:::My Most Favorites:::

Cab rides
Twinkle Lights
Swift elevators
Joan Hickson
The Wasatch Front
Temples
Unscented hand cream
The feeling of water
Packages in the mail from online shopping
Spring in Utah
Chewy Brownies
Reading and hearing Latin
Fall in Utah
Swimming
The scent of plumerias
Libraries
Sophia, Scott, and Molly (and Bruno)
Dogs, especially dopey ones
Taking pictures
London
Breezy curtains
Lipglass
Being a temple recommend holder
Drives, especially on Sunday
The color green
The area around 17th Street & Constitution NW
Hearing or seeing my name other places
Tung brushes
Walking on grass
Rain storms
Crockpots
The Tree Streets in Provo
Rocking babies to sleep
Christmas
Lord of the Rings
Spaghetti Bolognese
Easter
Nice carpet
Bookshelves
The sound of the ocean
Mist and fog
Big, comfy chairs
Western landscapes
Cows & The Cow
Early mornings
Dusk
Pedicures
"And the sunlight clasps the earth, and the moonbeams kiss the sea..."
Big, big windows
Church bells
Farmers Markets
Quesadillas
Citrus
Construction paper valentines
Heavy glass vases
Felting
Cherry blossoms around DC
Having people to cook for
Small spaces
The Dock of the Bay
Big skies
Humidifiers
Pantene
Tulips
Soft, warm light
iPods
Nice handwriting
Long undershirts
My mom
Nicknames
Indian food
Bright colors
Ezekiel 18:32
Relaxation cds
Horses
Sheep
Glass jars
Chick Lit
Cushy slippers
Toffee
Etsy
The Lake Isle of Innisfree
Eggs
Netflix
Dole Whips
Trees
Gas stoves
Settling into a hotel room
Wood furniture
Bright nail polish
Good restaurants
How Clear, How Lovely Bright
Plain bean burritos
Watermelon
Rivers
The Prairie
Amazon.com
Good memories
Laundry
Summer grilling
Mormon 9:27
Casseroles
Tamales
Tito's
Big jewelery
Internet connectivity
Small shopping carts
Quiet museums
Pennsylvania Ave. NW at 10th Street to Constitution Ave. NW at New Jersey Ave.
Lists
Sourdough bread
Robert A. Taft Memorial and Carillon
My time at TMH
My apartment in Provo
Lucky breaks
Unscented white candles
Trivia
Super Target
Laughing
Blankets made with Minky Dimple Dot
Cheese and crackers
Quiet Sundays in Utah
Blogs
The Savior
Motels
Nancy Drew
Ironing
Half-empty office days
Old fashioned vanilla ice cream
Milk chocolate
Balloons
Victoriana
Lunch out
English gardens
Acorns
Bar soap
Sweet dreams
Heavy slumber
Gingerbread
Squash
Chartreuse
Gold rings
Riding a bike
Wind chimes
TJ Maxx
Absorbent dishtowels

...To be continued?

"...And I Shall Not Be Shamed"

Love it.

:::Did She Ever Get Married?:::

(I wrote this post as soon as I woke up this morning, then chickened out of posting it, then reread it at work and thought, meh, what the hay.)

While I was in Texas, Sarah and I talked a lot about shifting our wants and dreams to fit the circumstances in our life that we've wound up in, great as those circumstances may be. We wondered how we could come to terms with knowing that it was time to mentally and emotionally move our focus from where we wanted to be to where we actually were in life, and then go from there without being hung-up on our original dreams. Make sense?

For example, I'm nearly 28, not married, and with no children. I'm never going to be a young mother at BYU. Heck, I'm never going to be a young mother. That dream is gone. It's just not going to happen, no matter how deeply rooted it was in my heart, and regardless of how 'good' I was or am, there is no way for me to jump back in time and have that experience.

I'm also not going to have a big old mess of children. Yeah, yeah, it's still technically possible and blah, blah, blah, but don't you believe that you can feel in your heart when a door closes? I do, and I think that door has creeeeaked shut.

And now, being closer to 30 than I am to 20 (thank heavens), I feel like I juuust might have the answer to the 'will I ever get married' question, and I think, all things considered, that the scale is tipped in favor of 'no'. What does this mean? Well, it means that sometimes I'm sad about it, but most of the time it just feels natural in an accepting way, and that's why I think that I kind of know.


Me: Lord, will I get married?

Lord: No, Rebekah, not now.

Me: Oh, ok. So, can you guarantee me a garden flat in London?

Lord: Um, we'll see, dear.

Me: Hmm. I'll ask again in a little while, just in case.


The thing is, I just might get my garden flat in London, I just might get away with it. It's something within my power and capability and current life circumstances to bring about. It fits within the groove that my life has carved for me, it's on my track. That's a good, healthy place for my dreams and expectations to be because even if I don't get a garden flat in London, it's something I can at least get close to going in the direction that I'm going.

Sarah told me that my mom worries that I'll marry someone mean (news to me, Annette). I told her the question shouldn't be 'Will she marry someone mean?' but, 'Will she want to get married at all?' My life as a single person is starting to take shape and I really like what I'm seeing.

Do I want to get married? Do I still need to want to even if I think I won't? Is that the righteous thing to do?

I don't know if I want to get married. I'm not 23 anymore. I feel like I've been to the mountain top and I've seen down into the promised land. There is so much that I could do on the other side of 30, so much to experience, so much to have. And all those experiences and things and lessons would all be mine. Mine, mine, mine. And I could do whatever I wanted all of the time, and I would never have to worry about being a certain way to keep someone interested or in love with me. It would all be about me and the good things I wanted to do with my life. Hot. damn.

This is a breakthrough for me. Most of my 20s were spent worrying and crying over the fact that I wasn't good enough for the Lord to send me a man. Now I think, 'Meh, if someone wants me they can come and get me. In the mean time, I will go to Paaaaris!'

Do I sound selfish? Maybe I am. It probably doesn't matter though, because, hey, it is all about me. For a single person maybe selfishness is survival. I support myself. I plan for myself. I pay my bills. I organize and coordinate my entire life -- alone. I do it all, so, yeah, I spend a lot of time thinking about me and what I want, what I want, what I want. If I don't, I'm...jobless? On the streets? Directionless? Dependent on others for the things I could do for myself? Never.

If there's not going to be a husband to share my life with or children to nurture, then good for me for wanting what is coming down the road. The Lord put it there, so good for me.


This post was supposed to end up as a list of unique things that I would bring to motherhood if I entered that blessed state much later in life than I had originally planned. Instead, something else spilled out onto the screen. Something very interesting...

To be continued...

:::Day 16 -- Her Motherhood Preceded Her Maternity:::

"Eve was given the identity of “the mother of all living”—years, decades, perhaps centuries before she ever bore a child. It would appear that her motherhood preceded her maternity, just as surely as the perfection of the Garden preceded the struggles of mortality. I believe mother is one of those very carefully chosen words, one of those rich words—with meaning after meaning after meaning. We must not, at all costs, let that word divide us. I believe with all my heart that it is first and foremost a statement about our nature, not a head count of our children."

--Patricia Holland

I believe so much in this truth -- that motherhood is about a woman's nature, and not about the amount of children she has or even is she's married.

Motherhood is an eternal and divine role of all women. The essence and vibrancy of being a mother is in our nature, and it is part of our calling here on earth at every point in our progression. This idea calms me and reassures me, and it also fills me with power and strength because it tells me exactly who I am and always have been in the eternal round of the Lord's plan. I am on the same road as a woman with children. We are the same, we are both mothers. The absence or presence of children doesn't impact our claim to motherhood or our responsibility to this role.

To say now, and to know now that I am a mother fills my heart beyond capacity with joy.

:::me-festo -- part 2:::

i am an introvert. i'm not afraid to be alone.

i enjoy being alone. it doesn't scare me, it doesn't bother me, i like it.


here is a fascinating quote from an article i read recently about introverts on the job search. i found that it perfectly explains how i feel as an introvert:

"In everyday language, people often use the words 'shy' and 'introverted' interchangeably," notes Wendy Gelberg, a career coach whose firm Gentle Job Search/Advantage Resumes (www.gentlejobsearch.com) has been advising introverted executives since 1979. "But introverts are not necessarily shy." Rather -- in contrast to their extroverted opposites -- introverts are more focused on what's inside their own heads than on what's happening around them, and they are refreshed and energized by solitude. Extroverts direct their attention outward and get charged up by having other people around. Says Gelberg: "After spending a few hours or a whole day with others, an introvert needs to withdraw and be alone for a while, while an extrovert will be saying, 'Let's party!' "

"We tend to feel that extroversion is the gold standard, that it's more 'normal,' " she says. "But that's because it's all we see, on TV and elsewhere. After all, a television show about someone just sitting quietly or reading a book wouldn't draw many viewers. And then, as introverts, we don't get together and share our experiences, so we assume we're all alone."

:::me-festo -- part 1:::

you've seen this listed under 'coming soon' for months now. so, here it is -- part 1 of my 'me-festo', which is a manifesto about who i am.

me-festo

1. this blog is not my journal - if my life ever seems more fantastic, or more depressing than yours, remember that.