My blogging friend Lelly does this thing where she writes for a set amount of time and just let's everything flow out onto the screen.
Here's my attempt...
Today I am...scared.
I don't make enough money at the job I started this week to support myself.
Since it's a full-time job, it's going to be hard to get away to interview for better jobs.
Are there better jobs?
I am doubting my plan to move here. What was I thinking? Why did I think this would work? I had an apartment in DC, and I could have probably landed a higher-paying job. Why did I leave?
Rent here is almost the same as what I was paying in DC (I lived in the hood, remember?), except in DC it included all of my utilities, and I wasn't paying for car insurance.
So, my cost of living is actually going up, not down.
But my salary has gone decreased drastically.
I did these calculations before I left, but I still felt like I should go ahead with the plan.
But how is this going to work?
I need a part-time job at night to make extra money, but that can't happen right now for logistical reasons.
And can I handle a part-time job at night?
What was I thinking when I moved here?!
How do you balance faith with the realities of life? Rent, insurance, bills (so many bills), etc...I believe in faith, but I also believe in...reality? That's not the right word, but you know what I'm trying to say.
I tried this year to make better decisions for myself, but I'm starting to feel like I've made another stupid, stupid Rebekah-style life decision. I've made so, so many stupid mistakes in the past that I'm still paying for (literally+figuratively). Have I made another series of mistakes that will hold me back for years to come?
I'm always landing myself in the remedial class. People my age are buying houses and supporting families, and not all of them are engineers, mba's, or lawyers. What the heck is wrong with me? I can't even afford to pay rent! Why am I so stupid with life?