:::Day 28 -- Free Your Mind:::

Thank you so much for your feedback on yesterday's post. Here's some of the very helpful advise that people gave me.

In a phone call last night, the mother sounding board encouraged me to write down all the things that I think are my goals, then examine them and be honest about which ones I actually had a strong desire to accomplish, and which ones I thought I was merely duty bound to accomplish.

In a comment, Jill mentioned that perhaps I was struggling to meet my goals because they weren't goals at all, but wishes. That really resonated with me, and reminded me of one of my favorite sayings: 'If wishes and buts were candy and nuts, we'd all have a merry Christmas.' Wishes are easy come, easy go, but goals take planning, hard work, and a strong footing in reality.

Joie offered some good thoughts about being motivated and staying the course in a realistic way by taking into account the natural ebb and flow of emotions. I have to admit that I tend to frontload my efforts to change or accomplish things with a heavy onslaught of emotions and expectations, and a flurry of spastic activity.

And Michelle's comment let me know that I'm not alone, so I'm certainly not defective in any way. Though I still haven't turned that calendar page!

All of these comments were along the same train of thought, a thought that I can't say would have sunk into my brain on its one.

Tonight I made another list type layout in Scrapbook Factory Deluxe, then jotted down all of my supposed goals. After looking them over, I see so many of the causes for my frustrations with myself and my life. So many of them are just plain ridiculous, while others have good foundations, but I've warped them into unrealistic expectations. Here's a smattering of some of the lighter items that made it onto my list --

• Teach the nursery children everything about the gospel. No really, everything.
  
• Scrapbook/document every instance of my life in an artistic and impressive way
• Be a granola mom
  
• Master French living (uh, what?!)
• Improve/build homemaking skills (Right now I'm not living in a traditional home where I'm able to really delve into this kind of stuff, so why am I beating myself up about it?)
• Make my own clothes
• Become a stridently aggressive female executive
  
• Live in New York (I. hate. New. York. Why am I doing this to myself?!)

So many things to scratch off outright. So much free space to create in my brain.

And now, I have to rush off to bed since the 10 p.m. rule is one of those goals that I actually do care about.

:::Day 27 -- Friday?:::

Almost, almost, almost...

I'm struggling to organize and efficiently manage my life right now. I'm just finding it difficult to put everything in its place and process the regular demands of life that are coming my way. To add to that, I don't feel fully engaged in the things that I'm doing, and I feel completely passive towards the goals I would like to accomplish. Each day I watch bad habits or those frustrating sins of omission pile on top of each other and pin me down. Heaven help me. Have you ever been able to break a cycle?

My goals for this weekend are:

1. Fold laundry
2. Do more laundry?
3. Turn calendar page to August and fill out commitments
4. Budget, with real figures, into October
5. Finish work area cleanup
6. Restart meaningful scripture study

I wish I would buzz ahead to next year. Then at least the same-old-same-old would look somewhat new to me!

:::Day 25 -- Christmas Plans?:::

I don't have anything specific to write about tonight, just some tame thoughts here and there.

Are you already thinking about Christmas? I know I am. Like a lot of people, I hope to make many of the gifts I give this year, though more than likely I'll buy things for Poph, Buddy, and Molly. It seems that if you can't sew, there aren't many handmade gifts that you can feasibly make for children that they'll actually be excited about. Last year Elizabeth got them fingertip flashlights and magnifying glasses and they l-o-v-e-d them. I don't even remember what I got them. Yeesh.

...

I'm sorry, I thought I had more thoughts than that. I've now been staring at the screen for more than a half an hour. I guess that's as good as it's going to get tonight!



ETA: I just realized that today is the Day 25 and I wrote about Christmas. Ha!

:::Day 23 -- The Drama of All Ages:::

"The course of our mortal life, from birth to death, conforms to eternal law and follows a plan described in the revelations as The Great Plan of Happiness. The one idea, the one truth I would inject into your minds is this: There are three parts to the plan. You are in the second or the middle part, the one in which you will be tested by temptation, by trials, perhaps by tragedy. Understand that, and you will be better able to make sense of life and to resist the disease of doubt and despair and depression...

The plan of redemption, with its three divisions, might be likened to a grand three-act play. Act I is entitled 'Premortal Life.' The scriptures describe it as our First Estate. Act II, from birth to the time of resurrection, the 'Second Estate.' And Act III, 'Life After Death or Eternal Life.'

In mortality, we are like one who enters a theater just as the curtain goes up on the second act. We have missed Act I. The production has many plots and sub-plots that interweave, making it difficult to figure out who relates to whom and what relates to what, who are the heroes and who are the villains. It is further complicated because you are not just a spectator; you are a member of the cast, on stage, in the middle of it all!

...Until you have a broad perspective of the eternal nature of this great drama, you won’t make much sense out of the inequities in life. Some are born with so little and others with so much, some in poverty, with handicaps, with pain, with suffering, premature death even of innocent children. There are the brutal, unforgiving forces of nature and the brutality of man to man. We’ve seen a lot of that recently."

Do not suppose that God willfully causes that, which for His own purposes, He permits. When you know the plan and purpose of it all, even these things will manifest a loving Father in Heaven."

-- President Boyd K. Packer, "The Play and the Plan"

:::Day 21 -- Just In the Nick of Time:::

What do I have to say for myself today? Not much, I guess.

Earlier in the week I requested today off as vacation time. It feels like it's been forever since we've had a holiday, and Labor Day is just too far away for me to wait, so I made my own little holiday.

I woke up early enough to see the sunrise...in my room...through closed blinds...while in bed. Hey, it counts. It was the funniest thing, one moment everything was blue-y gray, and then the next everything was warm-y yellow.

I bummed around my room for what felt like half a day, but it was only 10:40 a.m. by the time I left to get a pedicure. By that time I had eaten breakfast, conducted internet business, ironed, done three loads of laundry, showered, gotten dressed, put on makeup, and tidied things up a bit. Clearly, my ability to properly conduct my life is greatly hindered by the amount of time I spend away from home everyday.

So, I got a pedicure. I brought along my orange Mini Shorts Essie polish and my toes look nice and summery. I also like their hot pink Punchy Pink that I use on my fingers, and I've got my eye on this gray color that I saw at the salon. I'm generally not that into nail polish, but sometimes I get on these kicks, you know.

Then I went all the way to Costco and bought enough lunch food to last until the Rapture. Then I ate one of those hand dipped ice cream bars and felt so happy to be alive.

{I'm racing against the clock until midnight!}

Then I came home and cleaned my fridge with ammonium and almost passed out from the fumes.

Then I had to take a nap for a while because I had a headache.

Then I got online and bought a new camera because mine is now officially, officially broken.

Then I watched some Twilight Zone episodes on Netflix.

I love milk.

The end.

:::Day 20 -- {Random Adjective} + {Random Noun} Photography:::

Remember when we all had cheap cameras and we hated that our images looked like this?


But now we all have expensive cameras and we go to great lengths to try and make our photos look like we're still shooting with cheap cameras.

Tonight I tried my hand at photo editing in GIMP, a completely free photo editing software (comparable to Photoshop). I'm pleased with the way it turned out, except for that black dot on Sophia's head. Ignore that, my mouse got away from me for a second there.

It's funny to me that this does look exactly like so many photos from my childhood. I like the way the photo looks overexposed, the way the colors are muted and soft, and that you can see the light in Buddy's hair. Sometimes it's nice when photos don't exactly imitate what you see with your eyes. It makes it more magical, I think.

Anyways, by next week I'll probably be ready to start my own photography business. For a small fee your family and I will trespass onto someone's private property where I'll take your photos on rusted out pickups in overgrown fields. And then I'll stick your baby in a basket or something and photograph that. We'll just play it by ear until the cops come.

:::Day 14 -- Jump Start:::

Do you have any weekend plans? I don't really, nothing that's going to blow anyone's socks off. I'm going to try and organize myself again so that the weekdays aren't so difficult. I've had some frazzled mornings lately, replete with yelling at inanimate objects and leaving without hair and makeup completely finished. One of my goal for next week is to go one step further in my regular organization strategies and have my outfits picked out and ironed the night before.


I've been doing such a good job at hanging onto my money lately, but I had to spend some today on a few valid purchases. One thing that you don't realize when you're younger is that life costs money beyond the regular planned expenses like rent, food, and bills. Things may break, stop working, get ruined and need to be replaced, you may get sick and have to pay for health care, or maybe something ends up costing more than you originally budgeted for. That's why you can't spend money when you have it. Well, not all of it. Sad, and maybe a little cruel, but it's better in the long run.

May you sleep in a dark room with a cool breeze. See you tomorrow.

:::Day 11 -- This Is Quite Fun, Actually:::

Well, I'm a third of the way done with my 30 day challenge, and you know what? It hasn't been that hard. Honestly. All I do is sit down and write about my day, my life, my thoughts, maybe add a picture or two, some hyperlinks, and I'm done. I've really enjoyed this self-imposed challenge for a few reasons.

First, I like having a daily routine that is dedicated 100% to something that I want to do. Second, blogging is a creative pastime for me, and I love being creative, so doing something creative everyday is just stellar. Third, I like the fact that I'm working on something that I can see grow. If I was keeping up to date on my sidebar, I'd have a list of eleven posts now. I enjoy seeing visible progression, and adding to my blog everyday provides that fix.

Ooh, and it also fulfills my 'cross things of a list' fix. I looove that one.

...

Today I went to a lunch meeting at another law firm that is 3 or 4 blocks away from my office. When I walked over there it was hot and swampy outside. When I left an hour and a half later, it was less hot, still swampy, and sprinkling. Welcome to DC. The number one rule of being a Washingtonian -- never leave home without your umbrella. Here's why --

{Yay! Poor quality camera phone pictures!}

One minute, you're under a clear blue sky. Then you cross the street and you're being rained on. Literally.


And then it's over. Huh?

I don't write a lot about my job here for propriety's sake. Not because I do anything top secret, but because you just don't do that if you've got any sense about you. Also, this is my space. Heaven knows I give 'them' enough of my soul...:)

:::Day 3 -- I Date Myself:::

On Saturday I asked myself out to the movies to see Up at the theaters at Gallery Place. Since I chose the 11:00 am showing, there were only two other people in the entire theater.


I really have no idea how to use my camera. I'm really, really frustrated with technology right now, but that's another story.

I thought the movie was...ok. Actually, I didn't think it was that great. Granted, I'd heard a lot of hype about Up ahead of time, but I still don't think a clean slate would have made any difference.

Without giving too much away, there are three stories in the movie. The inner most story, which I will call old man v. old man, was horrible, completely abysmal. The middle story, old man + little boy, was predictable and just 'meh'. The outermost story, old man + true love, was fan-tastic. It was the only storyline that made me laugh and cry, and held my interest. Sadly, this is the story that gets the least amount of screen time and finishes within the first 5 or so minutes of the film's beginning.

After I left I was drawn into a sushi bar with one of those little conveyor belts that rotates different dishes around.


Those are the chefs in the kitchen preparing dishes to put on the belt. The idea is that you snag what you want from the belt, stack up your dishes, and then at the end you're charged for the number and color of your dishes. My mom and dad went someplace like this in their traveling days, so I had to give it a whirl. I'm not a huge sushi fan, so I was happy taking the cheapest items which had the least amount of fish in them.


After lunch, I went to Bed, Bath & Beyond to get some toiletries. The store at Gallery Place has a complete personal care section, and a very clean customer bathroom. I like knowing I have 'anchor' bathrooms at different locations throughout the city. You never know.

I decided that it wouldn't be a real date unless I had dessert, so I got a butter pecan shake at the Haagen Daz store.


Hello, delicious.

Since the weather was so nice, I walked back to the Hill from Chinatown. I briefly stopped at this little park near the Capitol to apply some After Bite to the 13 bug bites on my legs. I also had to fend off an overly friendly squirrel who must have thought I had some kind of food that I'd be willing to share with him. As if.


I don't think I've done that many things in a row in a long time. It was definitely fun and I felt pretty snazzy about my little Saturday adventure.

Myself was a great date. Myself planned everything, paid for everything, and was so easy to talk to. I hope myself calls me again soon for another date.