Stick with me, you're patience in this will be rewarded...
I've been thinking about getting an MLS for years
Since I was at BYU
...
...
...
Years pass
...
...
...
I get my current job working in a law library
After my first year, I start making plans to apply to grad school
I join professional organizations and attend conferences and meetings
I sign up for the mentoring program
I go to socials (painful)
I chime in on conversations on my library listserv
I'm really liking this librarian thing!
I pick an MLS program
I start my online application
I ask two people at work to write my letters of recommendation
One of them submits her letter
...
...
...
I can't bring myself to write my application essays
I realize that while I find library work/information systems fascinating, it's not a field that I want to build a career in
I realize that I do not want to work in an office anymore
Or sit in front of a computer my entire life
But I do like environments centered on information and knowledge
I like learning environments
And interacting with people in learning environments
Especially children in learning environments
And not working at a computer
I think back to all of those education classes that I took at UVS- er, UVU after BYU.
Hmm...
I realize, for the millionth time, that secondary ed wasn't right for me
the clouds part
...elementary ed?
I start looking at certification options
I find a grad program
Through USC
Yeah, USC
That I can do here in DC
So I can keep my job ($$)
And stay in my ward
And not move to LA (boo)
So I pray, 'Is this right?'
And the answer comes, 'Apply!'
So I start my application
I am excited!!!
I research the program
I talk to admissions counselors
The early application deadline is in, like, four weeks
Yikes, but I'm so excited!!!
I begin my application
I ask two people to write recommendation letters
I hustle, hustle, hustle
I write my essays
I take days off of work to finish all of my essays
I recruit all of my family to pray for me
I put the lean on the generous souls who are writing my recommendations
One of these souls turns her letter in on time
I turn in my application on time
I put the lean even harder on my third recommender
And more leaning
And more leaning
And more leaning
Are you stinking kidding me?! This is important!
Mooooore leeeeeaniiiiiiing...
I call my admissions counselor
She tells me to recruit a third person to write a recommendation for me
{{{sonofapanicattackanxioutystress}}}
I scramble and find another generous soul to write me a recommendation
That night
Because they want it the next day
As in less than a 24 hour turn around
I talk to my mom, she talks to her friend, I talk to her friend
And back and forth and back and forth
She submits her letter
May her name be forever blessed
My application is finally complete
It's nearly the end of November
I wait to hear back
...
...
...
And wait
...
...
...
I hear something back
I didn't take any math courses in college
You need some math courses in your background to qualify for a multiple subject credential
Have I taken any math classes that just aren't listed?
Any?
What about high school?
Yes, I took math in high school
But doesn't 2 1/2 years of Italian count?
The Lord's university thinks so
USC does not think so
Sigh...
I wait...
And wait...
...
...
...
WWWW
aaaa
iii
ttt
...
And as I wait I realize that I really, really don't want to live in DC anymore
Or the East Coast
Man, I want to get out of here
Man, I don't want to pay USC tuition (40k!)
Man, I don't want to start an intensive Master's program if I'm going to be moving soon
...
...
...
I don't think I want to do this USC thing after all
It's soo much money
...
...
...
I hear from the program
I got in
I got into USC
I can be a Trojan
Wow
My counselor calls me to clarify
My admission is conditional because of the math thing
If I keep my grades above a B during the first semester, I'm in for reals
??
Hmm...
My mom taught for 20+ years without a credential
She was the best teacher -- according to students, teachers, administrators, and parents -- that the school ever saw
I just want to teach
I don't need a fancy degree
There's got to be an easier way
An easier way that isn't going to cost me $40k upfront
And $35k in interest
$40k in tuition...
$37k in interest...
To teach
Kindergarten
...
I can't do this
I get my acceptance letter in the mail
I admire it
I pray
I say, 'Hey, what's up? I thought this was a green light.'
...
...
...
I know I can't do this
I tell USC, USC, 'thanks, but no thanks'
That's November
Then comes December
In the beginning of the month I pass my two year mark in DC
I think to myself, 'What am I doing with my life?'
I...
become...
very...
depressed...
Why did I have to go through all the work of applying for that program if I wasn't supposed to enroll in that program?
Why did I have to bother all of those people to write recommendation letters for me if I wasn't going to enroll in that program?
Why did I have to go through all. of. that. stress.?
And now, the embarrassment of telling everyone who knew I was applying that I changed my mind
Why?
{{{;(}}}
...
...
...
Depressed
...
...
...
I decide to move
I'm done living here
I'm done with this job
And I'm done with trying to become a teacher
...
...
...
December ends
It's 2010
My friend LP leaves the firm to finish her Master's
She helped me get my job
She was my sister's roommate for years
She was my friend
It's weird now that she's gone
I just want to leave
My job, this place
To leave, to leave, to leave
I want to leave
I just want to move to Texas
Right now
I know it's the right thing to do
...
...
...
My wounded pride about the teaching thing heals
I start looking at alternative teaching programs in Texas
I find a lot of good options
I apply to one
I send my transcripts
We'll see if they have anything to say about the math issue
If they do, I'll take a math class
No biggie
It'll be ok
...
I start planning my move
I start feeling really lonely and really sad because I want to be there instead of here
I just want to move to Texas
And be there with my family
And also Bruno
And the wide aisles of Wal-mart
And Super Target
And Taco Bells every mile or so
And decent Mexican food
And open space
And nukular families
...
...
...
So now I'm just waiting for the right time to leave
And to save enough money for a car
And gas money to get there
And to cover my bills until I can find some kind of job
Elizaben is moving in July
I will be gone before then
Hopefully long before then...
But at the right time...
My Patience in This Will Be Rewarded...
7 comments:
I'm so glad that you're coming here. I don't think you realize how much you mean to me and how much I depend on you. I'll be so very glad to have you near.
I'm glad that things are coalescing for you and you've found the path that's right for you.
Wow, you were not messing around with the big November, were you? Wow.
It's hard going through all that stress and uncertainty. In fact, it's the uncertainty that always feels like it's going to kill me.
I admire your patience! And I also believe that you will be rewarded and all will work together for your good.
Hey, I was looking through old emails and found a link to your blog. Yeah!! That's soo cool about you deciding on Texas. I have some family in the Dallas area, and a friend from Utah moved to Austin. Where would you be living?
Good grief woman, no wonder you've been depressed, you've got a quarter-life crisis going on and a lot of big decisions! I'm impressed with you taking action to make these things happen!!
you must of heard I might me coming to DC...just like you to always be one step ahead :)
Post a Comment