:::Lucky to Find Work So Quickly:::

I'm just going to go ahead and document this now instead of worrying about writing a big, grand post about it later. I'm channeling the words of motivation from blogging friend Jill, whom I actually met in the real lifes when I was in Utah (post forthcoming). I just need to blog sometimes.

Today I started a temp-to-perm type job with a technology-ish company in Plano. I interviewed on Friday, and the offer came through on Monday. As part of the selection process I had to take all of these assessment tests over the weekend. They questioned my numerical skills, as well as my knowledge of OPEC and John Milton. What that was about, I don't know. I do know that I got most of the questions right, however, because general, useless knowledge is what I specialize in.

The commute isn't too bad. Right now I'm carpooling with Big Don in the morning, and driving home by myself. My sister picks him up at the train station later at night. The pay is ok, $5 less an hour than what I was making in DC, so that's a bit of a problem. I'm just doing admin stuff in the sales department, which is a completely different vibe than the law office scene. It's good and different, but a little disorientating.

The people are really nice, and I know I can do the job. It's not going to be mentally stimulating or feed any creative energies, but it's work, and it's work that I know I can do, so that's something to be happy about.

Technically, I'm on a 60 (or is it 90?) day probation until they decide if they want to hire me full-time.

If someone asked me what my plans were for Texas, I would shrug my shoulders and say, 'Don't know.' I know that in a weird way, that's The Plan for right now -- 'Don't know.' We'll see what comes of it.

:::Doubt Enters In:::

Last night I cried for the first time about leaving DC.

My sister told me that they read out my name in her Texas ward yesterday at church. I quickly logged on to lds.org and found that it was true -- my records had left the Capitol Hill Ward.

I cried. I'm crying now.

I want to go back. This limbo state is killing me.

:::Completely Unexpected:::

It's time for me to leave California. Sweet Annette is up and about and no longer needs me to follow behind her reminding her to use her walker.

While it's time for me to leave California, it's not yet time for me to head to Dallas.

So, what's a girl to do?

Go to Utah., that's what.

I'll be flying into the Beehive State this Thursday, and will be leaving...? I'll probably only stay for 10 or so days. Who knows.

I'm as shocked as you may possibly be.

I'm also super, super sad, because nothing breaks my heart like leaving Sweet Annette.

:::I'm Moving:::

I'm moving. I've been waiting to write a big, introspective post about it, but, nope, not feeling it. Friday is my last day at work. I fly out to California on the 19th. I'll stay there for a couple of weeks, then I'll move to Dallas. I don't have a ticket for that yet, so I don't have a date. 

Etsy

I am so stressed. I always thought my last weeks at work would be a riot, buuuut my boss was fired the day I gave notice, so I've been covering both of our jobs and trying to unravel the hot, holy mess that she left behind. Tomorrow a temp is coming to shadow me for two days. Fun. Just how I wanted to spend my last days in the office.

Salvation Army came to my apartment two different times to cart my stuff away. My boxes are packed, and my clothes are in suitcases. I've been trying to cram in every conceivable medical appointment into the past three weeks to use up my reimbursement account. I feel like I'm treading water at work, things are such a mess.

Oh, it will end eventually.

:::I Wish I Knew:::

When do you know you've failed at life?

When you're flying down a Texas highway with your head out of the window, vomiting, gagging, mumbling, 'I'm a winner, I'm a winner, I'm a winner...' over and over again, trying to psych yourself up for a flight that you've canceled, rescheduled, canceled and rescheduled again?

That was last year.

Spending all night in the bathroom vomiting so loudly that it wakes up your nephew?

That was the year before.

Seems like I always have a breakdown when I go to Texas.


When you're wandering around your apartment in the early morning hours with barely enough strength to stay upright, but a churning stomach that keeps you from lying down?

When you go into the red with sick time and look ahead and worry what you're going to do when you get sick again?

That was this morning.

And a couple months ago, and a couple months before that, and on and on.

When none of the steps you take to improve your situation pan out? When you make hard decisions but nothing happens?


I fail at life. I'm tired of going through the difficulties of life, of depression, alone. The never ending beating that happens. I wish I had a life coach that I could take out of my hall closet when I needed help, encouragement, a sanity check. I really don't feel equipped to continue any further. These past two years have been such a strain. Maybe I'm not who I think I am, maybe my goals have all been wrong. Maybe I have no idea what's going on around me. I know I don't understand, and I've prayed for understanding, but my ears must be filled with cotton.

I am at a loss, a complete and total loss. I can't make heads or tails of life, of my life. I've tried so very hard over these years to do the right thing at every juncture.

:::Weekly Goals -- It's Always Dusty:::

This week my goals are to:

1. Sort out my entryway
2. Felt a birthday present for a coworker
3. Dust
4. Clear off my dining room table
5. Finish my book

I'm rolling with these goals, not beating myself up if I don't knock all of the items off my list. As you can see, these aren't essentials, so no harm, no foul.


In other news, we're supposed to have a big storm tonight, which means it's not going to snow at all. Who would have thought that the South would get more snow than we would? I don't understand how these storms hit the South, skip us, then swing up the coast. Oh well. Fingers crossed!

:::Alarming:::

I know most people my age are still out in da club at 1:30 in the morning, but I was sound asleep. Waking up to the screeching noise of my building's fire alarm was fairly confusing to my mottled brain. It took me a looong time to get in response mode this time around (fire alarms are a fairly, but not too regular occurrence), and then it took me an added 6 or 7 minutes to get dressed because I had to find and put on scarf, gloves, thick socks, snow boots, coat, and hat on top of my regular clothes. It's been pretty cold here lately, and I didn't know if or how long we'd have to stand outside. Then I had to find my cell phone, keys, and wallet, then I worried about having cash for a cab ride to Arlington* (and getting a cab in the middle of the night) just in case I had to stay in a hotel overnight...did you know that I overreact to emergency situations?

Of course, by the time I was all bundled up the alarm stopped, which is good because I was sure that if there had been major flames, a jump off my balcony would be my only escape option left by the time I was ready to go. The firemen still had to come though. Bless their hearts.

And my neighbor's dog barked for the rest of the morning, so I had to put in ear plugs. But that is another story in and of itself, which I will tell you later.

*There are a plethora of Marriott and Hilton type hotels concentrated along the same street in Crystal City, and a metro station very nearby. If push came to shove, I could walk from hotel to hotel to find a room if I had to.

:::Cooking Apps:::

Man, I am loving this iPod. I've downloaded just a few apps, my two favorite so far being Martha Stewart's Everyday Food, and Mark Bittman's How to Cook Everything. Last night I stopped by Safeway after I got off the metro, connected to their wi-fi network*, and found a simple, quick, and delicious pasta recipe from Martha.

Spaghettini with Lemon Zest and Chives

Serves 4

• 1 pound spaghettini, or thin spaghetti (I used linguine and it worked very well. In fact, I think it worked better than thin spaghetti would.)
• Zest and juice of 1 lemon
• 1 stick butter, cut into small pieces
• 1 cup ricotta salata cheese, or Parmesan, coarsely grated
• 2 tablespoons fresh chives, or scallion greens, thinly chopped
• Salt and pepper
• My sinful addition -- 1 egg to add to lemon sauce

Directions

1. In a large pot of boiling salted water, cook 1 pound of spaghettini, or thin spaghetti, until al dente according to package instructions.
2. Grate the zest of 1 lemon into a large pasta bowl. Juice the lemon, and add juice to the bowl. Stir in 1 stick butter, cut into small pieces, and 1 cup coarsely grated ricotta salata cheese or Parmesan.

• 2a. If you decide to add the egg, first scramble it in a separate bowl, then temper it with a ladle or two of the boiling pasta water. Then, add to lemon sauce. When the hot pasta is poured on top of the sauce, it will finish cooking egg.

3. Add drained pasta to lemon sauce, and sprinkle in 2 tablespoons thinly chopped fresh chives or scallion greens. Season with salt and pepper. Toss well, and serve.

I ate some of the leftovers today for lunch with the addition of some grilled chicken and a couple tomatoes. Reheat the pasta in a pan over low heat, then toss in the chicken and diced tomatoes. Yum.



This evening I made the most delicious Chocolate-Chocolate Chip Pancakes based on a variation of Mark Bittman's Basic Pancake recipe.

Basic Pancakes


Think of this as a nice, old fashioned pancake recipe that your grandma would have kept tucked in her recipe box on a faded index card.These pancakes weren't too light or too heavy, and cooked beautifully. I hate pancakes that are too light and foamy, but the hockey puck type aren't preferable either. This is my new go-to recipe.

Serves 4

• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 Tbsp. baking powder
• ½ tsp. salt
• 1 Tbsp. sugar
• 1 or 2 eggs
• 1½ to 2 cups milk
• 2 Tbsp. melted and cooled butter (optional), plus unmelted butter for cooking, or use oil
• 1 tsp. vanilla (optional)

For Chocolate-Chocolate Chip variation add the following to the dry mixture --

• 1/4 cup cocoa
• 1 handful of chocolate chips

1. Preheat a griddle or large skillet over medium-low heat while you make the batter.

2. Mix together the dry ingredients. Beat the egg(s) into 1½ cups of milk, then stir in the 2 tablespoons melted cooled butter and vanilla (if you are using them). Gently stir this into the dry ingredients, mixing only enough to moisten the flour; don’t worry about a few lumps. If the batter seems thick, add a little more milk.

3. If your skillet or griddle is nonstick, you can cook the pancakes without any butter. Otherwise, use a teaspoon or two of butter or oil each time you add batter. When the butter foam subsides or the oil shimmers, ladle batter onto the griddle or skillet, making any size pancakes you like. Adjust the heat as necessary; usually, the first batch will require higher heat than subsequent batches. The idea is to brown the bottom in 2 to 4 minutes, without burning it. Flip when the pancakes are cooked on the bottom; they won’t hold together well until they’re ready.

4. Cook until the second side is lightly browned and serve, or hold on an ovenproof plate in a 200-degrees oven for up to 15 minutes.



 My favorite thing about having these recipe apps is that it will help me avoid wandering around the market trying to figure out what I could possibly make for dinner. The funny thing is that last week I thought that I should print out a few go-to recipes to keep in my wallet, but now that I have my iPod I have a variety of recipes at my disposal!

I've heard good things about Epicurious's app, so I'll be sure to check that out soon.

Hope your weekend is going well.


*Martha's Everyday Food app requires internet access to run. I don't think Mark Bittman's app does, which is awesome.

:::I Moved A Month Ago:::

At the end of July I moved into a studio apartment here in SW. The whole process was extremely stressful, and continues to be so. Without a car or family who can help me, I've had the character building (ahem) opportunity (ahem) of doing it all by myself. I now know, more than ever before, that there isn't anything that I can't do. Being single you gain this confidence(not the right word) as life progresses, but after having gone through all of this alone, I feel like I've reached a new level of 'I may not want to do hard things alone, but if I have to, I absolutely can.'

{Last thing you pack, first thing you unpack}

I'm working on my resume right now, as getting a better job is the next step in my 'If I Stay In DC' plan, but as soon as I get the motivation to do another arduous task, I want to document each little step that it took -- the good, bad, and ugly -- to move into this apartment. There have been a lot of tears, fears, heartaches, and stresses involved. A few happy moments too.

But, don't cry for me, Argentina. It's just life, you know? Everybody has stuff going on. And, funny thing, this morning I decided to move my bed, and I feel so much happier in this space. Ha! It's the little things, I guess.

:::Dammit! I Want To Move To Texas!!!:::

I want to move to Texas, but I have no idea how I'm going to make it work.

I would have to:

1. Buy a car (which I really don't want to do)
2. Scrounge together a down payment for a car (Grrr...)
3. Start paying for car insurance (*#%@$!!!)
4. Get rid of half of my crap (I'm actually looking forward to this)
5. Drive to Texas (fun)
6. Pay for motels, gas and food between here and Texas (Not fun! &@*$#!!!)
7. Save enough money to cover bills until I get some kind of job


If I stay, I need to:

1. Find a place to live for the end of August (In an area where I won't get shot/harassed/assaulted)
2. If I get my own place, I kind of need a new job so that I won't be so strapped every month
3. So, I need to get a new job (Yeah, that's not stressful)
4. Pay tons of money for a security deposit
5. Pay tons of money for first month's rent, and every month thereafter
6. Somehow pay to buy bare bones furnishings for an empty apartment
7. Put off my goals for another 2-3 years...

Or, hey, I could just move into a run-of-the-mill shared apartment with other Mormon girls (and want to die every day).


The difficulty is that each option is going to cost inordinate amounts of money.

Honestly, I just don't want to stay. I certainly won't be sad if I have to. I like DC, I have friends here, I love my ward (hopefully I can stay in my ward), and there are a lot of opportunities here. But I still want to move to Texas at some point.

However, if I had to stay, saving more money for a move at a later date wouldn't really be a possibility because I'll be on such a tight budget until I make a big career step to a higher salary level (P.S. -- That's not going to happen anytime soon).



I've been fasting and praying since December, I've been researching like a fiend, I've looked at apartments here, I've talked with my Bishop, I've received blessings, I've asked everyone I know for advice, sigh...I'm at a loss. Never in my life have I not had some idea of what my next step in life would be. This time, I've got absolutely nothing. Niente.

???


??


???


?


????













?

:::Let It Be Known -- I Moved:::

Last weekend I moved off the Hill and moved in with my RS Prez down in the Waterfront area of DC.
Life is pretty sweet down here.


The only catch is that her regular roommate is coming back on August 30th. So, gots to make a plan for the end of summer, cuz I'm about to be without home...

:::So Here's the Deal With November:::

Stick with me, you're patience in this will be rewarded...

I've been thinking about getting an MLS for years

Since I was at BYU

...
...
...

Years pass

...
...
...

I get my current job working in a law library

After my first year, I start making plans to apply to grad school

I join professional organizations and attend conferences and meetings

I sign up for the mentoring program

I go to socials (painful)

I chime in on conversations on my library listserv

I'm really liking this librarian thing!

I pick an MLS program

I start my online application

I ask two people at work to write my letters of recommendation

One of them submits her letter

...
...
...

I can't bring myself to write my application essays

I realize that while I find library work/information systems fascinating, it's not a field that I want to build a career in

I realize that I do not want to work in an office anymore

Or sit in front of a computer my entire life

But I do like environments centered on information and knowledge

I like learning environments

And interacting with people in learning environments

Especially children in learning environments

And not working at a computer

I think back to all of those education classes that I took at UVS- er, UVU after BYU.

Hmm...

I realize, for the millionth time, that secondary ed wasn't right for me

the clouds part

...elementary ed?

I start looking at certification options

I find a grad program

Through USC

Yeah, USC

That I can do here in DC

So I can keep my job ($$)

And stay in my ward

And not move to LA (boo)

So I pray, 'Is this right?'

And the answer comes, 'Apply!'

So I start my application

I am excited!!!

I research the program

I talk to admissions counselors

The early application deadline is in, like, four weeks

Yikes, but I'm so excited!!!

I begin my application

I ask two people to write recommendation letters

I hustle, hustle, hustle

I write my essays

I take days off of work to finish all of my essays

I recruit all of my family to pray for me

I put the lean on the generous souls who are writing my recommendations

One of these souls turns her letter in on time

I turn in my application on time

I put the lean even harder on my third recommender

And more leaning

And more leaning

And more leaning

Are you stinking kidding me?! This is important!

Mooooore leeeeeaniiiiiiing...

I call my admissions counselor

She tells me to recruit a third person to write a recommendation for me

{{{sonofapanicattackanxioutystress}}}

I scramble and find another generous soul to write me a recommendation

That night

Because they want it the next day

As in less than a 24 hour turn around

I talk to my mom, she talks to her friend, I talk to her friend

And back and forth and back and forth

She submits her letter

May her name be forever blessed

My application is finally complete

It's nearly the end of November

I wait to hear back

...
...
...

And wait

...
...
...

I hear something back

I didn't take any math courses in college

You need some math courses in your background to qualify for a multiple subject credential

Have I taken any math classes that just aren't listed?

Any?

What about high school?

Yes, I took math in high school

But doesn't 2 1/2 years of Italian count?

The Lord's university thinks so

USC does not think so

Sigh...

I wait...

And wait...

...
...
...

WWWW

aaaa

iii

ttt

...

And as I wait I realize that I really, really don't want to live in DC anymore

Or the East Coast

Man, I want to get out of here

Man, I don't want to pay USC tuition (40k!)

Man, I don't want to start an intensive Master's program if I'm going to be moving soon

...
...
...

I don't think I want to do this USC thing after all

It's soo much money

...
...
...

I hear from the program

I got in

I got into USC

I can be a Trojan

Wow

My counselor calls me to clarify

My admission is conditional because of the math thing

If I keep my grades above a B during the first semester, I'm in for reals

??

Hmm...

My mom taught for 20+ years without a credential

She was the best teacher -- according to students, teachers, administrators, and parents -- that the school ever saw

I just want to teach

I don't need a fancy degree

There's got to be an easier way

An easier way that isn't going to cost me $40k upfront

And $35k in interest

$40k in tuition...

$37k in interest...

To teach

Kindergarten

...

I can't do this

I get my acceptance letter in the mail

I admire it

I pray

I say, 'Hey, what's up? I thought this was a green light.'

...
...
...

I know I can't do this

I tell USC, USC, 'thanks, but no thanks'

That's November

Then comes December

In the beginning of the month I pass my two year mark in DC

I think to myself, 'What am I doing with my life?'

I...

become...

very...

depressed...

Why did I have to go through all the work of applying for that program if I wasn't supposed to enroll in that program?

Why did I have to bother all of those people to write recommendation letters for me if I wasn't going to enroll in that program?

Why did I have to go through all. of. that. stress.?

And now, the embarrassment of telling everyone who knew I was applying that I changed my mind

Why?

{{{;(}}}

...
...
...

Depressed

...
...
...

I decide to move

I'm done living here

I'm done with this job

And I'm done with trying to become a teacher

...
...
...

December ends

It's 2010

My friend LP leaves the firm to finish her Master's

She helped me get my job

She was my sister's roommate for years

She was my friend

It's weird now that she's gone

I just want to leave

My job, this place

To leave, to leave, to leave

I want to leave

I just want to move to Texas

Right now

I know it's the right thing to do

...
...
...

My wounded pride about the teaching thing heals

I start looking at alternative teaching programs in Texas

I find a lot of good options

I apply to one

I send my transcripts

We'll see if they have anything to say about the math issue

If they do, I'll take a math class

No biggie

It'll be ok

...

I start planning my move

I start feeling really lonely and really sad because I want to be there instead of here

I just want to move to Texas

And be there with my family

And also Bruno

And the wide aisles of Wal-mart

And Super Target

And Taco Bells every mile or so

And decent Mexican food

And open space

And nukular families
...
...
...

So now I'm just waiting for the right time to leave

And to save enough money for a car

And gas money to get there

And to cover my bills until I can find some kind of job

Elizaben is moving in July

I will be gone before then

Hopefully long before then...

But at the right time...

My Patience in This Will Be Rewarded...

:::Shazam!:::

Everyone hates going to the CVS near my office because it's ghetto and the customer service stinks (shocker). But guess what? They just remodeled it! Wowee!

Check out those windows! They stretch across the entire storefront!


And the new, snazzy self-checkout area!


It's so clean and bright now!

Ok, and now for the really exciting part, we got new baskets as well! Let's look at the new handle. Instead of two in the middle, there's just one. And the basket itself is so much bigger.


But what's the deal with that long handle? Am I actually supposed to drag my cart on the floor? Yeah, like that's a good id...Holy hell!


There are wheels on the bottom! WHEELS!


It's like a little mini shopping cart for city people! Oh my goodness, oh my GOODness!

Best day! Best day ever!

:::I Succeed, and I Fail:::

There are some DC living battles that I just can't win -- the 10% tax on takeout and restaurant food, the new 5 cent tax on plastic bags at grocery stores*, the exorbitant amount of my money that the city spends on running ineffective and ill-aimed social programs -- but there are some battles that I can win, like finding an easier way to buy the things I need (without being taxed 5 cents per bag sohelpmeyoufascists).

I have long been a fan of online shopping, especially when I can get free shipping. My hope is that someday Amazon will sell everything that I buy online, and that all of these items will qualify for free Super Saver shipping. Ah...Utopia.

After an arm-breaking trip to the Target in Columbia Heights this summer, I hopped online to see if Amazon sold a product that we all need at regular intervals. This product is heavy and bulky, and absolutely necessary. I can buy a smaller size of this product at the corner store two blocks away, but in that scenario it costs just as much as the full-size version that I could buy at a regular store.

Well, it turns out that Amazon does sell this product, but in bulk. At the time I didn't think it was practical to buy so much of this product, but after growing tired of paying way too much for way too little of it, a few weeks ago I went ahead and placed my order. Any guesses what it is?


I was so happy when the box arrived. No more treks out to Target. No more high prices and little volume at the corner store. Victory!

Ok, enough with the teases...


Yep, I bought four big ole bottles of Tide online. Best 50$+ I've spent all year. I was so excited to take care of the nagging, reoccurring problem of stocking laundry detergent. I was so excited that I didn't have to carry anymore heavy, cumbersome bottles of detergent home. I was so excited that Amazon stocked Tide Free, since regular Tide has started irritating my skin.


I was so excited that I hoisted one of my bright, new bottles of beautiful Tide detergent into the air to celebrate my victory, only to find that...


I bought the wrong kind of Tide. Well, the right kind -- Tide Free -- and the wrong kind. Do you think that my 100 year old house has high efficiency, front-loading washing machines? No, and no. Oh-to-the-well, anything is better than just plain hot water.


*Yeah, I know I can get around this by bringing my own bags to the store, but it kills me that DC government is once again taking more money from its citizens and still doing a horrible job of running this town. The more money they take, the crappier job they do. How does that work?

:::Laundry:::

Tonight I've spent my time washing all of my towels, rugs, and clothes, and in between loads downloading fonts while watching Murder, She Wrote episodes on Netflix. Is there anything more tedious than downloading fonts?

I don't find laundry to be tedious, but more of a drag. At least it is when I don't have machines in my home. When I do, I actually enjoy laundry, I even but this book. I like the suddent transformation from dirty to clean, the fresh start of newly laundered clothes and towels, and folding everything into neat piles. Plus, there's the mental relief of knowing that you aren't surrounded my dirty textiles anymore. Relying on public laundry facilities just takes some of the fun out of it though.


Here are the pros and cons of the laundry mat --

Pros

• If there are enough machines open, you can do more than one load at a time and get all of your laundry done at once.
• Sometimes laundry mats have high capacity machines or front loaders (mine doesn't).

Cons

• There might not be any machines open.
• You have to get dressed to do your laundry.
• You have to go back and forth to put the laundry in the washing machines, change it to the dryers, then pick it up.
• If you can't get enough machines for all of your laundry, you have to go back and forth even more.
• Theft.
• It costs money. Currently I'm paying $1 for washing, $.75 for drying.
• You end up sacrificing some of your clothes before you figure out the idiosyncrasies of your washers and dryers. It's usually the dryers that cause the most trouble.
• Like a beast of burden, you have to carry all of your clothes and detergent with you.
• Other people see your dirty unmentionables.
• Other people see your clean unmentionables.
• Because you have to pay, you can't do small loads whenever you need to. You have to wait until you have a full load of laundry to do the wash. Some weeks this drives me batty.

At least I'm lucky enough to have a laundry room in my building. If I didn't, I'd probably pay to have someone else come pick it up and do it for me.

:::Made My Day in 5 Seconds:::

Here is a story about a real act of service.

My blogging friend Jill came up with a brilliant way to assign not just chores to her kids, but also to teach them some life skills, give them an awareness of what it means to take care of and run a home, and have them participate in enriching activities. She simply took some popsicle sticks and wrote a chore or task on each one, then threw them in a bag. Her kids each draw one stick every morning during the summer and have to complete whatever is listed on that stick. Examples? Learn to make a treat, write a letter to a grandparent, read for half and hour, clean baseboards, go for a walk, plan and make dinner, etc.

Really, this is such a brilliant idea. It's simple, it switches things up a bit, and it works.

Here's a quote from Jill's blog about a recent experience her kids had with the sticks --

Whitney had some serious, morning grumpiness about her Popsicle stick job yesterday. She got "clean a bathroom" while Landon got "learn to make a treat" so she thought that was unfair. I don't know what fair has to do with anything, and am sure she wouldn't have had an issue with it had it gone the other way.

(Here are two links to read more about Popsicle sticks year one, and this summer's sticks in Return of the Popsicle Sticks.)

That is why I love this idea so much. Life isn't fair, but we can have balance. We all have to learn how to do things that we don't want to learn how to do, and we all certainly have to do things on a regular basis that we absolutely dislike. Some days you get 'clean a bathroom,' and some days you get 'make a treat.' There are a lot of good days, and there are also many days when you just have to deal with bothersome but necessary life *stuff*.

I thought this was such a brilliant idea that on one of Jill's post I jokingly commented that I wished someone would make Popsicle sticks for my life. Well, could you possibly guess what arrived in the mail shortly thereafter?!


MY OWN SET OF POPSICLE STICKS!!! Courtesy of a very thoughtful and caring and wonderful lady who I have never even met in person. Now that is just awesome. Jill has kids, a husband, and a house to take care of, plus church and sports and friends and all her blogging friends to keep tabs on, but she still took the time to do a seemingly simple act of service for me. If I was my own mother I would be crying right now because someone took the time to do something so nice for my daughter.

I could not believe it when I saw what she had sent me. When I opened the package I actually did a dorky air punch, then hugged the sticks to my chest and bounced around in a circle. This is easily and by far one of the best gifts I have received in my lifetime.

I have not been good about documenting my stick jobs, but now that I have a camera again I'm going to share every task with you. Tonight I came home nearly comatose and really needed a pick-me-up, so I pulled a stick out of the bundle.


I worked on my list as I sat downstairs waiting for my Thai food delivery, and it totally cheered me up. Isn't nice to have someone tell you what to do once in a while?


Three Disney movies? A feature length film about dinosaurs? I guess movies are more about dreaming and wishing and relaxing to me, and not about being intellectually stimulated! Hmm, maybe I can sneak something impressive in at #20...

This just goes to show you that some of the most crucial service we will give to people may have nothing to do with natural disasters, poverty, illness, or other tragedies. Jill's gift has made me realize that the Lord isn't joking or speaking lightly when He commands us to use our personal gifts to help others. This was Jill's idea, so only Jill could have sent me this gift. Look at how happy it made me.

What service opportunities do I miss because I'm only looking for the big ones, or the ones that are easy to spot? Likewise, what can I do beyond the generic opportunities to serve? Almost anyone can take a meal to someone, but what can I, Rebekah, do for someone that only I can do well?

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you Jill! I haven't been this jazzed up about something in a long time.

:::Day 28 -- Free Your Mind:::

Thank you so much for your feedback on yesterday's post. Here's some of the very helpful advise that people gave me.

In a phone call last night, the mother sounding board encouraged me to write down all the things that I think are my goals, then examine them and be honest about which ones I actually had a strong desire to accomplish, and which ones I thought I was merely duty bound to accomplish.

In a comment, Jill mentioned that perhaps I was struggling to meet my goals because they weren't goals at all, but wishes. That really resonated with me, and reminded me of one of my favorite sayings: 'If wishes and buts were candy and nuts, we'd all have a merry Christmas.' Wishes are easy come, easy go, but goals take planning, hard work, and a strong footing in reality.

Joie offered some good thoughts about being motivated and staying the course in a realistic way by taking into account the natural ebb and flow of emotions. I have to admit that I tend to frontload my efforts to change or accomplish things with a heavy onslaught of emotions and expectations, and a flurry of spastic activity.

And Michelle's comment let me know that I'm not alone, so I'm certainly not defective in any way. Though I still haven't turned that calendar page!

All of these comments were along the same train of thought, a thought that I can't say would have sunk into my brain on its one.

Tonight I made another list type layout in Scrapbook Factory Deluxe, then jotted down all of my supposed goals. After looking them over, I see so many of the causes for my frustrations with myself and my life. So many of them are just plain ridiculous, while others have good foundations, but I've warped them into unrealistic expectations. Here's a smattering of some of the lighter items that made it onto my list --

• Teach the nursery children everything about the gospel. No really, everything.
  
• Scrapbook/document every instance of my life in an artistic and impressive way
• Be a granola mom
  
• Master French living (uh, what?!)
• Improve/build homemaking skills (Right now I'm not living in a traditional home where I'm able to really delve into this kind of stuff, so why am I beating myself up about it?)
• Make my own clothes
• Become a stridently aggressive female executive
  
• Live in New York (I. hate. New. York. Why am I doing this to myself?!)

So many things to scratch off outright. So much free space to create in my brain.

And now, I have to rush off to bed since the 10 p.m. rule is one of those goals that I actually do care about.

:::Day 27 -- Friday?:::

Almost, almost, almost...

I'm struggling to organize and efficiently manage my life right now. I'm just finding it difficult to put everything in its place and process the regular demands of life that are coming my way. To add to that, I don't feel fully engaged in the things that I'm doing, and I feel completely passive towards the goals I would like to accomplish. Each day I watch bad habits or those frustrating sins of omission pile on top of each other and pin me down. Heaven help me. Have you ever been able to break a cycle?

My goals for this weekend are:

1. Fold laundry
2. Do more laundry?
3. Turn calendar page to August and fill out commitments
4. Budget, with real figures, into October
5. Finish work area cleanup
6. Restart meaningful scripture study

I wish I would buzz ahead to next year. Then at least the same-old-same-old would look somewhat new to me!

:::Day 22 -- So Many Jokes About Narnia:::

I worked hard for the money today. So hard for--eh, you know the rest.

I'm on another purging kick again. Did you know that throwing things away is one of my favorite things to do? Sometimes when I'm feeling down or frustrated or stressed out I'll set myself a little challenge to throw enough stuff away to fill a certain amount of trash bags. This weekend my goal is 2 large black trash bags, and I'm well on my way.

The funny thing is that even though I live my life in one medium sized room, I can always fill up trash bags with things that I just don't need anymore, or that I never needed in the first place. It's amazing how much I've gotten rid of since I moved out here, but then again, I'm always acquiring things as well, especially craft supplies. It's particularly hard for me to throw away craft items because I just never know if I may very well need that random little item at some point. Has that ever happened to you? I've tossed things out before in the spirit of decluttering, only to come across the perfect project for that item a few weeks later. That's frustrating, for sure.

Another funny thing is that my room does not look cluttered, but somehow there are always things that I can get rid of. How does that happen? The backs of my drawers must open into Narnia.

Narnia, you say?


Now that is funny.

:::Day 19 -- ....{snore}...huh? what?!:::

There is a special kind of sickness that settles over offices during the month of August. It drains energy levels, saps strength, and dampens motivations. I'm only one of many infected workers who are weary and bone tired, and almost too fatigued and too lazy to drag themselves into the office every day. Keeping my eyelids open is a minute by minute struggle as I sit hunchbacked and slack jawed (Rachel?) in front of my computer all day. I might have put forth 2-3 hours of honest labor today, max. That is a sad state of affairs.

Like I said, though, I'm not the only one. Half the town is gone on vacation,* and the half of us that were left behind are struggling big time to stay in the game. As I walk around the halls of my office I feel like I'm swimming through molasses. There are glazed eyes and heads full of cotton around every corner. Oh, the agony of the office in August!

Tomorrow, tomorrow I will do better. I will finish cataloging the six books that I've been working on since, um, Friday.

Sigh.

I will file updates for at least one publication. I hereby ban myself from all of my frivolous internet surfing. I will organize at least two portions of my desk.

Beyond the wall of lethargy, I will prevail.


*This is, apparently, an East Coast thing to do. People just pack up shop and leave for a good portion of the month. Many of our attorneys won't be back until the end of the month.