Wednesday, June 2, 2010

::I Really Am Writing About Vomiting:::

I throw up many mornings. It's true. It's a special little thing I do, and nobody knows why. Been happening for years.

Tossing cookies on a thoroughly empty stomach is hard graft that includes a lot of cramping and
s t r a i n i n g and prolonged periods of arrested breathing while in the middle of long, desperate heaves.

But, I shouldn't call it a 'thoroughly empty stomach,' because there's always bile.

Oh, the sour, sour bile.

But enough about vomit, because that's not the point of this post.

The point of this post is that yesterday I was gripped by a heave so mighty that I pulled muscles in my neck and shoulder, and busted a bunch of capillaries on the right side of my face.

Ok, now that's just awesome. How many times have you heard of anyone sustaining an injury due to the shear effort of throwing up? I'm like a champion or something.

And the weirdest thing is that while I was being wracked by this colossal heave, I thought to myself, 'I think I'm going to bust a bunch of capillaries in my face.'

I call that instincts, baby.

Anyhow, sorry about the vomit details. I just had to give you some history so that you wouldn't focus on the fact that I was vomiting (normal), but on my vomiting-related injuries (an anomaly).

Now let's see if we can get this story published.


Joie said...

Holy moly. All my muscles were tensing while I was reading this. Kind of the same way I hold my mouth open while I cut with scissor.

I think a story like this definitely needs photos of busted capillaries in order to go viral. :) Not that I really want to look.

Jill said...

What in the world??? This was amusing to read, but sounds like a nightmarish way to start the day.

michelle said...

Oh dear, oh dear. That's a pretty yucky brand of normal.