:::A Series of 'Are You Kidding Me?' Events:::

1. Today at work I realized that I still hadn't returned some books that we didn't need to the publisher. West has a 45 day return policy, and the 45th day was on Saturday. Fun times. I got to spend my lunch hour strongly discussing the situation with a customer support rep. Living here has made me much more assertive. Also, my behind was on the line.

Once the situation was finally resolved, I spent the rest of the hour packaging the books and putting together a FedEx pickup because I had to get everything back to them within 10 days or we wouldn't be credited. Blurg. Double blurg. I couldn't risk messing with the USPS. I wonder how much that shipment is going to cost us.


2. There were too many people on the platform tonight for the first train that I take, so I couldn't make it into any of the cars. Thankfully, I got on to the second train that came.

When I got to my transfer station, the board said that the next three trains coming were all for my line. At some point, however, those trains magically changed color into the other line. All three of them. Seriously?

I decided to take the train in the opposite direction because I had a wait ahead of me and there were no free benches on the platform. Plus, there's a better chance of getting a seat if I take the train to the next stop up the line, then catch my train down from there.


3. The escalator at my home station was out of order. I had to w-a-l-k up the equivalent of like five flights of stairs at a steady clip without stopping. My legs were jelly by the end and I almost collapsed three steps before the top. Seriously? Breathing wasn't too much of an issue, thank goodness.


4. When I was right outside the gate to my complex I realized that I had left my keys at the office. NO!!! My worst fear realized. I was able to sneak through the gate with a group of people, then follow them into the building. We have electronic cards that we have to swipe at both points.

Once inside I ran over to the office, but it looked like no one was there. When I finally saw someone, I tapped on the glass and made a key turning motion. The lady shook her head no. BLURG! They have a policy that they don't do after hours lockouts, but it was like 3 minute 'til! I stood there stunned, then started rifling through my bag again to double check that my keys weren't there.

She eventually came back and mouthed for me to go stand by the maintenance office. When she opened the door she agreed to give me a key so I could go unlock my apartment, saving me an expensive call to a locksmith, or a panicked call to a friend for a couch to crash on. This is why I'm always soooooo nice to landlords.

I ran upstairs, unlocked my door, grabbed some tape and covered the lock catch (learned that at BYU), triple checked to make sure that all my locks were unlocked, then ran back downstairs and turned the key in.

I would have gone back to the office to get my keys, but the electronic key that I need to get into the building, make the elevator work, and get past the security door upstairs is, you guessed it, on my key ring, which is on my desk.



I'm hoooome now, sitting on my couch, eating eggs and potatoes. What a weird day. I was in a rare, 'It is what it is, just roll with it,' mood throughout all the transportation and key issues. I credit this to my new iPod and the three relaxation CDs that I loaded onto it this morning. Ah...goodbye commuting stress and chest pains.

:::I Moved A Month Ago:::

At the end of July I moved into a studio apartment here in SW. The whole process was extremely stressful, and continues to be so. Without a car or family who can help me, I've had the character building (ahem) opportunity (ahem) of doing it all by myself. I now know, more than ever before, that there isn't anything that I can't do. Being single you gain this confidence(not the right word) as life progresses, but after having gone through all of this alone, I feel like I've reached a new level of 'I may not want to do hard things alone, but if I have to, I absolutely can.'

{Last thing you pack, first thing you unpack}

I'm working on my resume right now, as getting a better job is the next step in my 'If I Stay In DC' plan, but as soon as I get the motivation to do another arduous task, I want to document each little step that it took -- the good, bad, and ugly -- to move into this apartment. There have been a lot of tears, fears, heartaches, and stresses involved. A few happy moments too.

But, don't cry for me, Argentina. It's just life, you know? Everybody has stuff going on. And, funny thing, this morning I decided to move my bed, and I feel so much happier in this space. Ha! It's the little things, I guess.

:::So Here's the Deal With November:::

Stick with me, you're patience in this will be rewarded...

I've been thinking about getting an MLS for years

Since I was at BYU

...
...
...

Years pass

...
...
...

I get my current job working in a law library

After my first year, I start making plans to apply to grad school

I join professional organizations and attend conferences and meetings

I sign up for the mentoring program

I go to socials (painful)

I chime in on conversations on my library listserv

I'm really liking this librarian thing!

I pick an MLS program

I start my online application

I ask two people at work to write my letters of recommendation

One of them submits her letter

...
...
...

I can't bring myself to write my application essays

I realize that while I find library work/information systems fascinating, it's not a field that I want to build a career in

I realize that I do not want to work in an office anymore

Or sit in front of a computer my entire life

But I do like environments centered on information and knowledge

I like learning environments

And interacting with people in learning environments

Especially children in learning environments

And not working at a computer

I think back to all of those education classes that I took at UVS- er, UVU after BYU.

Hmm...

I realize, for the millionth time, that secondary ed wasn't right for me

the clouds part

...elementary ed?

I start looking at certification options

I find a grad program

Through USC

Yeah, USC

That I can do here in DC

So I can keep my job ($$)

And stay in my ward

And not move to LA (boo)

So I pray, 'Is this right?'

And the answer comes, 'Apply!'

So I start my application

I am excited!!!

I research the program

I talk to admissions counselors

The early application deadline is in, like, four weeks

Yikes, but I'm so excited!!!

I begin my application

I ask two people to write recommendation letters

I hustle, hustle, hustle

I write my essays

I take days off of work to finish all of my essays

I recruit all of my family to pray for me

I put the lean on the generous souls who are writing my recommendations

One of these souls turns her letter in on time

I turn in my application on time

I put the lean even harder on my third recommender

And more leaning

And more leaning

And more leaning

Are you stinking kidding me?! This is important!

Mooooore leeeeeaniiiiiiing...

I call my admissions counselor

She tells me to recruit a third person to write a recommendation for me

{{{sonofapanicattackanxioutystress}}}

I scramble and find another generous soul to write me a recommendation

That night

Because they want it the next day

As in less than a 24 hour turn around

I talk to my mom, she talks to her friend, I talk to her friend

And back and forth and back and forth

She submits her letter

May her name be forever blessed

My application is finally complete

It's nearly the end of November

I wait to hear back

...
...
...

And wait

...
...
...

I hear something back

I didn't take any math courses in college

You need some math courses in your background to qualify for a multiple subject credential

Have I taken any math classes that just aren't listed?

Any?

What about high school?

Yes, I took math in high school

But doesn't 2 1/2 years of Italian count?

The Lord's university thinks so

USC does not think so

Sigh...

I wait...

And wait...

...
...
...

WWWW

aaaa

iii

ttt

...

And as I wait I realize that I really, really don't want to live in DC anymore

Or the East Coast

Man, I want to get out of here

Man, I don't want to pay USC tuition (40k!)

Man, I don't want to start an intensive Master's program if I'm going to be moving soon

...
...
...

I don't think I want to do this USC thing after all

It's soo much money

...
...
...

I hear from the program

I got in

I got into USC

I can be a Trojan

Wow

My counselor calls me to clarify

My admission is conditional because of the math thing

If I keep my grades above a B during the first semester, I'm in for reals

??

Hmm...

My mom taught for 20+ years without a credential

She was the best teacher -- according to students, teachers, administrators, and parents -- that the school ever saw

I just want to teach

I don't need a fancy degree

There's got to be an easier way

An easier way that isn't going to cost me $40k upfront

And $35k in interest

$40k in tuition...

$37k in interest...

To teach

Kindergarten

...

I can't do this

I get my acceptance letter in the mail

I admire it

I pray

I say, 'Hey, what's up? I thought this was a green light.'

...
...
...

I know I can't do this

I tell USC, USC, 'thanks, but no thanks'

That's November

Then comes December

In the beginning of the month I pass my two year mark in DC

I think to myself, 'What am I doing with my life?'

I...

become...

very...

depressed...

Why did I have to go through all the work of applying for that program if I wasn't supposed to enroll in that program?

Why did I have to bother all of those people to write recommendation letters for me if I wasn't going to enroll in that program?

Why did I have to go through all. of. that. stress.?

And now, the embarrassment of telling everyone who knew I was applying that I changed my mind

Why?

{{{;(}}}

...
...
...

Depressed

...
...
...

I decide to move

I'm done living here

I'm done with this job

And I'm done with trying to become a teacher

...
...
...

December ends

It's 2010

My friend LP leaves the firm to finish her Master's

She helped me get my job

She was my sister's roommate for years

She was my friend

It's weird now that she's gone

I just want to leave

My job, this place

To leave, to leave, to leave

I want to leave

I just want to move to Texas

Right now

I know it's the right thing to do

...
...
...

My wounded pride about the teaching thing heals

I start looking at alternative teaching programs in Texas

I find a lot of good options

I apply to one

I send my transcripts

We'll see if they have anything to say about the math issue

If they do, I'll take a math class

No biggie

It'll be ok

...

I start planning my move

I start feeling really lonely and really sad because I want to be there instead of here

I just want to move to Texas

And be there with my family

And also Bruno

And the wide aisles of Wal-mart

And Super Target

And Taco Bells every mile or so

And decent Mexican food

And open space

And nukular families
...
...
...

So now I'm just waiting for the right time to leave

And to save enough money for a car

And gas money to get there

And to cover my bills until I can find some kind of job

Elizaben is moving in July

I will be gone before then

Hopefully long before then...

But at the right time...

My Patience in This Will Be Rewarded...

:::Day 27 -- Friday?:::

Almost, almost, almost...

I'm struggling to organize and efficiently manage my life right now. I'm just finding it difficult to put everything in its place and process the regular demands of life that are coming my way. To add to that, I don't feel fully engaged in the things that I'm doing, and I feel completely passive towards the goals I would like to accomplish. Each day I watch bad habits or those frustrating sins of omission pile on top of each other and pin me down. Heaven help me. Have you ever been able to break a cycle?

My goals for this weekend are:

1. Fold laundry
2. Do more laundry?
3. Turn calendar page to August and fill out commitments
4. Budget, with real figures, into October
5. Finish work area cleanup
6. Restart meaningful scripture study

I wish I would buzz ahead to next year. Then at least the same-old-same-old would look somewhat new to me!

:::to the ether, january 7, 2009:::

if i were in utah, it would be a cafe rio day. the kind of day where i get a pork salad on my way home from work (black beans, everything, creamy tomatillo) and eat the whole thing in one sitting.

i hereby send all of my problems out to the ether.

ether, do with them what you will.



1. my valentine's cards are going to look better than my Easter cards. my Easter cards are actually going to be a little shotty. don't think me sacrilegious.

2. last night i downloaded special fonts for my valentine's card and spent a few hours designing the cards. i then sent the file to my work email so i could test printing them on the color copier, only to realize today that since the fonts aren't downloaded on my work computer, the special fonts have been converted to times new roman...which means i can't print them out at kinko's either...

3. my sister gave me here old printer. the dvd/cd reader on my laptop hasn't been working lately, so i don't think i can download the printer software...which means i won't be able to print out what i need to for my valentine's day cards.

upside: my valentine's cards won't trump my Easter cards because there will be no valentine's cards.

downside: useless computer, no printer, all that work for nothing.

4. certain particulars of my work situation continue to be a wonderfully faith promoting experience. as of today i still believe that the Lord will never try us more than we can handle...but there are two more days left in this week, and a lot can happen in two days.

i've noticed a trend: oft times, when a single woman expresses her frustrations about anything in her life, married women will tell her that whatever trial she's going through will prepare her for marriage.

here's what i say to that -- if that advice applies to my work related stress, i don't want to get married. send my husband to someone else, assign my kids to another spirit (just make sure she'll introduce them to hobbits. please, don't deny them that, Lord). if this is what marriage and family are like, boy howdy. i'll take my loneliness and my single-income-all-to-myself, move to the south of france, and worry later about explaining myself at the judgment bar. so help me, i will...


5. you may lose a million pounds, but you may also never eat anything that tastes good ever again. how do you maintain your weight when there are over 1,000 calories in a Chipotle burrito? if you can't put cheese on things that nature fully intended there to be cheese on?

is worth it? i'm not sure, i'm not so sure...i think i'd rather eat sauces then see life beyond 70.

sorry, sophie.

sorry, buddy.

sorry, molls.


mom, you'll probably be dead by then, so...