there are two factors that have contributed to my lack of posting lately --
1) i've grown tired of trying to write in
the voice. you may know what i'm talking about.
the voice is that deep, insightful, reflective, witty, original tone that i feel i have to use in my blogging. i'm not sure if i ever successfully assumed
the voice, but i'm constantly worried about doing so. each time that i've sat down to blog in the past few weeks i've felt incredibily burdened by reaching this expectation, so, for the most part, i just haven't blogged. today i've decided to ignore the pull of
the voice and just start writing my little blog entries again. i hope it works.
2) 0ne of the buttons popped off of my camera on memorial day. i bought a replacement button on ebay yesterday, and i hope that it not only arrives shortly, but that it snaps right into place and works perfectly.
in the past i've felt hesitant about constantly documenting my life, but now that i don't have a the luxury of a fully-functioning camera, i've found that
i really miss taking photos of things that interest me, make me smile, make me scratch my head, etc. i took a four block walk to a mexican restaurant tonight and i felt heart pains almost every other step because i was missing out on so many picture-taking opportunities.
right now it may seem weird that as i walk around i take so many pictures of trees, ivy, brick sidewalks, row houses, flowers, light posts, and on and on, but someday i won't be living this life anymore and
it will make me happy to look back at these pictures and see the little things that had caught my eye. if i have children, i know they will appreciate it as well as i would have loved to see photos like this of my own mother's life.
3)
i hate, hate, hate my computer set up. it requires that i type on my laptop and crane my head to the left to look at the monitor. it makes my neck hurt, it occasionally gives me a headache, and sometimes i just don't want to deal with it.
in spite of all of this, i still feel the pull of blogging and feel sad that i've been avoiding it for so long. therefore,
i hereby resolve that --
1) i will blog without letting
the voice hinder me.
2) i will make my blog
a place of me. each post will be like adding another brushstroke to a canvas, and as the pictures is made i won't try to anticipate what the final product will be. instead, i'll go with the flow of each brushstroke.
3) i will recommit to
documenting my life in a fashion that makes me happy.
4) i will not be afraid to take cues, ideas, and inspiration from the things around me.
5) while i'm waiting for my camera button to arrive, i'll try to find some old pictures to liven things up a bit. maybe this will include a few self-portraits that
the voice didn't want to see the light of day...
6) the computer...oh, this darn computer. there's not much i can do about it now since i have other savings goals that i'm working toward that i feel are a bit more important at this time. i think i need to turn this over as a constant matter of prayer, and not just a matter of
woeful wishing. when i think of all the little things that i'd like to print out for my visiting teachees but can't (cards, tags for gifts, reminder cards for appointments, quotes, letters, handouts) it makes me sad. there may be a way around this problem and
i'm just not seeing it yet.
i hope this works. a good and thorough blog makes me so happy because it means that i'm actively caring about my life, and that means that i'm in a good place mentally.
i made cards for the troops because ali edwards told me to.
a canon a530 powershot -- for a few years now.
paint is also useful if you need to turn something into a jpeg. just copy the image or text and paste it into paint, then when you 'save as', pick 'jpeg' as the document type. that's how i eventually uploaded my blog banner since, at the time, you couldn't control the collage settings in picassa (and you still don't have much control). piece by piece i copied and resized photos into a paint document until i had something i liked.
i would love to have an slr and edit my photos in a nice editing program, but making those purchases would be a ridiculous thing for me to do at this time. before i can commit to those items, a new computer is desperately needed -- one without a cracked screen, a broken cd/dvd reader, and that allows you to download or run almost anything from the internet. i also have to spend money on the things that are necessary for regular life, and the small projects that i make so that i can decorate my room and add to the growing sense of home i feel when i walk through my door everday. so many things that come before a nice camera and computer programs.
i think i could be a better photographer if i had a better camera, and maybe i could make those photos look better if i had and could learn to use some editing software. but, for now, i'm happy with what i have. as time goes by i learn more and more about my camera, and i think my photos are improving because of it. not to sound cheesy, but i'm proud of the progress i've made in spite of my equipment limitations.