Tuesday, February 10, 2009

:::all i wanted for Christmas:::

was a beef stick, remember?

but mom said no, again, for the millionth time, probably for the same reason that i wasn't allowed to wear corduroy pants as a child or play the game girl talk with my friends even though it's only a game, and playing it doesn't necessarily make you 'own of those girls', and heaven knows i probably could have benefited from being one of those girls since i'm staring down 30 with less 'experience' than a pimple-faced 13 year old...

anyhow, my mother has rules for how things are done.

so she told me, yet again last year, that i couldn't have a beef stick for Christmas. so i said, 'why?!' and she said, 'rebekah, i'm not getting you a beef stick for Christmas!' and i took up my burden -- not playing it so heavy as in the past because of her cancer -- and then she felt bad (which was the point) and sighed and said, 'fine, i will get you a beef stick for Christmas,' and i said, 'no, no! i don't want a beef stick anymore!' and she said, 'i'm getting you a beef stick!' and i said, 'i don't WANT a beef stick anymore!' and she said, 'where can i buy beef sticks online?' and i said, 'do. not. get me. a. beef stick. for Christmas.,' and she said, 'ok.'

so really she won ANYHOW even though it was MY Christmas present we were talking about...

whatever.

so anyhow, i didn't get a beef stick for Christmas.

but because my other family members read my blog, and because i have put so much effort into my relationship with my posterity (by extension), i got a beef stick for my birthday. a 14 oz, beef and pork, hardwood smoked, semi-dry, summer sausage from hickory farms established 1951, farmhouse recipe. that's what is says on the label. that's what it is.

last night, after i had opened my package, and after the tears subsided and i was finished jumping on my bed, i called my sister's house to thank them for the sausage, and she said, 'see! we read your blog!', which i already knew because they leave comments, but now i really know because they got me my very own beef stick for my birthday, just like i said i wanted for Christmas.

so now i think i'm going to start dropping subtle hints about things i like to see how many of my readers will send me presents, because if i can't make money selling ad space on my blog i might as well get almost strangers to send me gifts in the mail, don't you think? and pretty soon i wouldn't have to buy anything for myself because i could write a blog post about the window i'm having a hard time finding curtains for, or how much i love the color pink, or that i really love making cards but can't get the craft store ever because i don't have a car, and people would send me pretty little packages in the mail just for me being me and because they really wanted to be cool and popular just like i am. that would be awesome!!!

but, let's get back to the beef stick. i was so happy last night, and i told my sister, 'i'm so happy tonight!', and sophia shouted in the background, 'DO YOU LOVE YOUR MEAT STICK?!', and i shouted back, 'YESSSSSS!'

and i'm slicing into it now. at work, mom. i'm eating my beef stick at work. yeah. not so dainty, am i?

and for future reference, i like the color yellow, polka dots, and starburst candies. my birthday is on thursday, so you could send me something in the mail that i would get on my special day if you sent it priority or fedex or something like that, and then i would have something waiting for me when i got home and i could pretend that i was all shocked that my dear friends actually remembered me on my special day.

and if you send me something really good i might even mention you on my blog and maybe you could start your own racket with your own readers (but i won't be one of the people sending you presents since i started the whole thing).

happy birthday to me.

(picture to be added)

6 comments:

annette said...

I need to gather my thoughts on this one...more later.

Sarah said...

Neener, neener, neener! We sent the best gift!!!!!!!!!!!

Rachel and Jeremy said...

I have always enjoyed a good beef stick. This year was GREAT, because my cousin's husband (they live near us) is a hunter, and he processes his own meat. He gave us three DELICIOUS sausages he'd made from venison. Holy hannah--delicious. The best one was a kind of soft-smoked teriyaki. We would slice it and cook it in a frying pan and eat it and be happy. Or we would eat it cold. Either way, it was phenomenal.

Just wait for me to start buying you everything you want...

rebekah said...

rachel -- i loved reading your comment on my old laptop.

scrambled brains said...

Bon anniversaire, mon ami de fevrier!

Sarah said...

Oh, my husband is always talking about venison sausage. He loves it, too!