff you're supposed to know.

Then, boom -- first day of high school. You're a newbie. You know nothing. You didn't realize before how big the game was. It is massive and you know nothing, nothing at all. You're a small fry. Aaand, you have to learn everything all over again.

I hate it. When I look backwards on my twenties, I feel like a war veteran. When I look forward, I feel like it's the first day of kindergarten and I have years and years of, I don't know, stuff to fill in. And no idea how to do it.

The kids came over to swim on Saturday. I thought only Molly was going to be able to come. When all three  jumped out of the car in their swim gear it was the happiest moment of the past month.

As I hastily packed snacks for the pool I was transported back in time to the daily beach trips we took as children. Why does everyday food taste so much better at the beach? I remember chips, fruit, and tuna sandwiches with relish and a little bit of Huntington Beach sand.

We had the pool to ourselves and had so much fun. Then we watched movies and went through two drive-thrus at lunch so everyone would be happy. These are such good kids. Just good, good kids. I like to spoil them because it makes them happy, and it makes me laugh. Ha, ha.

I started a new job last week. I'm back at a law firm because I'm a glutton for punishment. I think anyone who knew me in DC would be shocked. I know I am. But, 30 hit and I felt the need to upgrade my work life. I always said I didn't want to be answering phones by 30, so needs must.

I'm an Office Manager/Paralegal now for a small group that has attorneys scattered across a few states. I'm not sure how this experience will go. My job in DC definitely prepared for this because I ended up taking on so much that was falling through the cracks above my position. In this new position there is also so much to do, but since I'm more or less in charge this time around, once the problems are sorted out it should be smoother sailing. The managing partner is very eager for things to be fixed. Eager can quickly turn into impatient when attorneys are concerned, but this isn't my first rodeo, so I should be ok. If not, I'll get another job. Ha, ha. I've done it before, I can do it again.

Speaking of DC, it's almost been a year since I left. I still don't feel that I actually live here. I keep expecting someone to call me and tell me that it's time to come back home and get back to real life. I don't feel sad about being gone, but I still feel like I'm gone. Like DC is base camp and this is something funny I'm doing in Texas. We shall see. As I said, I know nothing of life at this point. I am as a child.


Jill said...

Congratulations on the new job and the confidence you've got going with it!

Where is the beautiful pool? Where are you living? I feel like you moved and then dropped out of the blogging world completely...I need details woman!

scrambled brains said...

Heck to the yes! A new post--just like Christmas, I tell you! I totally get that "feeling-like-you don't-know-what-you're-doing" thang. That's how I feel about teaching. But a wise friend told me to always "fake it till you make it" and you know what, it totally works! Soon you'll be on top of your game again. THANK you for posting, my friend. And I love your guts and the rest of you too.

MBC said...

Good to hear from you, Friend. Love the Rebekah posts.

Sheans said...

Hey! Congrats on the new job. Hope it's going well! Sometime when you are bored, give me a ring.

MaurLo said...

I finally found that darn paper I wrote you blog address that I could follow you...a year ago...

We do miss you in DC. I have been meaning to tell you that for a year... blast! On Conference Sunday I was playing in the nursery with my littles and I asked Ellen if she remembered being in nursery. She answered "I remember being with Sister Rebekah, rememmber her?". I am going to have to catch up on all your posts. Love, MaurLo