the past two months have been difficult for me, mainly, if not only, because of work related stresses. because of this, february slipped by without much work done in my personal life, and then i spent march festering in sadness and disappointment about the failure of the month before.
despite the lack of work done in my personal life, and the trying situation at the office, i actually did quite a lot of work in my work life. i had high hopes that if i committed myself to working with increased diligence the things that were troubling me would be alleviated, but that was not the case! as i tried to take care of more and more responsibilities, other responsibilities found their way to me, culminating in a tearful meeting with my hr director. girl talk -- never underestimate its healing powers!
the only resolution that i really worked on was to try and organize a workable spring/summer wardrobe. now that i think of it, this was actually a gargantuan undertaking that required hours of research, and buying and returning $800 worth of merchandise. yes, $800. my new rule is that i will look far and wide and consider many options, but if i don't immediately like it, it goes back. after all of my efforts, i was left with about $175 worth of items that i really like. regardless of this feat, i still look back on these two months and feel somewhat empty.
everything is fine, so don't worry. life is just tough, as you well know, and there's no way of escaping the situations of mortality that we have been sent here specifically to learn from. i repeat, i am totally fine. there's no denying, however, that i've been looking for some kind of special relief since mid-way through february. as i pondered my situation at the end of march, i asked myself what i thought i needed, what i wanted, what kind of aid i was hoping for. i came to the conclusion that i was seeking peace and a stronger connection to truth and light in a chaotic, stressful, and confusing world. i also hoped and prayed that my determination would return after taking a two month vacation.
slowly, but surely, that prayer has been answered. in these first few days of april i have already felt a boost of motivation and a return of clear-headed thinking. i am again ready to tackle my personal resolutions and do some real work to make substantive progress in my at-home life.
feeling crummy, lazy, just all-around beige is the worst feeling. thankfully, as of now my spirits are up and i feel like i'm riding on the top of a wave. of course, there wouldn't be highs without any lows, so i know i'll feel 'bleh' again. but i hope that with the experiences of february and march behind me i can power through them more successfully.
onward and upward!