Monday, February 2, 2009

:::i lied:::

i lied. the american history museum is not my favorite museum.

let me tell you a story, a story about a saturday afternoon wherein a well-intentioned and high-spirited late-twenties woman-about-town set out to visit what she thought was her favorite museum on the mall.

she walked in wind so fierce she had to stop and turn her back to it to keep from crying.

she walked in weather so cold her fingers froze when she tried to take pictures outside.

she walked though her knees were killing her.

she walked, and she walked, all the way to the end of the mall, because she was going to prove to the naysayers that there was culture and learning to be had at america's attic.

she got there and didn't remember the building being so ugly.

she went inside and was overwhelmed by the crowds.

she got a headache.

she decided she needed to eat.

she paid $11 for a horrible lunch in a sad cafeteria that only served 'american' food: bbq, sandwiches, hamburgers, hot dogs, and pizza.

she felt sad for her country.

she bypassed exhibits and went straight to the julia child kitchen.

she was momentarily uplifted.

her spirits soared, her soul was fed, she again believed in all that was beautiful and lovely and praiseworthy.

she thought of her friend lillian, and how much she wished she was there with her.

she left after a half-an-hour and went in search of the gift shops.

she found astronaut ice cream and remembered a very bad first encounter with this grainy stuff at sea world.

she started feeling sick again.

she went and saw some other junk kept in random places in poorly executed exhibits.

she didn't even mess with the lincoln exhibit due to the snaking line and her growing headache.

she thought she was going to lose it.

she high-tailed it out of there.

she escaped to the glorious outdoors!

she took pictures in one of her favorite spots in dc -- capitol on one hand, monument on the other.

she went to the metro.

she missed the first train because an old lady was standing on the left!!!

she tried to calm down.

she tried to be more Christ-like.

she finally made it home.

she felt so happy,

and she decided she needed to find a new favorite museum.

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scrambled brains said...

Sorry for the disappointing museum visit! At least your review of it was entertaining...:)

Sarah said...

You're hilarious. I love your self-portaits here. That cracked me up.

That's Don's favorite childhood museum because they have ice cream sundaes there. Ya.

annette said...

See, if they were smart they would hire Elizabeth to put that place in shape. But, oh the bureaucracy.

I too love the pictures. A photo essay of a range of emotions. I could feel your pain/relief.

Rachael said...

I love Julia. Do you think she looks down on us from heaven and tries to get us to make French food rather than delicious American baked goods?