:::all i wanted for Christmas:::

was a beef stick, remember?

but mom said no, again, for the millionth time, probably for the same reason that i wasn't allowed to wear corduroy pants as a child or play the game girl talk with my friends even though it's only a game, and playing it doesn't necessarily make you 'own of those girls', and heaven knows i probably could have benefited from being one of those girls since i'm staring down 30 with less 'experience' than a pimple-faced 13 year old...

anyhow, my mother has rules for how things are done.

so she told me, yet again last year, that i couldn't have a beef stick for Christmas. so i said, 'why?!' and she said, 'rebekah, i'm not getting you a beef stick for Christmas!' and i took up my burden -- not playing it so heavy as in the past because of her cancer -- and then she felt bad (which was the point) and sighed and said, 'fine, i will get you a beef stick for Christmas,' and i said, 'no, no! i don't want a beef stick anymore!' and she said, 'i'm getting you a beef stick!' and i said, 'i don't WANT a beef stick anymore!' and she said, 'where can i buy beef sticks online?' and i said, 'do. not. get me. a. beef stick. for Christmas.,' and she said, 'ok.'

so really she won ANYHOW even though it was MY Christmas present we were talking about...

whatever.

so anyhow, i didn't get a beef stick for Christmas.

but because my other family members read my blog, and because i have put so much effort into my relationship with my posterity (by extension), i got a beef stick for my birthday. a 14 oz, beef and pork, hardwood smoked, semi-dry, summer sausage from hickory farms established 1951, farmhouse recipe. that's what is says on the label. that's what it is.

last night, after i had opened my package, and after the tears subsided and i was finished jumping on my bed, i called my sister's house to thank them for the sausage, and she said, 'see! we read your blog!', which i already knew because they leave comments, but now i really know because they got me my very own beef stick for my birthday, just like i said i wanted for Christmas.

so now i think i'm going to start dropping subtle hints about things i like to see how many of my readers will send me presents, because if i can't make money selling ad space on my blog i might as well get almost strangers to send me gifts in the mail, don't you think? and pretty soon i wouldn't have to buy anything for myself because i could write a blog post about the window i'm having a hard time finding curtains for, or how much i love the color pink, or that i really love making cards but can't get the craft store ever because i don't have a car, and people would send me pretty little packages in the mail just for me being me and because they really wanted to be cool and popular just like i am. that would be awesome!!!

but, let's get back to the beef stick. i was so happy last night, and i told my sister, 'i'm so happy tonight!', and sophia shouted in the background, 'DO YOU LOVE YOUR MEAT STICK?!', and i shouted back, 'YESSSSSS!'

and i'm slicing into it now. at work, mom. i'm eating my beef stick at work. yeah. not so dainty, am i?

and for future reference, i like the color yellow, polka dots, and starburst candies. my birthday is on thursday, so you could send me something in the mail that i would get on my special day if you sent it priority or fedex or something like that, and then i would have something waiting for me when i got home and i could pretend that i was all shocked that my dear friends actually remembered me on my special day.

and if you send me something really good i might even mention you on my blog and maybe you could start your own racket with your own readers (but i won't be one of the people sending you presents since i started the whole thing).

happy birthday to me.

(picture to be added)